I don't want to go to sports day, a discussion with my son following his psychogenic cough. Deciding on future arrangements.

⭐️ This is an article exceeding 2000 characters. I have written it in detail because I thought some people might want to know about the developmental stage of an ASD third-grade boy as an example.🙏

⭐️ You can understand the general content by reading the bold text.

Continuation of this article~~~

Huh? Sports day is stressful?
It's something to look forward to, right?
That's what you might think.

My son has autism spectrum disorder, and the flow from sports day practice to the actual event causes him a ton of stress.

For example, things like this.



Hating to lose, hating not being able to do things well
This can come from being uncoordinated due to developmental coordination disorder, or from being a sore loser due to strong fixations.
He worries about losing in a footrace, not being able to dance well, or holding the team back in group competitions.

Not going according to plan, being stopped midway, schedule disruptions
This comes from the insistence on sameness, which is a secondary symptom of autism. For example, if a teacher says, 'Let's practice the dance one more time, properly,' but then breaks that promise by saying, 'Let's do it again' because some students aren't doing it well, or because sports day practice itself is an irregular schedule, it is not desirable for him.

Other children being scolded
Even though he isn't the one being scolded, he feels fear when witnessing others being yelled at loudly, and worries that he might be next.

Fear and anxiety just keep piling up~~~😔
More than a sensitive mom, he is a sensitive person.
Even though he is already under load from his daily school life, these things add even more load, and I think he ends up falling apart.

⌘⌘⌘ ⌘⌘⌘ ⌘⌘⌘ ⌘⌘⌘ ⌘⌘⌘

⭐️Some might point out that it's not good to bribe with things or money, but showing benefits clearly can be effective for children with these characteristics. I would appreciate it if you could view this as one example.🙏

👦Discussion with my son

From nursery school through second grade, because he was young, I would get him motivated, hype him up, and that's how we spent our time getting through sports day.

Now that he is in third grade, it is an age where he should value his own feelings, and I thought maybe I shouldn't be the one prompting him forever, so I changed my support method a little from how I used to do it.

Method for <Nursery School - 2nd Grade>

✴︎ On days he practiced for sports day, he got juice.
✴︎ He could frequently earn the right to watch YouTube because he was working hard.
✴︎ Once sports day was over, he would get one toy bought for him on the way home.

Method for <3rd Grade>

✴︎ Ice cream or juice about 3 out of 5 days during the week he practiced for sports day.
✴︎ Without saying it was because he was working hard, he could watch anime on Netflix or similar for a few hours a week.
✴︎ Regarding his hard work at sports day, since we happened to go to the Pokemon Center the week before sports day, I bought him a Charizard plushie as a reward for sports day.

According to my son, even though he already struggles with change and is under load, it seems this didn't work out at all😱😱😱😱😱

I shouldn't have changed itーーーー❣️❣️❣️

So, even though there is a whole year until the next Sports Day, I decided on the benefits at home for working on Sports Day and its practice in advance.

1. A juice on days when he practices for Sports Day. (e.g., Oronamin C, which he requested) -> My son always tries to sneak in things he can't usually drink. lol

2. During the week of Sports Day practice, he gets the right to play games for 3 hours without having to do his daily tasks. (In our house, games and anime are tied to completing tasks.)

3. If he goes to the actual Sports Day, he gets 5,000 yen in cash. (This doesn't change with age. It's the same amount from 4th grade to 12th grade.)
I told him he can use it however he likes, and if he goes straight to the store after school on the day of the event, that's fine.
As a bonus, there might even be rewards like going out for conveyor belt sushi, crepes, or Baskin Robbins ice cream??

Regarding point 3.
If he wants the 5,000 yen, he goes to Sports Day. If he doesn't want to go, he doesn't have to. I told him that he has the right to decide whether to go or not. Because it's his Sports Day.

And, I told him that I don't want him to go just for the money, but because I believe there are experiences and joys to be gained by going, which is why I'm showing the benefits in the easy-to-understand form of a reward.

Benefits mean things like just running in a race and getting praised by your parents, having them watch you with joy. Being able to share the feelings of winning or losing with your friends.

Those are experiences only a child can have. I think that is a right given to my son. He has the right to experience it is what I believe.

It's a flat 5,000 yen, and there will be no increase beyond that. I don't want him to feel like he absolutely has to go, and I feel like giving him, say, 10,000 yen would be wrong.

These are the arrangements we made.

Some might think, 'Going this far for Sports Day...?' But, you know... he actually wants to go. It seems like he wanted to go this time too, if he could.That's why I want to be as much of a help as I can.

It seems my son is looking for the ability to do things, even if it's only possible with me encouraging him and hyping him up.
I don't know if that's good or bad, but my son says he wants me to do it. I guess that's what 'being able to do it' means for him.

There's more to this story.
I'm completely exhausted😔

I want to have a good cry.

Well then, well then~
See you again👦👋
Come back again👩👋