Spilled water cannot be gathered back into the basin.

There was a time when one of my arms stopped moving.

It took a year for it to return to normal.

In November 2018, I was hospitalized for a planned two-week stay to undergo surgery for cervical spondylosis. It was a procedure to open up the front and back of my neck to correct the bones.

Two days after the doctor told me, "The surgery went without any problems," I tried to hold a 2-liter plastic bottle, but I realized I couldn't hold it because I had no strength in my arm, so I called the nurse. At that moment, I thought I might be told something like this.

"Oh, this? It's something that often happens after this surgery. It will heal soon, so don't worry."

However, contrary to my expectations, the nurse hurriedly called the doctor, and the next morning, I ended up having tests like X-rays and a CT scan.

Looking at the test results, the doctor told me, "I would like to perform surgery on you again today." I had just undergone a surgery under general anesthesia that took several hours two days ago. The pain and suffering after the surgery came rushing back.

At this time, I had an image in my mind like, "The current numbness and paralysis are because some small switch inside my neck was accidentally touched during the surgery and turned off, so by opening my neck again and clicking that switch back on, my arm will return to normal."

The night I woke up from general anesthesia, the night felt incredibly long due to the discomfort and difficulty breathing. The oxygen mask was suffocating, the catheter was bothersome, and my fixed neck hurt, so I couldn't sleep at all.

My arm remained the same.

For several days, I underwent electrical therapy and massage, but there was no change. It was decided that I would have surgery again. My spirits sank at the thought of facing that night again. However, by the third time, I knew what would happen, so the discomfort and fear were halved.

After the third surgery, my arm was even less capable of being raised than before.

It was around this time that I finally realized. The malfunction wasn't something that could be changed by flipping a switch on or off; my muscles had been reset. Since the bucket had been overturned and the water was gone, I would have to refill it from scratch.

After this, I would have to open my neck one more time. In two weeks, I experienced a total of four surgeries under general anesthesia.

Through the four surgeries, it was confirmed that the nerves were not damaged and there were no defects in the hardware inserted, so from there, it was decided to aim for a full recovery through rehabilitation. A rehabilitation process began where changes were hard to see, like refilling water drop by drop, day by day.

My hospitalization, which was supposed to be half a month, extended to two and a half months, and I returned to society with my left arm only able to be swayed slightly. While venting my weaknesses on note, and working hard on outpatient visits and self-training at home, I finally reached a state where I could say it had "returned to normal" a year later.

That was about five months ago.

Even though not even half a year has passed, it feels like something from the distant, distant past. No, it even feels like it didn't happen to me at all.

Perhaps if I tried to write it down in detail and at length, there might be much, much more, but what I have written here is everything that remains in my heart now. I have no anger or resentment at all. I also think that overcoming an event like this makes life more interesting. Having gone through this, I have become much stronger. That is all.