To You Who Have Been Asked to Give a Representative Friend Speech at a Wedding

Congratulations to you, who have been asked to give a representative friend speech at a wedding.
This is an experience you will likely have at most a few times in your life, so please be proud of it.

I gave my first-ever representative friend speech the day before yesterday.
I did a lot of research for the speech, but various websites only had template phrases, and YouTube was full of brilliant people who could brighten up the room with jokes. I couldn't find much reference on how to create a speech that was appropriately moving while incorporating humor, so I am leaving this record of my thoughts for those in a similar situation.

This is for those who don't have any special talents like being able to perform skits or sing in front of people, but still want to give a speech that will remain in people's hearts.

Organize the purpose of the speech

First, organize the requirements.
I assume the bride and groom asked you to give a speech, but you should align the purpose of that speech with the requester. The content will change significantly depending on that.

・Is it a speech as a representative friend of the groom or the bride, or is it a speech as a mutual friend of both?
・What kind of people are the others giving speeches, and what is the atmosphere?・What kind of people are the attendees? Are there many family members? Is it an atmosphere where inside jokes from the company would be well-received? Is it a formal or casual gathering? Is the age group high or low?
・Were you asked to liven things up, were you asked to make people emotional, or were you just told to do a good job?

Once you know the purpose, ask about the time and the flow of the day.
・Speech time (even if you go long with ad-libs on the day, you must absolutely stick to the deadline)・The schedule before and after
・How you will be introduced by the MC before your speech

In my case, I was a representative friend for both the bride and groom and the only one giving a speech, so I aligned with them that I would properly introduce the two, the time was 5-6 minutes but it was okay if it went a little long, the content was up to me, and the speech would be given after an introduction by the MC.

Brainstorming ideas

Once you have organized the purpose and time of the speech, it is finally time to start writing the manuscript.
However, if you start writing the manuscript right away, you will end up revising it many times, so first, brainstorm ideas. This part takes up most of the preparation, and the better the episodes you come up with here, the better the speech will be.

Use Notion, a spreadsheet, or similar tools to list as many episodes with the groom/bride as you can think of.

I created a page in Notion two weeks before the wedding, started brainstorming, and kept doing this work until four days before.
I wrote down about 50 episodes in total, bulleting them while dividing them by genre.

Look at your LINE chat history or photo albums to jog your memory, and write down ideas in any level of detail. The level of detail can be fine; in fact, it might be better if it is detailed.

While brainstorming, there is no need to include stories that are too negative or stories that definitely cannot be told at a wedding.
It is a good idea to include the story of how you met as a must.

While brainstorming, I think it is good to imagine yourself giving the speech on the day and start thinking little by little about the direction you want to take.

Summarizing the ideas

Once you have finished brainstorming, move on to selecting which episodes to use before turning them into a manuscript.

You will mainly select two things: the "story of how you met" and "an episode that symbolizes their personality."

You will probably be unsure about the selection, so I think it is best to first decide on "the good point of that person you want to convey to the participants the most." Then, include an episode that symbolizes that good point.
If possible, if you can turn that "good point" into a power word in your own words, you can avoid sounding like a template and make it a speech that remains in people's hearts. For example, "They are bright and liked by everyone" sounds a bit like a template, so it might be good to say something like "They are a natural charmer who works hard."

Also, it is good to have two types of good points: "the good points of the groom/bride that many of the participants probably already know" and "unexpected good points" that only you, as a close friend, know and want to tell everyone.
If you include an episode that symbolizes the "typical" part of the groom/bride that many participants know, it will create empathy, which will lead to laughter.However, if that is all you do, it will end as just "an introduction of a person everyone knows," so in addition to that, tell them about their "unexpected good points."
For example, if a person has an image of being a bright joker, I think it will add depth if you have an episode that symbolizes that, as well as an episode that symbolizes the gap of them actually being unexpectedly thoughtful. Also, if they have an image of being a smart and serious person, in addition to that episode, it would be good to have an episode where they are unexpectedly full of human kindness and show their raw emotions.

It can be difficult to try and force humor, but you can actually get quite a few laughs just by recalling and including some of that person's typical behaviors.
Depending on your relationship and their personality, it is okay to poke a little fun, but being too negative is inappropriate for the occasion, and even if you do poke fun, make sure to say twice as many good things.

Also, if possible, try to create a connection between the episode about how you met and an episode that symbolizes their good qualities, or include the same item or phrase in a non-essential part of the speech; it's not quite foreshadowing, but it will help pull the speech together into something witty.

It is also a good idea to choose your words and terminology based on the background of the attendees. This could include industry-specific jargon or terms used in a club you both belonged to. However, be careful not to overdo it, as it can come across as awkward; just a little bit is fine. I only included it once.

