When Speaking Up to Your Child's School in the Netherlands

"There were kids talking during the test, and I couldn't concentrate..."
"The kids who finished early were talking and asking questions, and the teacher was answering them..."

My daughter, Lily (a pseudonym), who is in a grade considered a "critical period" in the Netherlands, complained about this as soon as she got home on the second day of testing. As former school teachers, we were bewildered: "Students talking during a test?" "The teacher talking, too?"

"It wasn't just me; other kids said it too. They asked, 'Teacher, why are you talking during the test?' And the teacher just said, 'Oh, sorry.'"

"Is that the kind of atmosphere that's okay for tests in Dutch elementary schools?"
"Is this just the educational culture of this country?"
I thought about these things, but I still couldn't accept it, so after talking it over with Lily, we decided to email her homeroom teacher.

Is it a parent's role to provide the best environment for their child?

"Providing the best place for a child is what a parent can do."
"If a parent thinks their child's environment isn't a good fit, they have to change it, otherwise the child is wasting their time."

"Mr. Mishima, what criteria did you use to choose your daughter's elementary school?"
When you share information about education from the Netherlands, people often assume you must be very passionate about your child's education.
I am often asked, "Does your daughter attend a Jena Plan elementary school?"

In truth, we asked the relocation agent at the time to choose Lily's school. We had two requests: that it be close to where we planned to live, and that it have English classes starting from age four. Actually, that was it; the priority was just finding a house. When I say that, some people give me a negative look, as if to say, "I guess you're not the type to worry much about your child's environment." I sometimes get that (disappointing) look that says, "This person is an educator, but doesn't seem very passionate about education." Haha.

In fact, the school Lily attends is a normal, or rather, in the Netherlands where alternative education is quite popular, an elementary school with a style so old-fashioned it makes you wonder. It's completely unremarkable, to the point where I sometimes think they might be resting on their laurels (bitter laugh). If someone asks, "Would you recommend it?" I answer, "I wouldn't particularly recommend it, haha." In fact, when a Spanish father who recently moved here asked me about the school, that's what I told him. He gave me a wry smile, as if to say, "You're not going to recommend it?!" Haha.

So, if you can choose your child's school freely in the Netherlands, why not change from that (not-recommended, haha) school? We answer like this:"Because I believe the foundation of education lies in the home, not the school, so as long as the school isn't the absolute worst, it's fine."That is what we say.

Furthermore, the school has now become an important place for Lily, and she has never once complained about not wanting to go to school. If that's the case, I see no reason for us to change schools. We aren't the ones attending school, she is, and since she says she enjoys it, even if there are a few drawbacks (from our perspective), I see no reason or need to change it.

If you change your environment because it "doesn't fit," what happens to the place you left behind?

While the idea of "changing your environment if it doesn't fit" is highly valued, I have a slightly different view. That is,"To think about and act on what you can do to make a place you feel doesn't fit just a little bit better, and to stay there during times of change."That is what I mean.

If it breaks, buy a new one; don't get involved with people who don't fit; distance yourself from environments with problems.In today's increasingly diverse society, this seems like the optimal solution at first glance. And it is also very easy to understand. Of course, I don't mean to say that those actions, choices, and judgments are wrong. I think there are times when that is the "optimal" choice.

But if we apply that to everything,what will happen to those "places left behind"?Is it really okay to say, "I'm the one leaving, so I don't care"?Is it really optimal and correct to "not get involved" in the process of turning a "hopeless place" into a "place with possibilities"?I think that the way we "choose only what we like" is very lonely and passive.

To avoid becoming a "parent who only complains about school education"

Having seen over 70 schools in the Netherlands, I know that the elementary school Lily attends is by no means a perfect school. Having seen more schools than the average person, I probably find more discrepancies in quality at Lily's school. If I looked in the neighborhood, there would likely be schools that seem better than her current one. But does "choosing a better environment" outweigh "trying to improve the current environment"?

