Part 2: "Why the applicant felt 'abandoned'"

Last time, I talked about how the light faded from an applicant's face when I told them they didn't meet the requirements for a loan. Ever since then, I've been bothered by why the same words, "I can't do that," are perceived so differently by different people.

The conclusion I reached was that I had explained the "reasons why I couldn't" first, and only later conveyed the feeling that "I understand your situation." The order was reversed. When people are rejected while feeling that their circumstances aren't understood, they perceive it not as a discussion about policy, but as a rejection of "themselves."

For example, if you were told "I can't give you medicine for those symptoms" before anyone showed concern for your health, you would feel pushed away, even if the explanation was technically correct.

So, in what order and with what words should we convey the same "I can't do that" to protect the other person's feelings? I will think about the specific framework for that on another occasion.