To forget is to live. My filed memories

A scene I sometimes recall suddenly came to mind, but it was much hazier than before. I tried to consciously recall it many times, but I couldn't.

It's a scene that makes me want to cry when I recall it, but I also cry when I can't recall it. How many times have I touched upon memories that make me feel this way?

I didn't want to forget. I wanted to remember. I thought this and cried a little.
But every time I think that, there are words that come to mind.

"To forget is to live."

Words by Cocco that I saw when I visited her exhibition at Laforet Harajuku toward the end of my teens.

"To forgive is to forget, to forget is to live."

At the time, there were people I hated, and I spent my days holding feelings so angry I couldn't sleep. I didn't know how to deal with the anger that welled up naturally even though I didn't want to think about it, and I was just helpless. I wanted to erase my memories. I had always thought that.

When I saw these words, I thought of those people and realized, 'I see, I should just forgive them, then I won't have to think about them anymore and I can forget. That is what it means to live.'

Through the process of experiencing the sadness of memories I wanted to erase, and memories I didn't want to forget as the years went by, I became fascinated by the nature of memory.

It is said that new memories are stored in the 'hippocampus' of the brain, and old memories are transferred to the 'cerebral cortex.' I understood that that scene had surely just been transferred from the hippocampus to the cerebral cortex and filed away, securing space to store new memories. Living, moving forward, must be what this is all about.

When I learned this, I was finally able to understand a line from a movie I had watched a long time ago.

In the movie 'Berlin,' there is a line where Miki Nakatani says to a friend as they part ways, 'I might not be able to recall it, but I won't forget it.' The other person replied, 'What is that supposed to mean?' and I was one of those people who thought the same thing. I didn't understand it for over ten years, but after I started reading books about the brain, I finally understood.

I, who had been harboring a fear of forgetting, felt very, very saved when I learned this.

Filed memories can be retrieved if there is a trigger. Goodbye until the day I encounter that trigger.

I might never be able to recall it again, but I surely won't forget it.