I added 'do nothing' to my to-do list

My mind won't stop spinning 🌀

A roaring, hot feeling,
a restless feeling,
a sense that it just won't get quiet

The cause was the accumulation of fatigue
from running non-stop for two years

The other day, my middle school daughter retired from her club activities.


In addition to club practice,
she also participated in off-campus practice,


so as a parent, while working full-time,
I was driving her almost every night and on weekends too.



My sleep time as a mother was about 3 to 5 hours on weekdays.

In my head, I was constantly thinking,


'What's tomorrow again?'

'I can't work overtime today, so
I'll take my laptop home and telework at night.'

'Oh, what about my younger son's schedule?'


and so on,

thinking two or three steps ahead.

During the day, I worked while fighting off sleepiness,
and at night, while driving her around or picking up balls,



I was constantly adjusting
work and home schedules in my head.

Before I knew it, for about two years,
I had been running at full speed.

Because if I slowed down,
I felt like I would collapse.

Unconsciously, I released adrenaline

and ran,
ran,

and raced through it all.

The day after she retired,


I cleaned the house a little
and took a nap.


I slept at night too,



and the next day, I just kept sleeping;
I could barely stay awake for two days.



I thought that, surely, with the sense of relief,
I would feel like, 'Finally, I'm free!'
There were also many things I wanted to do


that I had been putting off.

But,
even though my body was resting,

my mind was still roaring and running.

'Am I okay?'




But, when I think about it,
maybe it's only natural.


For two years, with driving 5 to 7 days a week,
my mind and body were in a state of tension.


Even if I was suddenly told,
'Okay, time for a break!',


I couldn't switch gears immediately.


That's how desperate I was every day.



I only ever looked forward.



I knew that if I looked at myself,
I would stop.



Maybe now is not the time to work hard at something,
but the time to face myself
who has been running for so long.

Little by little,

slowly.

First, while tidying up the house that got messy because I neglected chores,

/
You worked hard,
you did your best,
\

I think I will regain my own pace while comforting my daughter and myself.

Driving my younger son will continue twice a week,
but compared to seven days a week, it's manageable.

I haven't been able to think about anything for a while,
and I don't feel like I have any motivation,
so I think I'll just do nothing.

I used to feel guilty
about "doing nothing."

I have to clean,
I have to meal prep,
I have to study for my certification.

That's what I used to think.

Now,
"doing nothing" is also part of the job.


It's like a hero staying at an inn to recover HP,


and I consider it a perfectly valid item on my to-do list.

Evening,

finish work,
go home,
make and eat dinner,
take a bath,
do some stretching,
zone out,
sleep.

Doing these things slowly without being chased by time
is just wonderful, isn't it?✨

If there is anyone out there right now
who is running just as hard due to child-rearing or work,

the finish line will definitely come someday.

I know every day is probably hectic,
but please never push yourself too hard.

Sometimes, tell yourself, "Good job."

And at the very top of your to-do list,

"do nothing"

please add it in.🌸