Characteristics of People with Low Mental Age

Hello, I am Mukuchi Obake (Silent Ghost).
My name comes from the fact that I was so quiet as a child that I was like a ghost.
I currently work as a private counselor.

In my notes, I mainly write articles for people who have mental health issues or interpersonal relationship problems caused by their childhood environment, so please follow me if you are interested.

Click here for my self-introduction article

Chronological age and mental age are two different things.

There are 50-year-olds who act like children, and 20-year-olds who are strangely composed.

Mental age has nothing to do with how many years you have lived. It also has nothing to do with education, income, or social status.

So, what is the difference?

In a word, it is whether or not you can take responsibility for your own emotions.

When emotions are stirred, some people can process them internally, while others lash out at those around them. This difference manifests as a difference in mental age.

1. Getting into a bad mood easily

Things didn't go as planned. Something small didn't please them. Every time this happens, it shows on their face, in their attitude, and the atmosphere changes.

The person might think, "I'm just being honest." They might even think that not hiding their emotions is a virtue.

But what is happening here is that they are making those around them process their emotions.

By creating a bad-tempered atmosphere, those around them become cautious. They ask, "What's wrong?", "Are you angry?", or "Did I do something?" Only then do they speak. People who have made this a habit have not developed the ability to put their emotions into words themselves.

Essentially, emotions belong to you. Whether it's joy, sadness, or anger, it is happening within you, so it is only right that you take responsibility for it yourself. Throwing it at others in the form of a bad mood means forcing others to clean up your emotional mess.

2. Perceiving feedback as an attack

"I think that's a bit off," or "Wouldn't it be better to do it this way?"

When they receive words like these, people with low mental age go on the defensive before they reflect.

"But I'm not wrong," "Aren't you the same?", "Why would you say that?"—before considering the content of the feedback, they first try to protect themselves.

Why does this happen?

This is because they take criticism of themselves as a "rejection of who they are as a person." They process "my action was wrong" and "I am a bad person" as the same thing.

That is why they fear criticism. When they are pointed out, they feel as if their very existence has been denied.

Mentally mature people can separate these two. They can accept that "this specific action was wrong, but I as a person am separate from that." Therefore, they can receive criticism as information rather than an attack.

3. Placing responsibility externally

When things do not go well, people with low mental maturity first look outward.

"Because that person did this," "the environment was bad," "the timing was bad," "it couldn't be helped."

By placing the cause outside, they avoid getting hurt. They avoid having to blame themselves.

This in itself is a natural human defense mechanism. Everyone wants to protect themselves. Admitting that it is your own fault is painful.

However, if you keep placing the cause outside,nothing will change.

If you blame the environment, you cannot change unless the environment changes. If you blame others, you cannot change unless that person changes. The more you place responsibility outside, the more control over your own life slips away from you.

Taking responsibility for the results of your own actions is painful. But only those who can do that can change little by little.

4. Cannot wait

If they cannot get what they want immediately, their attitude changes. If they do not get a reply, they become anxious and contact the person repeatedly. If things do not progress at their own pace, their frustration shows on their face.

A child crying because they "want ice cream right now" is because the concept of "waiting" has not yet developed. They do not yet have the power to insert time between desire and satisfaction.

Even as adults, there are people who have not developed this power.

People who cannot wait do the same thing in human relationships. If there is no immediate reply, they think they are being "ignored." If there is no immediate result, they give up, saying it is "meaningless." Their own desires come before the other person's circumstances.

The ability to wait is related to trust in the other person.Being able to think "it is okay if it is not right now" is because you trust the other person. At the root of people who cannot wait, there is often anxiety.

5. Slow to apologize, or cannot apologize

Even if they know they were wrong, they cannot apologize easily. It takes time for them to apologize. Or, they pretend to apologize while actually continuing to make excuses.

"I know I was wrong, but you also..." "Fine, I'll apologize, okay?" "It's already over, let it go."

This is a state where pride has become more important than the relationship.

They feel that apologizing means they have lost. They feel that by bowing their head, they are becoming inferior to the other person. They dislike that, so they cannot apologize.

But in reality, it is the opposite. People who can apologize are mentally stronger. Admitting one's faults is not about denying oneself, but about taking responsibility for one's actions. People who can do that are people who value their relationships.

Relationships with people who cannot apologize always leave a bad aftertaste. Problems are swept under the rug without being solved, and life moves on. Those layers of unresolved issues pile up, making the relationship heavy.

Why does emotional maturity fail to develop?

There is usually a reason for people who have reached adulthood while remaining emotionally immature.

Their emotions were not accepted when they expressed them. They were not forgiven even when they apologized. They were completely rejected every time they were pointed out. They were given nothing even when they waited.

When these experiences continue, people grow into adulthood without ever learning how to properly handle their emotions.

Therefore, when you see someone with low emotional maturity, before thinking, "Why are they like this?", if you try to think a little about what kind of environment this person grew up in, the perspective can sometimes change.

The feeling of blame will fade a little. But at the same time, it does not mean that you must continue to be involved with them.

In Japan, "low emotional maturity" is easy to hide

In Japan, not showing emotions has been considered a virtue.

Therefore, even among those with low emotional maturity, many are good at keeping up appearances. They are polite at work and pleasant when meeting someone for the first time, but their true nature comes out once you become close.

Alternatively, they express their bad mood through "silence." Since they don't yell directly, it's hard to tell. But the atmosphere becomes heavy, responses become slow, and they become aloof—this is also an act of offloading their bad mood onto those around them.

Japan's "culture of reading the air" makes it easy to maintain this structure. Some people grow into adulthood without developing the ability to express their emotions in words, taking it for granted that others will read their minds.

Emotional maturity can be improved even now

Finally, just one thing.

Emotional maturity is not something that is determined at birth.

Being able to notice "myself getting into a bad mood easily." Realizing that "I feel like criticism is an attack." Being able to admit later that "my apology was late."

From the moment you notice, you change little by little.

And if there is someone around you with a low mental age who is draining you, it is much easier to think about how to distance yourself from them than to try to change them.

No matter how hard you try, you cannot change a person's mental age. The only thing you can change is how you interact with them.

#MentalAge #HumanRelationships #InterpersonalRelationships #RelationshipWorries #InterpersonalAnxiety #AdjustmentDisorder #Psychology #SelfUnderstanding