Human Era ① [The Day Before University Entrance Ceremony]

Hello. This is Nochami.

This time, since I've finally felt like talking about it, I'm going to talk about my human era, mainly my university days.

At this point, I can't even remember the name of the university I attended, nor my department or major, but it was definitely the most hellish time of my life.

Going back three years, I hated my hometown and wanted to escape immediately.
It was such a rural area that if you went to the station to hang out, you'd pass by people from your high school at least three times. Even looking at Instagram, I'd think, 'Wait, this person and that person are followers of each other?!'—the world was just so small.
That environment felt like I was constantly being watched by someone, so I always thought I absolutely had to get to the city.

To fulfill this wish, the natural course of action was to go to university and move to Tokyo. Or rather, that was the only way.

But this choice was the biggest mistake of my life.

Originally, I wasn't bad at studying, but I hated it, and I was bad at making friends or interacting with others, or even trying to interact with anyone.

That's exactly why, after graduating high school, I wanted to work silently without interacting with anyone. Get a job, work quietly, leave at closing time, and head straight home.
I imagined spending every day like that.
Deep down, I had a strong longing for that kind of life.

But the world wasn't kind to someone like me.
It wasn't that easy.

In reality, there was no way employers in distant places like Kanto would recruit from a high school in the middle of nowhere, so everything was within the prefecture.
Desperate to leave my rural hometown, I gave up on finding a job.

And since I didn't have any particular trouble with my studies, I took the entrance exam for a university in Tokyo based on a school recommendation.
The result was an acceptance that felt like a rigged game.
I wasn't happy at all, but I remember being glad that I could finally escape the middle of nowhere.
I graduated high school safely, moved to Tokyo, and everyone around me was in a celebratory mood, saying, 'You're starting university now!', but for me, the real battle was just beginning.
This was, if not the main event, the beginning of a true hell.

I don't remember the name of the university, the faculty, or the department at all, but I still remember it vividly.
April 1, 2021. The preliminary orientation day before the entrance ceremony.
I believe the content consisted of a health checkup and department-specific recreation, mainly self-introductions and a curriculum explanation.

That day, I went to the front of the school with my mother.
From the moment we started heading toward the school, I couldn't say a single word to my mother, and I felt like I was being crushed by a sense of malaise throughout my entire body due to the fear and stress of going to school.
My mother kept encouraging me from beside me, saying, 'It'll be okay. I'll come pick you up. It'll be okay,' but she was also half-exasperated.

The commute is usually around 10 minutes, but at that time, it felt like a very short period of about 20 seconds.
In the blink of an eye, I arrived at the school I didn't even want to go to.
As soon as I arrived at the school, a bizarre scene jumped into my view.
There was a long line of what appeared to be new students in front of the school.
A man who appeared to be a school staff member was directing people, saying, 'People from the ○○ department, please line up here.'
My mother told me, 'Aren't you supposed to be over there? Go on,' but I refused. I seriously tried to run away.
But that probably backfired. Instead, I stood out. Some of the new students turned around to look at me, and I was successfully caught by the school staff.
While on the verge of tears, I separated from my mother and got in line. I remember texting my mother the whole time I was in line, saying, 'I can't do this. I want to go home.' My mother, while exasperated, saying 'Oh boy,' kept encouraging me via text.
And so, my turn to enter finally came.

When I entered the school, the first thing they asked for was my department and name.
I couldn't get a voice out due to fear and despair.
I answered with a strained, tiny voice, but perhaps it was too quiet, as they asked me for my name again.
It was the first time in my life that someone had asked me to repeat my name.
Thinking, 'This is impossible,' I found my name on the student roster and pointed to it. Then, I received my student ID.

Having finally managed to get inside, I thought I would head to where I needed to go as quickly as possible. At that moment, someone spoke to me from behind. It was a girl who was a new student like me. 'Let's go together! What department are you in?' I didn't have the capacity to talk at all. I gave up on speaking and showed her the student ID I had just received.
Perhaps sensing my bizarre situation, she said,
'Oh, you're in the ○○ department!' and before I knew it, she was gone somewhere else. 'Thank goodness...' I felt relieved inside. Finally able to be alone, I felt relieved as I went to where I needed to go, finished the health checkup promptly, and returned to my mother who was waiting for it to end.

There was a break of less than 30 minutes before the recreation, so I spent the time talking with my mother on a bench near the school. By this time, I was in a better mood than when I was heading to school. To my mother, who looked anxious and asked, "Were you okay?", I had the composure to laugh and say, "It finished pretty quickly! I kept my phone and keys in my pocket while weighing myself, so the number came out ridiculously high! Haha!"
My mother, worried, asked, "Will you be able to go to the recreation?" I replied jokingly, "I don't want to go, but I will! I'll just do the self-introduction, and if the talk seems boring, I'll come home halfway through!"

Thirty minutes passed in the blink of an eye while we were talking like that,
and I went to the recreation venue.
However, there was a whiteboard placed in front of the venue.
"Today's recreation for the ○○ department is canceled due to an urgent schedule change for the department head."
I thought, 'Yes!!!!' and dashed back to my mother.
When my mother asked, "Is it already over?", I said, "Only my department's was canceled," and showed her a photo of the whiteboard. My mother said, "Oh, is that so? Well then, let's go home," and the two of us went home together that day.
On the way home, I remember my mother initially doubting that the recreation was canceled, and I remember showing her the photo of the whiteboard over and over again while on the verge of tears, repeatedly insisting that the handwriting wasn't mine.
That's how the preliminary school day ended.

Just talking about the events of that one preliminary school day ended up being over 2,500 characters, so I will talk about the rest in the next note.

If I continue at this pace, I think my university days alone will take up about 3 to 5 notes.
However, I want to try my best to write in a way that is easy for those reading to understand.
Please understand that it will be a lot.
Thank you for your continued support.

Next time, I hope to talk about the entrance ceremony and the time I started attending university.
I'm a moody person, so I might end up talking about something completely different, but I would be happy if you could read it.

At that time, I hope you can just laugh it off and say, 'Well, Nochami is a fairy, after all' (lol) (lol).
Well then, look forward to the next note. as well.