Furthermore, even if it's a school I can't exactly recommend (haha), I feel that the idea that we ourselves can do something about those "non-recommendable parts" is exactly what is missing in modern education in developed countries. That is why, as someone who shares information about education, I wanted to demonstrate that with my own actions, and I have been involved in my child's school education as a parent by doing what I can.

In that sense, I have actively cooperated with volunteering at Lily's school. I do presentations and workshops on Japanese culture in her class every year whenever I am asked. Thanks to my efforts to actively engage with other parents, I am now very grateful for their presence, as they share all sorts of information with me. We even had a gathering where parents got together to make gyoza.I have always thought it is important not to make supporting children's school education or improving the environment something that "the school should do, and we can't do."

Contacting the homeroom teacher, messages to other parents

To get back to the point, the 'classroom situation during the test' that my daughter told me about was something we could not overlook. There have been various issues I've felt before, and there were a few times I let things slide thinking, 'Well, it's fine this time,' but this was something I couldn't just ignore.

When I asked Lily for more details again, it turned out she wasn't the only one frustrated by the talking during the test. Of course, I don't believe everything in her story is a fact, but at least I felt it was true that 'there was enough talking during the test to disturb others.' So, I sent a message to the homeroom teacher, asking them to instruct students who finish the test early to be considerate of those still taking it and to show respect.

However, at the same time, I wondered if this was just a matter for the school. The very act of thinking, 'I'm done, so it's okay to talk during the test,' lacks 'respect for others.' And I thought that was something we could talk to our children about at home as well. Of course, it took a little courage. But I felt that speaking up to make this topic 'our issue' was what was needed right now. So, I also sent a message to the parents' WhatsApp group.

'I heard that during today's test, some children who finished early were having unnecessary conversations and making noise despite the test being in progress. It seems that not just my daughter, but some other children were frustrated by the situation. Even if the test is finished early, why don't we talk at home about showing respect for others and acting with consideration? I have also sent a message to the homeroom teacher about this. Thank you for your cooperation. Have a good evening!'
That was the kind of message I sent. More parents reacted with '👍' or '🩷' than usual for general announcements, and I felt like something that had been stuck in my chest had finally been cleared.

By the way, the teacher's response was,
'Thank you for letting me know. As you say, children should be quiet during tests. I will talk to the children at school today. Have a good day!'

This is just my personal impression, but the staff at Lily's school always say, 'Please let us know if anything comes up.' I can say this isn't just a polite phrase, but that they truly mean it, because when I contact them like this, they handle it properly. I feel an attitude of 'accepting feedback honestly (of course, not unreasonable things, but things that make sense)' from them. That might be why I feel like we can join hands to improve school education together.

Changing the subject to 'we'

I am currently volunteering at a local food bank. I also help with English classes at a local elementary school, and I value 'opportunities to engage in social activities' by going to various places in society. I thought this was a necessary action to turn the 'someone else's society' within me into 'our society.'

I realize that the society I see through my own experiences and gut feelings is very different from the society I see on the news. Even when I see terrible news, being able to feel from my own experience that 'society isn't just full of such terrible things' is, I think, what gives me a reason to believe in this society.

Whether it's about the local community or school education, I feel that a healthy society is one where we stop throwing stones from angles invisible to the other side, and instead show ourselves and say, 'So, how shall we handle this together?' And I think such actions are even more necessary in modern society, where things on the screen are becoming more prominent.

My daughter Lily has now been chosen for a role called 'mediator,' where she intervenes in conflicts between children at elementary school and watches over the lower graders during recess. A mediator is someone who helps resolve conflicts, taking on the role of guiding them toward peaceful solutions themselves.

'Mom, it's not always easy to solve things when a fight happens. But I've come to realize that there are many things we can understand if we talk properly. Not saying it doesn't matter, not saying it's none of my business, but everyone getting involved and trying to work it out. That process, you know? It's super important.'

Choosing a school with a good reputation from the start is fine, but,
what can I do to make that school better, even if its reputation is a bit bad?
Having a sense of ownership, keeping distance from indifference.
I believe that such a step creates the feeling that 'our society is a good thing.'