The day my worries vanished, even though the problem hadn't changed at all.

Not a single thing about the problem had been solved.

The other person hadn't changed. The situation hadn't changed.
And yet, the worry that had been so painful until yesterday suddenly seemed small.
What changed wasn't the problem. It was the place where I was standing.

When we are worried, we think about "how we can solve it."

Change the other person.
Improve the situation.
Try harder myself.

However, there are problems that won't budge no matter what you do.
I once had a work-related incident that I couldn't get out of my head.

I felt I had explained it clearly, but it didn't get through to the other person. No matter how many times we talked, we kept missing each other at the same point.

"How can I get them to understand?"

The more I thought that, the more I obsessed over the other person's words and attitude, replaying the conversation in my head over and over.

However, at one point, this question occurred to me:
"Is this a problem that I can't move forward from unless they understand?"

In that moment, the scenery changed a little. I had been framing the problem as "getting the other person to understand." But what was really necessary wasn't their understanding, but rather conveying the required information and fulfilling my own role.

I don't need to take responsibility for getting the other person to agree.
The problem itself hasn't changed at all.
The other person's thoughts and attitude are the same.

It's just that my perspective shifted from "a problem that won't end unless I change the other person" to "a problem that can be concluded if I fulfill my own role." When that happened, my heart felt strangely lighter.

Similar things happen in HR and management settings.
A boss might continue to worry, thinking, "I have to make them reflect," about a subordinate whose behavior doesn't change no matter how many times they are warned.

But is reflection really what is needed?
It might be communicating the expected behavior more concretely. It might be changing the work structure. It might be reviewing assignments or roles.

If you stand from the perspective of "making them reflect," the problem won't end unless you change the other person's inner self. If you stand from the perspective of "preventing recurrence," the number of actions you can take increases.

A good question doesn't make a problem disappear, but it moves you to a place where you are no longer controlled by the problem.

When we are worried, we are trapped in a single perspective.
"It should be this way."
"The other person should think this way."
"This problem must be solved."
Without realizing those assumptions, we keep looking for answers from the same place.

Even when we think we are listening to someone, our own experiences and advice can cross our minds, causing us to lose focus on the person in front of us. This mental movement is also called "blocking."

Something similar might be happening when we think about our worries.
"Usually, you do it this way."
"I have to do something about it."
"I need to get them to understand."
Those voices in our heads are preventing us from seeing a different view.

So, if you looked at the worry you are currently holding from someone else's perspective, how would it look?
How much of a problem would your future self one year from now feel it is?
In the first place, does that problem really need to be "solved"?

The power of questioning is not just the skill of providing the correct answer.
It is also the power to discover where you are standing unconsciously and to move to a different place.
When you cannot move a problem, instead of standing still in front of it, try changing your own position slightly. Then, even if the problem remains right there, it may no longer be a worry.

Today's thought

Today's questions

• Who do you think you need to change?

• Does that problem truly need to be solved before you can move forward?

• When viewed from a different perspective, what does that worry look like?

For those who want to think about this theme more deeply

For those who wish to deepen the sense of how perspectives change through questions in actual dialogue or labor and social security attorney practice, I offer insights on how to use and engage with questions in the "Questioning Power Practice Lab | Labor and Social Security Attorney Dialogue School."

If you are looking for questions that illuminate new directions when you feel stuck in your daily life or work, please also take a look at the paid magazine "Map of Questions."

For those who want to encounter the questions and perspectives of various writers, there is the free magazine [Created by Everyone] Questioning Power Magazine.

Regarding work and organizations where employees want to stay, I explore the topic from a slightly different angle in my Substack, "Work and Organizations Where People Stay."