How to Create “White Space”

It was right at the beginning of 2021 that I started thinking about this vaguely.

In the autumn of 2018, I started thinking that it might be a good idea to transfer to a university and study again, in the spring of 2019, I traveled to the Kyoto campus to attend the entrance ceremony, and in the summer of 2020, I stayed in Kyoto for nearly half a month and participated in a curator internship.

Looking back, thanks to transferring, I had new encounters, and my daily life has definitely changed for the better. I have also formed connections with the wonderful place that is Kyoto and the people who live there.

However, there are more difficulties than I had imagined.
It is often said that the graduation rate for correspondence universities is not very high and that it is difficult.

Above all, schedule management is essential at all times.
It felt like I was constantly adjusting my schedule with myself, or rather, I was constantly thinking about how to come to terms with everything.

In a good way, I think I am being trained very well.
As I wrote the other day, it really feels like I am voluntarily imposing a multi-year ascetic life on myself.

A student life where “deadlines” come almost every week and every day

In which year of enrollment do I aim to graduate?
For that, when should I take the required subjects among the four terms of spring, summer, autumn, and winter of which year?
When are the deadlines for the tests and reports for that?

By when should I read the syllabus, textbooks, and reference materials for that?
By when should I go for the necessary fieldwork, this week? Next week?
Then, when and how much time should I spend studying today...

Well, it is natural in a work setting, but learning at university also means that if you calculate everything one by one, some kind of “deadline” comes almost every week and every day.
There are many things that people cannot proceed with unless a deadline is set.
Considering my own personality, it is also a fact that because there were clear deadlines, I have been able to do my best in my daily life as a working art student while balancing various things every day.

But!

Before I knew it, I started to feel that I was gradually running out of breath in the seesaw game of “it’s hard but fun, it’s fun but hard.”

Thanks to you, I have managed to get this far without failing any credits, and my grades are decent.
Then why?

Almost every time, I completely run out of time.
In almost every subject, the time is not enough at the estimated pace I set at the beginning. The point I was aiming for and my gaze were looking at a slightly different place.

I wanted to learn at my own “pace” a little more

The art world is truly interesting, and the more I worked on the subjects, the more I wanted to spend time digging deeper, and I wanted to know and experience that derived thing as well.
Until I reach the point I am aiming for, I want to learn more in a chain reaction.

But with the estimated pace I set and the schedule I calculated backwards, I have to move on to the next thing. If I stay here, the later schedule will be congested, and the next deadline will come.

The reason for the feeling of being out of breath was that as a result of my pace becoming my own pace due to my desire to learn, I could no longer keep up with the estimated pace.


Wait? I transferred because I wanted to learn art history, so it shouldn't be bad to slow down to dig deeper and proceed at my own pace.
Could it be that taking subjects has been replaced by “things I have to do to graduate”...?

Graduation should have been a goal, but not the purpose

Of course, graduating is a big goal. If I cannot graduate, I cannot obtain the curator qualification that I have worked hard to increase my credits for.

It is also a fact that the shorter the period of enrollment at the university, the less the burden on my wallet.
Life is unpredictable, so it is very, very important to do what you can and what you want to do without putting it off.


But, as the third year of transferring arrived, it started to feel like a waste to rush through that year to graduation all at once.

At the same time, I wanted some time to rest and some mental space. Looking back on the two intense years I ran through, I wanted to take a detour to interesting places, organize the textbooks and reference materials I had read, and take a moment to look back and savor them again.

The purpose of transferring to the university should not have been to graduate and obtain a curator qualification, but to systematically relearn writing expressions related to art and art history from around the world now that I am an adult, and to better understand the art museums and museums I love.
And I should have wanted to do my best under various constraints and graduate with as much “substance” as I could be satisfied with myself.

A year of white space: I will take a leave of absence in the 2021 academic year

When I went through the procedures, I told the university this.

It is my second year since transferring, but I felt like I was being chased by submission deadlines almost every month.
To proceed with subject enrollment in 3-month terms, there were only subjects with so much content that I couldn't fully digest them, and while I couldn't unnecessarily increase the number of years of enrollment financially or in terms of work, the feeling that it was a great waste to just go through the motions of enrollment was growing.

So, I would like to take a leave of absence to take time to review the subjects and fields I have touched on in these two years, and learn more about the fields I have become interested in as a result, and then welcome the graduation year.
Therefore, it is a leave of absence that I chose with a very positive feeling.

Even though it is a leave of absence, there is almost no feeling of being excited like, Yay! It's a break!
Rather, it feels likea vast amount of self-study time with a deadline set for one year later has begun.

I have already made a one-year task list to preview the remaining required subjects and posted it on my desk. I think it will be quite difficult after returning to school if I don't do at least this much.
...I feel like people will say, how much are you pushing yourself! lol. I haven't graduated yet, so I'm just trembling from now on that what I did during my leave of absence and how I spent my time will be very much questioned after I return to school.

.................................

With that said, I plan to return to updating this note on days ending in 5 and 0, and I hope to write about various things. I would be happy if you continue to read them.

Also, just as I was thinking that I would like to start "sowing seeds" for my future work and activities after graduation, even if only a little at a time, I was blessed with some wonderful opportunities.
For the past two years, I have kept my workload light to take advantage of being a freelancer, but for this coming year, I am thinking of dedicating a bit more time to it while maintaining a good balance! I am looking forward to it.

The world will likely continue to be unpredictable for some time. There are many things that are beyond my control. Even if I complain or lament about them, time moves forward steadily and equally for everyone.

My life is my own.
Which path to choose, at what pace to proceed, whether to stop, walk, or run, and where to aim—it is all up to me, and it is not something to be compared with others.
Unexpected obstacles may appear, but I want to keep holding the steering wheel of my own life.