Things I feel from time to time

When I am writing a note,
there are times when my hands stop.

I write down my feelings and realizations
as essays and articles,
but I worry about whether these words or expressions
might feel awkward when read.

Will it come across as self-indulgent
or like I am intoxicated with myself?
Will this choice of words
be thought of as cheesy?
Will this way of expressing things
be seen as too intense or cringey?
I have moments where I think about all sorts of things like that.

Even when I want to write
using these words or expressions,
the part of me that worries about
how I will be perceived comes out.

While I think to myself,
everyone has their own values and thoughts, so why not just write
in my own way?
I still feel it from time to time,
and my hands stop.

At times like that, I tried
reading the essays and articles I had posted so far
in a casual way.

People who give me likes,
people who say my worldview is wonderful,
people who praise my ideas and expressions,
people who follow me,
people who add my work to their magazines,
the fact that there are people who are even slightly interested
and open my page,

realizing that,
I felt very happy all over again.
I felt grateful.

Since there are people who say
my own words and worldview are wonderful,
it will be fine if I just deliver them
to the people who support me.
I felt like that.

While being grateful
that people read my work,
it was a night where I felt
I could continue writing notes
in my own way from now on.