The Curse of 'Thank You'

"Thank you. You're so kind."

I often say this too.

In education, parenting, and life, "thank you" is the strongest, most invincible word. That is unwavering.

However, everything always has its pros and cons.

Of course, "thank you" also has its downsides... That point must be addressed.

"Say thank you."
"Why won't you say thank you?"

Being told "thank you" fulfills one's sense of self-utility. The feeling of being useful to someone leads to self-affirmation. However, when that becomes the norm, you conversely start to feel uncomfortable when there is no "thank you." Huh? Why didn't you say "thank you"? I did it for you...

In other words, you seek gratitude from others and end up acting for the sake of being thanked. If taken too far, you start pushing yourself and sacrificing your own well-being to give to others. Because you force yourself to be a kind person, you wear yourself down and become depleted. And then, you try to fill the gaping hole with rewards (gratitude).

That is why you start to feel dissatisfied when there is no "thank you." As the kanji implies, "dissatisfaction" means "not being filled."

The "thank you" that was good at first becomes a curse that binds you to being a "good person" and demands a return. It is like a "curse of thank you."

But you know, this is normal. Many people give as a reward for making others happy. If someone says, "Thank you. You're so kind," you feel incredibly happy.

But that way of living will eventually become painful. Because not everyone will give you something in return.

We don't have a support uncle who will replace our faces if they get worn down.

So what should we do? Should we not say "thank you" in education or parenting?

That is not the case. It just means that "thank you" also has its downsides. Especially when the label of being a "kind person" is attached, it can become difficult to live when things go too far.

Therefore, what matters in the end is how you want to be. It is important that you are choosing for yourself. Whether you are choosing the path that excites you.

"I like the version of myself that can give to others even if it means sacrificing myself." If you think that way, even if it looks like you are sacrificing yourself, you are actually being fulfilled. Because being that kind of person is a reward in itself. You don't need a return for that.

What to be careful about in education and parenting. It is not to raise children who want to be told "thank you," but to raise children who can feel "thank you."

Let's say 'thank you' with the awareness that 'thank you' can sometimes become a curse.

Let's raise children who can say, 'I say it because I like that version of myself.'

And I would like to raise children who can say 'thank you' and feel gratitude for everything.