Living by your own standards makes both you and those around you happy
Are you being kind to yourself?
Are you able to cherish yourself?
I imagine some of you might have felt a little startled by those questions.
In Japanese education,
"Think about other people's feelings."
"Value other people's feelings."
These are fundamental principles, and a spirit of consideration is highly valued.
I think Japanese people are also relatively good at "sensing" things or "reading the room."
However,
"Value your own feelings."
This is not something we are really taught, is it?
That is precisely why
"feeling guilty for some reason when you try to cherish yourself"
is something that happens, isn't it?
But,in reality, cherishing yourself is the shortcut to happiness.
And,when you have your own standards, you can cherish yourself and get closer to happiness.
What kind of image do you have of the term "your own standards"?
A slightly selfish person who puts themselves first?
An egocentric person?
Having your own standards is not about that.
Having your own standards means acting based on your own values and feelings without being swayed by the opinions of others.
I originally had firm thoughts and opinions of my own.
Although I didn't strongly assert them to the people around me.
It seems that changed little by little before I knew it.
The happiness and smiles of those around me became important, and I began to think that if the people around me were happy, I could be happy too.
Just hearing that, it sounds like a good thing, right?
However, I have been prioritizing the people around me like that.
That means acting by gauging the reactions of those around me, or making choices based on other people's opinions.
I did it thinking it was for the best.
But it was actually the opposite.
To make those around you happy, you first need to be happy yourself.
I couldn't realize that for a long time.
When you prioritize others, you put yourself last.
What I want to do and what I want to eat are always put on the back burner, and I prioritize the opinions of those around me.
Acting based on others' opinions＝living by others' standards.
You end up unconsciously sacrificing yourself to accommodate others.
When you do that, frustration builds up inside you without you even realizing it.
Those around you start to take it for granted and ask for more. Then, you try to meet those demands by prioritizing them again.
Before long, you start to feel tired, or experience inexplicable sadness and loneliness.
You are at your breaking point from the accumulation of suppressed feelings.
Sometimes, a small trigger causes that frustration to overflow, leading to an outburst of anger.
And as it escalates, you start to lose track of what you like, what you want to do, and what you want to eat.
You start to lose sight of yourself.
It's scary, isn't it...
Living a life that values your own standards means being honest with yourself while also taking responsibility for your own life.
Make your own choices and take responsibility for them.
Such a way of living is accompanied by
a sense of fulfillment that comes from knowing you are choosing and walking your own path in life.
That is the foundation for living.
Important things for having your own standards
Value what you like and what you want to do.
Of course, there are things you cannot do depending on the situation, but it is important to basically have that mindset.
Properly decline things you dislike or cannot do.
I imagine there are many people who find this difficult to do.
It is hard to say no, isn't it?
Because various thoughts come up, like not wanting to make the other person feel bad or not wanting to be disliked.
But if you let yourself be swayed by those thoughts, you end up living a life that prioritizes others' standards over your own.
Listen to your heart and be honest about "what you really want to do."
Valuing your own feelings and being kind to yourself is very important, isn't it?
When you have a mindset of prioritizing others, don't you find yourself unconsciously ignoring your own feelings?
I used to do that. Truly unconsciously, as if it were natural.
Please, make sure to listen to the voice of your heart.
Because
you cannot be kind to others unless you value yourself and have the capacity to do so.
And then,
separate your own problems from those of others.
Do not let yourself be swayed by others' bad moods, and do not get too involved in other people's affairs by taking them on as your own.
If you cannot do this, you are clearly living by others' standards.
Just by stopping this, your peace of mind will increase.
You will be able to spend your time in a calm state.
When you think about it this way,
“taking care of your own mental and physical state is the absolute foundation.”
It was that.
It is not something special, but the bare minimum you must keep in mind.
It is that essential.
In that sense, I think having your own standards is essential for everyone.
Even if there are times when you prioritize others' feelings, if you have your own standards, you recognize that
“I chose to prioritize others' feelings this time.”
that is the recognition.
It is not “I just went along with others” or “I was swept away by others.”
And you can also properly prioritize your own feelings.
This is not the case if you are always making choices based on others' standards.
Your subconscious will realize that you are not being kind to yourself.
“I am not kind to myself. That means I am not a person worth being treated kindly or worth being cherished.”
Eventually, such an equation might be formed.
If that happens, your self-esteem will also continue to drop.
Before that happens, first
let's incorporate the things you like, want to do, and feel comfortable with into your daily life.
It is important for your own sake and for the sake of those around you.
“Take care of your own mental and physical state, and spend your time feeling good.”
If you do that, you will naturally be able to share happiness with everyone around you.
First be kind to yourself, and then be kind to others, okay?