When being serious causes you pain.

"You're so serious."

When someone says that, it sounds like a compliment.


In fact, serious people
have a sense of responsibility,
keep their promises,
and are capable of putting in the effort.


That is why I don't think being serious is a bad thing in itself.

However, it is often the most serious people who seem to be living in pain.


That is because there are times when being serious stops being a "strength"
and becomes a "rule that binds you."

For example, suppose you decided to "study for one hour every day."
One day, you are tired and feel like you can only do 15 minutes.

At that point,
"If I can't do an hour, I'll just quit for today."
Some people end up thinking this way.

But in reality, doing 15 minutes is still moving forward.



Serious people
sometimes make following the rules their goal,
and forget about the importance of continuing.

Also,
there are people who take on everything, thinking "I have to do it."

Those around them are helped.
But in return, they are the only ones who get increasingly exhausted.

A sense of responsibility is a wonderful thing, but
it is different from carrying the burden until you reach your limit.



The same goes for resting.
Even though resting would actually help your concentration recover,
you blame yourself, thinking, "Resting is just being lazy."

Even a car cannot run if it runs out of gas.
Yet, you don't allow yourself to refuel.


I think this is also a state where being serious is working against you.

Perfectionism is the same.
Even if 80 points is enough to get the message across,
you end up thinking, "It's not 100 points, so I can't put it out yet."

There are times when you should aim for 100 points, like on a school test.

But in life, more often than not, nothing will ever start if you wait for 100 points.

Those who put it out at 80 points gain experience.
Those who keep waiting for 100 points remain at the starting line forever.

I think you can imagine which one grows more.




Furthermore, serious people
tend to take people's words at face value.

"Please!"
When they are told this, they cannot refuse.
"I'm counting on you."
When they are told this, they try too hard.

As they keep meeting the expectations of others,
they start to be seen as someone who cannot say no.

As a result, before they know it, they become someone who is taken advantage of.

Here is a way of thinking that I am glad I learned.
It is the concept of boundaries.

The expectations of others belong to them.
You are the one who gets to decide how much you will meet those expectations.

"Not meeting expectations" and
"not valuing the other person" are not the same thing.

Boundaries are about creating a distance between yourself and others that allows you to interact without overextending yourself.

And what I feel is the biggest waste is
that the more serious a person is, the kinder they can be to others, yet they are only strict with themselves.

When a friend studies for 15 minutes, you can say, "You did your best even for 15 minutes!"
But to yourself, you say, "I only managed 15 minutes."

If you could just say the same words to yourself that you say to your friends.
I believe your seriousness would change from something that causes you pain into a strength that supports you.


The moment I think being serious works against you is
when "I have to do things properly" takes priority over "taking care of myself."



You don't need to lose your seriousness.

I just want you to direct that seriousness toward yourself a little bit, too.

It's okay to rest.
It's okay to say no.
It's okay to put things out at 80 points.
It's okay to have days when you can't do your best.
You don't have to throw away your seriousness.


By just changing how you use it a little,
I believe that strength will not be something that causes you pain,
but something that protects you.