3/27 [Eldest daughter's birthday] Diary entry written on 2020.3.31
March 27th, my eldest daughter's birthday.
A special number to me.
Perhaps for my husband who has weekends off,
my eldest daughter was born on a Friday at 8 PM.
While my consciousness was fading from enduring truly agonizing pain,
the midwife told me, 'Do your best, just you and the baby,' so
I shifted my mindset,
determined that no matter what,
I wanted to get her out of this cramped world
as quickly as possible, and I was able to give it my all.
Thanks to my eldest daughter,
I feel like I met a version of myself I had never encountered before,
one who could 'make a resolution and face difficulties head-on'
even after making such a fuss.
It was an incredible day.
Even though it should have been so painful, agonizing, and full of tears,
yesterday I felt so happy that I had safely given birth to my child,
and I was crying tears of joy alone in my hospital room.
And then,
I wanted to raise another child.
I found myself already thinking that I wanted to give my eldest daughter a younger brother or sister.
But it was my fifth day of hospitalization.
When I happened to go to the nurse's station to leave my eldest daughter there,
I heard a voice from the delivery room
enduring pain.
Someone is in labor.
The husband didn't know what to do
and was pacing in the hallway.
After I finished my shower,
when I went back to the nurse's station
to pick up my eldest daughter again,
it seemed she had returned to the labor room,
and I saw a pregnant woman lying down,
letting out groans of pain while having her husband hold her hand.
The moment I heard that voice,
the pain I had forgotten came flashing back.
It feels like a long time ago, but
it was only five days ago.
Since I gave birth to a girl,
the thought that my own child might one day
have to experience this pain and suffering
made me want to cry a little.
Her original due date was in March anyway, but
I wonder if she hurried out to be considerate of us?
Perhaps in the future,
she might want to tell us,
I wish I had been born later so I could have celebrated with my school friends!
So that she doesn't have to feel that way,
so that she doesn't feel lonely,
until she meets someone special,
my husband and I
want to celebrate with her
a lot, a whole lot, at home.
I will never let her die.
Until she grows up safely
and understands what happiness means to her,
I want to protect her no matter what happens.
I don't want her to have experiences
that would make me regret
not doing something for her back then.
It's an exaggeration, but that's how much
I truly love and cherish her.
Hoping it ends up being an unnecessary worry,
for now, I will face my eldest daughter directly.
Thank you so much for coming to us.
★A quick comment
It's been almost 6 years since I wrote this.
Time flies too fast.
And looking back now, I was definitely on a post-birth high 😂
Since it was my first birth, I felt like my body was being split in two from below.
#ToMeWhoBecameAMotherThatDay