Things Men with Little Romantic Experience Often Do

Nice to meet you. 👍 My name is Naoki, and I escaped being unpopular with women in my 30s.

Looking back now, I realize that because I had so little romantic experience, I often ended up spinning my wheels. Have any of you had experiences like this?

This time, I'm going to write about this quite realistically, including things I actually used to do myself.

Making the person you like the center of your life

I definitely used to do this.

The moment I liked someone, that person became my top priority in life.

I'd think about them at work. I'd think about them when I got home. I'd check my LINE messages before going to sleep.

From your perspective, I'm sure you can see I was completely dominated by romance (lol).

But back then, I thought, 'That just means I'm serious about her.'

The less romantic experience a man has, the more he puts everything into a relationship. That's why it becomes heavy.

From a woman's perspective, it feels like you're trying to entrust your whole life to her before you've even started dating.

No wonder it's suffocating.

Letting reply speed destroy your mental state

I seriously used to do this.

I'd be happy just to get a reply. I'd get depressed just because a message stayed unread for a long time.

And the scary part is, I'd start imagining meanings on my own.

Did she hate me? Did I mess something up? Is there another guy...?

And before I knew it, I was constantly checking the chat screen.

Looking back now, it's just too painful lol.

But when you have little romantic experience, romance takes up such a huge portion of your life that a single reply can completely change your mental state.

The desire to "not be disliked" is too strong

This is quite fundamental...

I think men with little dating experience have a very strong desire to avoid being disliked at all costs.

That is why they:

・Go along with the other person
・Never disagree
・Agree with everything
・Force themselves to be kind
・Read the room too much

Even if they are actually tired, they go if invited.
Even if they actually want to go to a different restaurant, they go along with the other person.

But that is not so much kindness as it is just wanting to avoid being disliked.

As a result, they slowly lose their own identity and become boring men.

Confusing kindness with fawning

The old me didn't understand this at all.

There was a time when I genuinely believed that "kind men are popular."

So, I would:

・Reply quickly
・Never refuse a request
・Keep listening to them talk
・Agree with everything

I was putting this into practice.

But the result was always ending up as just a "nice guy."

Women are attracted to the kindness of a man whohas a sense of self.

If you are kind without having a sense of self, it isjust fawning.

Putting women on too high a pedestal

Getting nervous just because a cute woman is there. Thinking, "Someone like me..."

Being overly considerate, trying too hard to be funny, and ending up spinning your wheels.

Women are actually quite sensitive to that kind of vibe.

Conversely, men who are good at dating don't put women on a pedestal more than necessary; they treat them like normal people.

Thinking, "If I let this person go, it's over."

When you have little dating experience, you tend to think this way.

I used to seriously think, "If I miss out on this person, I might never find anyone else."

That's why you become obsessed, become overbearing, and chase them.

This was the biggest reason I lost my composure.

On the other hand, men who are good at dating have a mindset of "if it doesn't work out, there's always next time."
Of course, that doesn't mean you should treat them poorly.

But precisely because they aren't staking their entire life on just one relationship, they possess the composure of a mature man.

In conclusion

Having little dating experience in itself is not a bad thing.
The problem is getting consumed by that complex and losing yourself.

In dating, it's very important to have a sense of self first.
I hope this serves as a reference for men who, like my past self, are feeling drained by dating.