1-2 It's not that you're weak because it's hard to speak up. It's because there are no rules for the situation.

Series 2 | Dictionary of Discomfort in Work and Society (Week 1: People who do things properly lose out | Episode 2)

A story for those who feel a sense of discomfort

On a Friday evening, just as I was starting to wrap up my work, a chat notification chimed. What arrived from the other side of the screen were gentle words.
“I’m sorry for the rush, but could you take a look at this sometime today? It would be a big help. Thank you as always.”

I have a reason to refuse. My day is already packed, and I have plans for the weekend.
However, the words to refuse stop just before my throat. I imagine the atmosphere first, wondering what would happen if I refused here.
The other person might make a troubled face. The next time I ask for something, it might become harder for me to ask. Or, I might be seen as someone who isn't cooperative.

In the end, I decided to reply.
“Understood, I will check it.”
The moment I sent that short reply, my shoulders felt a little lighter. I feel like I can enter the weekend without being a bad person.
However, I realize that lightness won't last long. When I start looking at it, the materials aren't organized, and the premises aren't even written down. The points that need checking are scattered. It might take longer than I thought.
Before I know it, the end of my day is being pushed back.

The following week, a similar notification comes again. From someone else. This time, it’s even lighter.
“This, urgent. If possible, by today.”
You smile and reply.
“Understood.”
Just like always. Before I can say otherwise, my fingers move. In this way, the difficulty of speaking up piles up.

Why do I feel this way?

It is not because you are weak that it is hard to speak up.
In many cases, it is because the rules of the situation are not designed.
Talks about workload easily look like personal issues. Even though you just want to talk about the distribution of work, it sounds like you are blaming the other person.
So you stay silent. When you stay silent, the distribution becomes fixed. When it becomes fixed, it becomes rational to rely on the same person next time.

And the person asking has no malice, either.
They rely on people who are easy to ask. They rely on people who reply quickly. They rely on people who tidy things up.
That is also rational.
As a result of rationality meeting rationality, an atmosphere where it is hard to speak up is created.
If you want to change the atmosphere, it is more realistic to prepare a way to say it than to try to increase your courage.

Next actions you can take now

Try preparing a sentence that directs the talk about workload toward the work, not the person. Next time you are asked, just reply with this briefly.

Example)

• If I take this on this week, these other two things will be delayed. Which would you like me to prioritize?

• I can handle this. However, what is the deadline?

• This is difficult for me this week. I can do this instead.

These are not words for refusing, but words for choosing again. When re-choosing piles up, the learning of the situation changes.

This sense of discomfort is easily weakened by the design of meetings and the design of decision-making. Please also take a look at the following.

The problem is not the person. The problem is the design.

Inquiries

If you would like to design B Corp/sustainability management/decarbonization initiatives not as something you “do and finish,” but as a reproducible mechanism, please consult us here.

Author

Naoki Kato | Social Strategist
I support sustainability strategies (B Corp/SDGs/decarbonization, etc.) for small and medium-sized enterprises and local businesses.
Through the "design" of systems, mechanisms, and rules, I am working to connect pride in work and local value to the aspirations of the next generation.

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