The times my standards for 'cleanliness' were most shattered: the newborn stage and the COVID-19 pandemic

Triggered by the COVID-19 pandemic, 'cleanliness' became a power word for many people.
Of course, I also found myself thinking about 'cleanliness' more often.

'Cleanliness' = being free of dirt and clean.

One day, while I was desperate to maintain cleanliness (i.e., disinfection) at home and when going out.

I remembered that this situation was similar to something... it was back when I had just given birth to my daughter.

An event where my 'standards for cleanliness were shattered'. Looking back, the first time that happened for me was during 'newborn childcare'.

Life with my daughter when she was a baby was truly
days of constantly maintaining 'cleanliness' and facing 'cleanliness'. Baby bottles, underwear, toys that she might put in her mouth. And everything in the house, the room itself—there were so many places that had to be disinfected.While I thought, 'I must keep the baby as clean as possible!', halfway through, I was just desperate to 'keep the baby alive'.
I constantly felt the pressure that 'if I don't (maintain cleanliness), there is a risk to (my daughter's) life'.

And that had the potential to corner me if I faced it too much.
Especially when changing diapers or when my daughter was feeling unwell, I feel like


I lost track of whether the current state was clean, dirty, or what it was.If the midwife who was in charge of me after the birth hadn't given me the advice,'Once a baby is born, they won't die that easily, so it's okay. Don't be too nervous, just relax,'
even someone with a fairly laid-back personality like me might have been cornered by facing 'cleanliness' too much.
In my first childcare experience, the desperation of 'I must protect this life' felt similar to facing a new illness during the COVID-19 pandemic and protecting my own life and the lives of those dear to me.

During the COVID-19 pandemic, the whole world became like a 'house with a newborn'.
Days where everyone, at home or out, was constantly facing 'cleanliness'.
And days where we were on edge, thinking, 'I must not transmit (germs I might be carrying)' to family and those around us.

I, too, was only thinking about how I could protect the cleanliness and health of my daughter, who was a middle schooler at the time (and a student preparing for entrance exams halfway through).

But, just like when raising a baby, I think it is also important
'not to be overly obsessed with cleanliness until it becomes painful for yourself'.


'Cleanliness' is a world with no endbecause of that.No matter how much you clean, no matter how much you disinfect, it might be dirty again the next moment.

It is probably basically impossible to be confident that even invisible dirt and germs are 'gone!'.
That is precisely why

it is painful if you cannot forgive yourself by saying, 'I've done this much, so it's okay for now'.

・Continuing within a range that doesn't put too much burden on your heart
・Having a little flexibility and forgiving yourself
This required more courage than I thought.

But, to keep running the'cleanliness race' to protect the lives of my familywhere dropping out is not allowed, it was necessary for me.

What I was grateful to my past self for during the COVID-19 pandemic was that during my daughter's newborn days,I had become 'someone who could be lenient with myself' to a certain extent.

'Cleanliness' = being (to some extent) free of dirt and (moderately) clean.


Keep being careful, aiming for a level where you can think, 'I've done what I can, so it's probably mostly clean.'
For me, I think this level is just right.

Facing and maintaining cleanliness triggered by 'newborn childcare' and the 'COVID-19 pandemic' wascontinuing to ask how much I can forgive myself, and 'deciding' for myself.