A Story About Not Wanting to End With 'It Can't Be Helped Because of His Traits': Learning from Trouble with My 2E Son (Part 2)

Click here for Part 1👇

The Day of the Discussion

I was in a state of extreme tension.
'What will they say to me?'
'Will I be blamed?'
'Will it become even harder for my son to spend time at school?'
Negative thoughts were swirling in my head.

However, I ultimately decided that I would apologize sincerely, accept everything the other party had to say, and honestly explain my son's difficulties.
I told myself that since we have overcome many difficulties before, we would surely be able to get through this too.

What I Said to the Other Parent

I am truly sorry for what happened.

I have talked it over thoroughly with my son and scolded him very, very strictly.
I am sorry that my son's excessive words and actions caused [Name] to feel hurt.

May I share a little bit about my son's background?
Although my son is able to attend school now, there was a period of several years where he refused to go.
Since then, he has been dealing with anxiety, social phobia, and situational mysophobia; he continues to see a doctor and receives support from a special needs teacher, [Name].

When his anxiety becomes strong, he perceives malice from others, which can lead to strong words and actions as a form of self-defense, or an intensification of his situational mysophobia.
Until now, crowded places like sports days and recitals have been a source of great stress, and he has mostly skipped practice, but this time, he was able to participate in sports day practice for the first time.
The stress of that was very significant for him, and his anxiety was at a very high level.

I believe [Name] was trying to communicate with my son out of friendliness.
I think that because he couldn't grasp that warm intention, his anxiety regarding physical contact and personal space became overwhelming.

That said, no matter the reason, my son's behavior was excessive and inexcusable.
I will continue to make sure my son understands this firmly.
Also, I would like to coordinate with the school teachers, and I was hoping to get your advice today on how we can ensure that [Name] is not hurt like this again.

The Other Parent's Words

The parent listened to me in silence.
They told me that after hearing my story, they understood the situation well.
While I will refrain from sharing the details, they told me about their child and their family situation.
They also spoke about the various things they are doing for their child, and their love for their child and the struggles and efforts they are making in raising them came through.
Listening to this, I felt once again that every parent is in the same boat, struggling and trying things out in raising their children, and I was deeply moved.

The tense atmosphere from the beginning dissipated, and by the end, we were able to talk with smiles on our faces.
The parent understood the situation, and in the end, they were able to share some forward-looking thoughts with me.
I felt very grateful.


Reasonable Accommodations Requested from the School

However, my son is still not in a state where he can grasp the indiscriminate friendliness of the other child,
so after the discussion, I told the special needs teacher that
I think it would be better to have a cooling-off period where they keep some distance for a while.
I would be happy if my son could build human relationships with a broader perspective, but given his traits, I want to nurture him over time.

There Are Times When People Can Understand Each Other Through Dialogue

Through this experience, I felt once again that there are times when people can understand each other through dialogue.

Of course, this does not solve every problem. It does not mean that differences in values or difficulties due to traits will disappear.

Even so, I believe there are things that become visible when we try to understand each other's positions and backgrounds.

After all, both my son and I are always being raised through our interactions with others. I believe we are learning things that parents alone cannot teach through our interactions with many people.

While I feel sorry for the trouble we caused, I have learned a great deal from this experience as well.

【Are you carrying it all by yourself?】
Just like me this time, I think everyone has moments in raising children where they feel like they are going to break, wondering, 'What should I do?' or 'Who should I talk to?' At such times, hoping to help lighten your heart even a little, I have started individual consultations on Coconala. You can choose between chat consultations and phone consultations. It doesn't have to be right now. I would be happy if you could remember me when you need a 'place to lean on in times of trouble.'

▶︎ (Coconala URL)

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