Don't you get tired when talking with silent users?

Sometimes, silent users join in when you're chatting with friends via voice in VRChat, right?

And, like, doesn't that get subtly exhausting?

For those of us using our voices, it's not just the content of what we're saying; our tone, the moments we stumble, awkward pauses, and how we laugh are all completely exposed. In contrast, the silent users only provide what they choose through gestures and writing. Even though we're in the same space, it feels like I'm the only one standing there naked.

“I feel like I'm the only one having information extracted here.”

I think anyone who plays VRChat for a while has felt this at least once. Today, I want to use some proper theory to break down the nature of this mysterious fatigue.

First of all, what even is a silent user?

Silent users are people who play VRChat without using voice chat. They are a group that communicates using gestures, writing on QvPen, or using emoji-sending functions.

I'll say this upfront: the reasons vary completely from person to person.

• They have hearing difficulties and feel anxious about voice-based interaction.

• They simply find using their voice exhausting or difficult.

• People who choose to be silent because they don't want to bring real-world elements like gender or age into the metaverse.

When you talk to them, many feel like they are “choosing to be silent” rather than “being silent because they can't.” So, this article isn't about bashing silent users themselves. In fact, I think it's a perfectly valid choice. What I want to dig into is the reason for that unique atmosphere that arises when silent users are present.

Voice is actually super defenseless information

You really can't edit your voice.

Even if you can choose the content of your words, you can't choose the voice itself. It goes up an octave when you're nervous, and you stumble when you're flustered. Even a single laugh reveals your emotions in that moment. Using your voice is an act of continuously giving away more information than you intended to the other person.

On the other hand, gestures and writing are basically information that is “chosen and presented.” The words you write and the gestures you make only convey what you decide to convey. Unfiltered voice versus edited writing. Even if you are in the same space, these two are not an equal exchange.

In psychology, there is a concept called “self-disclosure,” and there is a property called “reciprocity” where if the other person discloses something about themselves, you want to disclose just as much. Because the person using their voice ends up disclosing more, they unconsciously expect the same amount in return. But silent users are in a position where they can limit the amount of disclosure by design. This is where the gap arises.

The feeling that “I'm the only one having information taken” isn't just in your head; it's just that the amount you're actually giving is different.

The observer and the observed

This is actually part of a slightly larger structure.

The philosopher Foucault once used the design of a prison called the "Panopticon" to explain the mechanics of power. In a Panopticon, the guard can see into every cell, but the prisoners cannot see the guard. It is a structure where the roles of the observer and the observed are fixed.

Of course, the interaction between voice and silence in VRChat is not a prison-like power dynamic, but if you isolate the aspect where "information tends to flow in one direction," it is quite similar. The person speaking is easily fixed as the "discloser," while the silent person easily falls into the role of the "receiver." No one is doing this out of malice; it is just that the difference in means becomes the structure itself.

So, I think this awkwardness isn't a problem of personality or attitude, but a bias that is built into the very means of communication from the start.

I'm not a fan of people waiting to be petted

Up to this point, we have been talking about "means." But apart from this, there is another type of person that bothers me. It is not limited to silent users, but people who don't put anything out themselves and just wait to be attended to. They want to be petted, spoken to, or receive reactions. They operate on the premise of receiving, with no sign of wanting to give anything themselves.

This can be explained by a logic slightly different from the disparity in information volume.

The cultural anthropologist Marcel Mauss showed through examples from various societies that "gifts carry an obligation to be returned." Giving does not end with a one-way street. Once you receive something, you return it in some form eventually. This back-and-forth itself is what builds human relationships.

Interactions in VRChat are actually a accumulation of small exchanges of gifts. Speaking up, returning reactions, petting, listening. It only works when both sides are giving to each other. The reason I am not a fan of people waiting to be petted is that they do not enter this back-and-forth and remain only on the receiving side. Even if the means are equal, if there is no attitude of making it bidirectional, the same friction arises.

In the end, it is about whether it is bidirectional or not

I think the asymmetry of information and the waiting to be petted both have the same root question: Is this actually bidirectional?

The playwright Oriza Hirata distinguishes between "debate" and "dialogue." Debate is where one logic overpowers the other. Dialogue is different; it is where different logics collide, something new is born, and both sides change.

The awkwardness in a space with silent users and the discomfort with those waiting to be petted, when boiled down, are both feelings that "this is not a dialogue." Information only flows from one side. Interaction only comes from one side. Even though both are supposed to be exchanges, it effectively becomes a form where only one side keeps giving.

Just to be clear, this is not a complaint about the choice to be a silent user. There are often valid reasons for not using a voice. However, it is a fact that "a structure where only the person speaking keeps giving" is prone to happen, and feeling tired by that is a normal reaction.

Well, that is what it is

VRChat is a place where you can choose the combination of speaking/not speaking and giving/receiving much more freely than in reality. That is precisely why the structures of communication that we usually don't notice become exposed.

Now that that mysterious sense of fatigue has a name, I think the way you feel the next time you are in that situation will change a little. It is not that anyone is at fault. It is just worth checking occasionally whether things are truly bidirectional.

References

Michel Foucault, "Discipline and Punish: The Birth of the Prison" (Shinchosha)

Yuta Chikaushi, "The World is Made of Gifts: An Ethics to Fill the 'Gaps' of Capitalism" (NewsPicks Publishing)

Oriza Hirata, "From Not Being Able to Understand Each Other: What is Communication Ability?" (Kodansha Gendai Shinsho)