Drafting the text

Once you have gathered your episodes and material, let's start putting them into the form of a manuscript.
First, write your "first draft" by turning the material you want to include into sentences. Please write it in spoken language.You need to write the first draft with the mindset that you can fix it later as much as you want, otherwise you will never be able to start, so feel free to just start writing. Don't worry about the length either. It will almost certainly be longer than the planned time.

Once you have finished writing the first draft, read it through and time yourself. It will likely be too long. Mine was about twice the planned time.

As you read, refine the phrasing and wording of any unnatural parts, and trim away stories that stray too far from the main point or unnecessary episodes to create a second and third draft.
However, since this is not a thesis or a critique, it is okay to stray slightly from the main point, and in fact, I think it is better to leave in a certain degree of specificity.The more detailed the content, words, and specifics of the episodes about "this person said this," the more originality it will have, and the easier it will be for the attendees to visualize the scene and the person's character, so be careful not to trim too much here.

In my case, much of the actual speech consisted of introducing the exact "words" the groom/bride had actually spoken, and since that resulted in success, I am glad I kept those specific episodes.

While writing the text, look up standard phrases online.
Include essential standard phrases, such as starting with, "As I was just introduced, my name is [Name]. Groom, Bride, and members of both families, congratulations on this wonderful day," and ending with, "I wish you both eternal happiness." Having these keeps the speech from falling apart, and it makes it easy for the listeners to know that you are finishing, so they can listen with peace of mind. Even for a very casual wedding, I think you should include at least the bare minimum.

At the same time, look up taboo words online, check if they are in your manuscript, and correct them.

If you have any concerns about the content, please check with the bride and groom in advance. If you are worried about whether it is okay to talk about how you met or mention that you lived together, just ask.

Practicing

Practice speaking it out loud many times until you can say it without looking at anything.

Basically, once you have created the latest draft, I think it is best to try speaking without looking at anything. At that time, do not try to read exactly as written; speak naturally, and prioritize the phrasing, expressions, and episodes that come out in the moment, and overwrite your latest draft with those words. On the actual day, those words will likely be easier to remember and will sound more heartfelt.

Time yourself every time you practice. Understand your own personality—whether you tend to speak fast or slow when you are nervous—and check if your timing accounts for that, then make adjustments.

It is best to be in a state where you can say it without looking at anything at least two days before the actual event. If you really lack confidence, I think it is fine to write the manuscript in a letter and read it on the day.

Also, if possible, I think it is a good idea to have a mutual friend who is also attending the wedding listen to your speech in advance. I know it might feel embarrassing, but you can practice with a sense of tension, get their reaction, and notice if you accidentally included something you shouldn't have said. I had one person listen to mine in advance, and it gave me confidence, so I recommend it.

If you are the type of person who gets nervous easily, it is also a good idea to practice while recording a video. Since you will definitely be speaking with a camera pointed at you on the day, it will give you the same feeling, and by objectively watching the speech later, you can correct points or speaking styles you didn't notice in the manuscript.

Going to karaoke and practicing with a microphone is also good because it can create a situation close to the real thing.

Also, if by any chance this is the first wedding you have ever attended in your life, you should get used to the atmosphere of a wedding itself, so I think it is a good idea to watch a few wedding videos on YouTube.

Mindset for the Day

Please take care of your health. Get plenty of sleep. It is reassuring to have throat lozenges, anti-diarrheal medicine, or stomach medicine on hand.
You might think about relaxing your nerves with alcohol, but I recommend avoiding it until after your speech if possible. This depends on your constitution.

If you are attending from the ceremony, you might be too restless to pay attention, but try to watch and listen to the ceremony as much as possible. Also, at the reception, there will likely be a toast, greetings from the bride and groom, or other events before your speech. It is a good idea to listen to those and see if there is anything you can incorporate into your speech. If you don't have the capacity for that, don't worry about it.

I included a line at the end of my speech that referenced a unique part of the ceremony and a characteristic remark made by the groom. Doing this adds a sense of spontaneity and live energy, making it a special memory. I recommend it if you have the capacity.
I decided to add that ad-lib right after the ceremony, so I quickly cut part of my speech to adjust the timing.

Now, it's your turn.
I've written a lot, but please go ahead with confidence.Your role is not to tell a funny story or to make the guests cry with emotion. It is to convey the wonderful qualities of the bride and groom to the guests and to help create a great wedding together. If you speak from the heart, everyone will listen with a smile, and it will definitely be a great speech, so you will be fine. All the guests are on your side.

Don't try to be cool or force a laugh; just speak from the heart and deliver your message to the bride, groom, and guests. You will surely succeed.

I hope this article is of some help to you.
I am praying that you and the bride and groom create wonderful memories.