Who was at fault in the Terrace House 'Meat Incident'?

Hello, I am Mukuchi Obake (Silent Ghost).
The name comes from the fact that I was so quiet as a child that I was like a ghost.
I currently work as a private counselor.

In my notes, I mainly write articles for people who have mental health issues or interpersonal relationship problems caused by their childhood environment, so please follow me if you are interested.

Click here for my self-introduction article

Terrace House is a show where six men and women live together in a share house while looking for romantic partners. However, as long as they are living together, life-related troubles are bound to happen, not just romance.

Among them, the so-called 'Meat Incident' is talked about as a fairly major event.

In this article, I would like to think about this incident as clearly as possible, incorporating a psychological perspective, by covering:

・Why did it become such a big deal?
・What were they actually angry about?
・Who was at fault?
・The difficulties of human relationships revealed by this incident

I will try to think about these points as clearly as possible, while also incorporating a psychological perspective.

It wasn't 'just meat'

Ucchi, a hairdresser, had put Hida beef given to him by a customer who had traveled from afar into the refrigerator.

One day, the other members, struggling to decide what to have for dinner, found it, and Minori, Ucchi's girlfriend, said, 'It's fine, let's just eat it,' and ate the meat together with the other members.

Hearing just that, you might think, 'Over just one piece of meat?'

The studio commentators were also

'Getting that angry over meat!?'
'Fighting over meat!?'

and laughing about it.

But what Ucchi was angry about wasn't that 'the meat was eaten'.

The meat was sent by a customer who had traveled all the way from Nagoya, after they had returned home. They had even carefully written down how to eat it. And Ucchi had properly told Minori about the situation.

In other words, what hurt Ucchi was the feeling that something important to him had not been treated with care.

Not anger at the object, but anger at 'how he was treated'

In psychology, there is a concept called 'symbolic value'.

It is the idea that the memories and relationships associated with an object hold more true value for us than the object itself.

When you lose a wedding ring, you feel more like you have lost the 'vow between two people' than the value of the metal, don't you?

For Ucchi, the Hida beef was exactly that kind of existence.
It was proof of trust from a client, and the very joy of being recognized as a hairdresser.

That is why, when the male member Hikaru asked him,

'Was it really something to get that angry about?'

Ucchi replied like this:

'You would get angry if something you received from someone important was treated carelessly, right?'

Everything is contained in those words.

The true nature of his anger was not an attachment to the object, but a sense of loneliness from 'not being understood'.

Why did Minori eat it?

On the other hand, Minori was not just being insensitive.

She had her own frustrations.

The pressure of being asked by Ucchi to 'grow together.'
The sense of unfairness that the promise to share cooking duties was not being kept.
The loneliness of Ucchi going to sleep without really talking even after coming home from work.

But Minori was the type who could not put those frustrations into words.

There was also the 'coward incident' before this.

Minori expressed her frustration with Ucchi, who had created an atmosphere where they might kiss but then went to sleep without doing anything, by writing 'coward' in ketchup on an omelet rice.

Since Minori is the type who cannot express her frustrations directly, she tries to convey them through actions instead of words.

The 'let's just eat it' in the meat incident was likely the same structure.

The frustrations that had piled up toward Ucchi seeped out into that lighthearted phrase, 'It's fine, let's just eat it,' at that moment.

Why does bottling up frustration turn into 'retaliation'?

Psychologist John Gottman, through his many years of studying couple relationships, pointed out that four patterns—criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling—destroy relationships.

Criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling

are the four patterns he identified as destructive to relationships.

What Minori was doing is close to 'stonewalling' among these. She didn't put her dissatisfaction into words, but kept pulling it inward.

But emotions seek an outlet somewhere. What could not be expressed in words leaked out through actions.

'I'll just eat it' might have been that way of leaking out.

In Japan, there is a cultural expectation that 'you should understand without me saying it.'

Reading the air. Sensing things. It should be understood without putting it into words.

Such sensibilities are deeply rooted in human relationships.

But unfortunately, the disappointment when one is not understood easily turns into anger toward the other person for not sensing it, rather than toward oneself for not speaking up.

Between Minori and Ucchi, that gap was quietly piling up.

Why does it still feel unresolved even after an apology?

There is also a reason why Ucchi kept shutting himself in his room.

Minori went to apologize. But Ucchi could not feel any sincerity.

This is a common occurrence.

The person apologizing thinks,

'I've already apologized,'

and the person being apologized to

'doesn't understand me,'

is what they feel.

This discrepancy is not a matter of how to apologize, but a matter of whether one was 'understood'.

What Ucchi truly wanted was...

'how important that meat was'

He wanted Minori to truly understand that feeling.

Before the words 'I'm sorry,' he wanted her to share that sense of importance.

The philosopher Martin Buber called the true connection between people an 'I and Thou' relationship.

It means facing the other person not as an object or a means to an end, but as an irreplaceable being.

I think that is exactly the kind of relationship Ucchi was seeking.

The thread snapped, and true feelings emerged

When Minori's sister Kurumi mediated between Ucchi and Minori, and the two finally faced each other, Ucchi burst into tears.

Beneath anger, there is always another emotion hidden.

In Ucchi's case, it was likely loneliness and a desperate desire to be understood.

When the tension broke, it came out as tears.

And from there, the two spoke their true feelings for the first time.

Minori's frustrations and Ucchi's frustrations were all laid out. As a result, they reconciled.

The two, who were afraid to speak their true feelings, were finally able to talk because of the meat incident.

Thinking about it that way, this incident might have been a necessary event for them in a sense.

What I want to tell you

Bottling up frustration can sometimes stem from kindness.

'If I say it, I might hurt them,' 'It's immature to complain about something like this'

There are times when you swallow your feelings because of that kind of sentiment, aren't there? But the emotions you keep swallowing don't just disappear; they change form and come out later.

Sometimes, that can turn into an unintended 'act of revenge'.

Expressing small frustrations while they are still small.

That is not about blaming the other person, but about protecting the relationship.

I understand the feeling of 'wanting them to understand without me having to say it' very well. But only by putting it into words can the other person touch your world.

Just as Ucchi and Minori were able to reconcile after their tears, speaking your true feelings can sometimes be the catalyst that deepens a relationship rather than breaking it.

Even if it's scary, please try to put it into words, just a little.

#TerraceHouse
#MeatIncident
#Misunderstanding
#HumanRelationships
#Psychology