My First Childbirth Was a Life-or-Death Experience

I gave birth to a healthy baby! Both mother and child are doing well!
That was the standard line I never got to say.
I took a photo with my child when he was born in the delivery room five days ago. Since then, I have only been able to see him through photos and videos.

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My water broke in the early hours of Sunday.
It was the very day I was scheduled to be hospitalized a few hours later, as I was well past my due date and there were no signs of labor.
I quickly called the hospital and headed there in a car driven by my husband. After some tests upon arrival, my hospital stay began immediately.It is a large hospital 20 minutes away by car, which I have been relying on for my advanced-age pregnancy and planned epidural delivery.

There are two main types of epidural delivery.
One is called a planned epidural, where you are hospitalized on a pre-determined day, and labor is induced using medication and anesthesia to manage the pain.
The other is where you wait for natural labor to begin, are hospitalized, and once a certain level of labor is confirmed, medication and anesthesia are used to reduce pain while the cervix dilates until delivery (generally called pain-relief delivery).
At the hospital I attend, first-time mothers are expected to give birth using the latter method.

In childbirth, how many centimeters the cervix has dilated is the biggest KPI for measuring whether it is time to deliver.
Since the cervix, which is closed except during childbirth, is usually considered ready for delivery once it reaches 10cm, it is often judged that delivery is possible. The time it takes to dilate gradually from 1cm, 2cm... to 10cm varies from person to person.
In my case, whether I had anesthesia or not, and even with induction medication, the progress was extremely slow.

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The labor that started with my water breaking early Sunday morning had not ended by Tuesday morning. 50 hours had passed, and my cervix was only dilated to about 7cm. It still wasn't enough.
Although I stopped the induction medication at night to recover my strength and rest, the day broke while I was groaning from a cough that came from nowhere and intense pain that, for some reason, even the anesthesia couldn't touch.

Fortunately, the baby's heartbeat was strong, but considering the elapsed time and my physical exhaustion, it was decided that if I didn't give birth soon, I would have an emergency C-section to ensure delivery within that Tuesday.
Now, let's restart the induction medication for delivery.

However, I was in no condition to say I would do my best with a bright and positive attitude.
Severe coughing, a hazy head, and excruciating pain that made me feel like I would lose my mind if I didn't scream. The anesthesia was working, but as far as I could tell, it only relieved the pain for 1 or 2 minutes out of every 15, and the rest of the time was intensely painful.

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Two hours had passed since restarting. The cervix was just over 7cm.
I begged to switch to a C-section immediately, but from the doctor's perspective, the baby's heartbeat was normal, and the conditions for switching had not been met.


Another two hours passed. The cervix was not even 8cm.
Suddenly, the midwives began preparing to move me, and I realized I was being transported somewhere. Was it finally time for a C-section? If it were a C-section, I would soon be free from the pain, and although there would be risks, the baby's life would be protected.

"Where am I being moved to?" I asked a busy midwife.

"We are going to the delivery room."

What?
Am I in a state to deliver? I haven't been able to take a deep breath since yesterday. I've been tossing and turning in pain all night, and I have no strength left. How many more hours will it take to reach full dilation from here?

Suddenly, I remembered the PCR test I had taken earlier. Yesterday's PCR test was negative, but if the recent one was positive, I should have been getting an emergency C-section immediately.
But when I asked, it turned out it was negative as well.

During the move, my oxygen supply was stopped.
The one-minute distance felt like several kilometers.
In my hazy consciousness, I really thought I might die.
I thought that as long as the baby was healthy, that was fine. My husband's face came to mind. I thought he was someone who would make the baby happy. And for some reason, I thought about work and felt glad that I had reset everything before the birth. Surely, I wouldn't be a burden to anyone.



I entered the delivery room and got onto the hard delivery table. The midwife said, "You can push now."
That didn't mean I could just give birth on my own. It meant that pushing might help the cervix dilate. I put my whole body into it many times to help the baby move forward.

Had it been over 20 minutes? Doctors and staff kept gathering in the delivery room. In the blink of an eye, the equipment increased, sheets were laid out, and it felt more and more like a delivery room.

"The cervix is fully dilated!"

I don't remember much after that.

As the doctor told me, I inhaled, exhaled, pushed, and rested several times.
What I found out later was that at that time, I had a fever of 39 degrees and pneumonia in both lungs. My lungs looked completely white on the scan, and there was fluid buildup. I had no history of asthma, no pneumonia patients around me, and not a single cough when I was admitted.
A full 55 hours had passed since my admission.

And then, my son was born.

My son let out a small cry and moved his hands and feet. It was a long labor, but I was glad he was alive. And it seems I am also alive and here.

"I was worried sick about both of you," my husband whispered later.
In these times when partners cannot be present for the birth, how hard it must have been to just wait for a call.

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We had been considering our baby's name for months. We discussed many candidates, considering the sound, the meaning of the kanji, and the stroke count, going back and forth. Since a name is a gift from parent to child, we searched for the best name, filled with various expectations and wishes.

But after this birth, that thinking changed a little. We felt that parents' expectations and wishes should be moderate, and that it is enough for him to just live while cherishing his individuality.
Just in these three days of facing childbirth, there were many episodes where I could feel my son's individuality. Let's simply accept his individuality as it is and name him.

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My son is currently in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) because there are some concerns.
He should be just a stone's throw away, but it is an area I cannot enter because I am a pneumonia patient. Instead, my husband visits frequently between work, takes videos and photos, tries holding him, and listens to the doctor's explanations. My son's growth speed is fast, and it is a joy to have some bright news every day.



My son and I will be discharged eventually. And our new life as a family of three will begin.

Let's have fun. After all, we are alive.