Do more than give.

"Reiko-chan, I'm going to move out of here soon."
It was raining outside. It was a typical rainy season with continuous cloudy skies and humidity, and the laundry wouldn't dry. In the room, the two of us had colorful clothes hanging from the ceiling. Reiko-chan's yellow, pink, and striped T-shirts. My navy and white school uniform. A few days' worth of socks and underwear for both of us. The scent of fabric softener that smelled like cheap perfume.
"You're moving?"
"Yeah. Because this is Reiko-chan's house, after all."
"I guess so. That's true, isn't it."
Drawing out the end of her sentence, Reiko-chan stood up and went to the sink. I felt as if she had turned her back on me. She filled the kettle with water, making a loud rushing sound. She took two ice pops from the freezer and tossed them toward me. After tossing them, she said, "Do you want one?" I wonder what she would do if I said I didn't want one. I'd have to go put it back in the freezer, wouldn't I? Or maybe I should just toss it back if I don't want it. I end up thinking about every little thing. Silently. Reiko-chan sometimes acts in this strange order.
"I do. Thanks."
I hesitated for a moment, wondering if I should wait for Reiko-chan to come back before eating, or if it was okay to eat it first without asking since it would melt. In times like these, I realized recently that instead of hesitating in silence, I should just say, "I'm going to eat mine now."
"I'm going to eat mine now."
She didn't even turn around at my words, just kept taking out mugs. Standing there, Reiko-chan was already eating her ice pop. She skillfully held the popsicle stick in her mouth while brewing coffee with a gurgling sound.
"Want some coffee?"
"Yeah."
"Hoi-ho-ao."
She tried to say "Here you go," but because she had the ice pop in her mouth, it came out as a strange sound. Even at times like that, she goes out of her way to say things like "Here you go." It's cute. Or rather, she has a great spirit of service.
"You always ask after you've already brewed it."
"Eh?"
"Reiko-chan, like just now, you ask 'Want some?' after you've already brewed the coffee. What would you do if I said 'I don't want any'?"
"I'd just drink Yu-chan's share too. Why?"
"No, I just wondered if you shouldn't ask first."
"Ah, I see, I should ask first, right? Am I weird?"
"It's not that you're weird. I just thought that I would ask first."
"It's fine, I'd just have to drink both cups."
Even though the feeling that that wasn't really the point remained like a mist, I suddenly thought that it was exactly this side of Reiko-chan that had saved me.

"Is this the box coffee?"
"Yeah. Oh, the ice pop is mine."
"Oh. Thanks."
The "box" refers to the box where we keep things that we both share. A box containing things like coffee grounds, potato starch, and soy sauce—things that one person couldn't use up alone. Sometime ago, I learned about using such a "box" as a way to use each other's things without waste from a video about share houses or something, and I was the one who suggested it. I, who had felt guilty about taking advantage of Reiko-chan's words of "you can use it," was greatly helped by this "box." We don't settle the accounts for the contents of the box strictly. That was the rule.

The sound of rain rings out. The sound of cars driving through puddles, shhh. The humid air in the room. The smell of coffee. The feeling of late night.
"What about tomorrow?"
"Late shift."
Slurp. Reiko-chan sips her coffee. Hot. Thud. She puts the ice pop stick in the trash can and lies down on the floor.
"You only said 'What about tomorrow?' though."
"Hmm?"
"You answered 'late shift.' I just thought, 'Oh, Yu-chan has started to understand what I want to say.' Just now. It's like a couple who've been together for many years."
Why do you say things like that? It's heartbreaking. Why say it now? I'm trying to make a decision. It's lonely, it makes me anxious. I'm trying to harden my resolve, thinking, 'I have to manage on my own, okay,' but you're making me waver.
I fall silent. But I'm afraid of the silence, so I say,
"Hehe. I can see right through you, Reiko-chan."
"I'm sleepy. Even though I drank coffee. I can't get up anymore. Impossible. Goodnight."
"You can't, your shoulders will hurt again. You should brush your teeth. Do your best, Reiko-chan."
While dangling just her legs on the floor, she says things like, "It's fine, Yu-chan, come sleep with me, it won't be scary if we sleep together." I think, 'I can't help it,' and collapse onto the floor as well. In the small room, when I tried to avoid hitting my head on the table leg, my head hit Reiko-chan's shoulder.
"There, there, good girl."
Suddenly, Reiko-chan started stroking my head.
"Reiko-chan."
"Hmm."
"Can I hug you?"
"No, it's hot."
"Can I hug you?"
"I said no."
"Can I hug you?"
"Absolutely not, go away."
Saying "Just kidding!" she hugged me while still lying down.
"You're impossible."
"It really is hot, isn't it?"
"Yeah."
I close my eyes. It's lonely, it makes me anxious. Why do you do things like that?

Maybe I'll move out when the rainy season ends.
I have to decide for myself. I'm the one who decides. So I won't have any regrets.