[Nursing Me 74] It was chaos, but it was happy.

I was lying on the grass at the Tokyo Racecourse.

Drifting clouds and a blue sky.
It felt pleasant and peaceful—

No, that's not right.

I was,exhausted.

A 3-day, 2-night stay at my sister's house.

A 6-year-old, a 2-year-old, and a 1-year-old.
My sister is managing three children almost entirely by herself.

It is truly tough to handle
one-person parenting all alone.
Thinking that I would probably end up exhausted and bedridden,

even so,

the time I spend with my sister and her family

is happy for me.

Parenting was more chaotic than I imagined.

You can't take your eyes off a 1-year-old.
The 2-year-old is in the 'terrible twos'.
The 6-year-old is wavering between homework and play.

Meals, baths, putting them to bed, chores, preparing for tomorrow...

There seems to be time, but there isn't.

From an adult's perspective,

things don't go as planned,
so, of course, it's frustrating.

From a child's perspective,
they are steadily hitting their developmental milestones.

I think they are growing, but
when you don't have any breathing room,
it might become hard to see it that way.

If a couple doesn't cooperate,
parenting might be tough.

But in reality,
that's not always possible.

Friday night.
The 6-year-old tried to do homework, but
he didn't seem to want to start.
He dawdled while eating, and even after getting in the bath,
he wouldn't do it.

He insisted on playing games,
so he played until the alarm went off.

Meanwhile,
my sister was putting the 1-year-old and 2-year-old to bed.
I watched over my 6-year-old nephew
while doing the dishes and cleaning up.

In the end,

'If you're here, I can't do it.'

That's what he said. Eventually, I swapped places with my sister.
The two of them hadn't fallen asleep yet and were crying and screaming.
There's no point in being impatient.
I just had to wait for them to cry themselves out.

My sister came to check on us thinking I was in trouble, but

I said,
'It's fine, I'm okay.'

The 2-year-old eventually went downstairs.
You can't take your eyes off the 1-year-old.
While playing a music box,
I patted him until he entered the world of sleep.

I went downstairs.
My 6-year-old nephew must have reached his limit of sleepiness.
The 2-year-old was fussing in my sister's arms.

My sister said to the 6-year-old,

'If you don't do your homework, your teacher will be mad tomorrow.
You have to do what you're supposed to do!'

She said that.
In the end, it seemed he did his homework the next morning.
Maybe now is the time to build the habit of sitting at a desk.

But,
thinking from my nephew's perspective,
I might have been dawdling too.
Especially if my aunt was visiting,
homework might be the last thing on my mind.
And tomorrow is a day off from elementary school.
He is in the stage of adapting to an unfamiliar environment,
so he probably has stress even at his young age.

If a child could concentrate under those conditions,
I would think they were a superhuman.

Deciding what to prioritize
might be a form of education in a sense.

The three of them fell asleep, and it was our first sister time in a while.
I had made cream sodas for the children after dinner,
but my sister couldn't have any,
so I made one again for her.
I said to my sister.

You're doing great, sis. You're really doing your best.

That was all I could say.

My sister laughed and said,

Today is still better. Thank you for being here.

It became Saturday.

Waking up,

I don't know if I slept or not,
I'm tired even though I should have slept.

Last night, both my sister and I had broken sleep.
My sister was dealing with her 1-year-old's night crying.
I was on edge, worrying that the 6-year-old would kick me
with his restless sleeping.
By morning, the 2-year-old had pulled off the blankets,
so I couldn't sleep.

Ah, if this is every day,
you can't get any sleep...

In this world, there are people who have jobs where they can't afford to make mistakes.
My sister and her husband are among them.

Raising children while working is
not an easy thing.

Suddenly having to take time off or leave early.
Surely,
they must feel both guilt and worry at the same time.
Perhaps the current environment isn't enough yet.
I felt that
the environment where one can balance work and childcare is not yet fully established.

But,
I also understand the feelings of those who have to cover for them at work.

My tedious delusions expanded once again.

The plan for Saturday was
my 6-year-old nephew's two lessons.
In the morning, cram school, and in the afternoon, tennis school.
My sister put the 1-year-old and 2-year-old on her bicycle,
and I headed out walking (running) with the 6-year-old.

The 6-year-old wanted to show me
the elementary school he attends,
so even though we didn't have time, we went to see it while running.
While I was out of breath,
my sister was staring at her watch,

and my nephew had a proud look on his face.

Ah, I wonder if he's enjoying elementary school for now.

I smiled involuntarily.

At the same time, my sister said,

Time is running out, so let's meet at the cafe!

Saying that, we went our separate ways.


By the time he graduates,
he will surely be a reliable young man.
By that time, the 1-year-old will also be enrolled.
It seems slow, but it must go by in a flash...

As I grow older,
I am starting to forget my memories of elementary school.

But,
I sort of remember the time when I was in first grade and my sister was in sixth grade,
and we went to school together.

I remember the games we were into in our daily lives,
and the unpleasant things, but
I still remember the things I worked hard at.

My nephew will also have various thoughts here.
I looked toward the elementary school and involuntarily said,

Please keep my nephew safe and let him grow up freely.

I muttered,
and headed to the meeting cafe.
I walked through the unfamiliar town and somehow arrived at the cafe.
My sister arrived just then.

A brief break.
My 2-year-old nephew was stuffing his cheeks with a donut.

I spent about an hour and a half relaxing.
My sister left halfway through to go pick someone up.

I was feeling very sleepy, so I spent the time with my eyes closed.
Suddenly, I was tapped hard on the shoulder from behind.

My 6-year-old nephew smiled and
"Hey, I'm done!"
he called out to me.

He is still so cute.

Next was tennis school.
My 6-year-old nephew
threw a tantrum in front of the school, saying he hated tennis.
It seems this was his last tennis lesson.

Since there was a place to eat at the tennis school,
we all had a meal together.
The two children were goofing around while they ate.

Since we had time until 2:00 PM,
we walked around the premises a bit.

We looked for bugs and found a four-leaf clover.

From the outside, it looked like an elegant moment.
Certainly, up until this point, it was elegant.

It was 2:00 PM, so tennis school started.
My 6-year-old nephew strongly refused and went outside the classroom.
Even though the class had started, he wouldn't participate.
My sister had a 1-year-old and a 2-year-old, so she couldn't get away.
I chased after my 6-year-old nephew.
My nephew knew I was coming.

"I won't do it unless Mom comes!"

I waited where I could see my nephew.
My sister, while carrying the bags, contacted my brother-in-law,
and in the end, this tennis lesson was canceled.

When I went upstairs to tell him that,
my nephew was nowhere to be seen.

My sister hurriedly asked the reception desk, but he couldn't be found.
I also lost sight of him the moment I looked away.

When I called my nephew's name loudly,
he slipped out of the locker room.

"I was worried about you!"
I told him.

My nephew shouted at my sister,
"I hate tennis!!"

My sister also said,
"That's enough. No more tennis. Let's go home."

Saying that, my sister and the others went home first.
I didn't have the energy to run anymore, so I asked to go separately.

As I walked,
I wondered why he was refusing so strongly...

I also took lessons like swimming, piano, and English conversation.
Especially with swimming, I couldn't do the breaststroke for a long time, so I stopped liking the coach, and I didn't really like the friends I went with either. That's why I often said I was tired and would skip it.

I didn't practice piano at home anymore either.
But because I kept at it, I was able to play piano accompaniment and shine. From there, it became fun.

Lessons are either a good fit or they aren't, aren't they?
As an adult, I've tried yoga, hula dancing, the gym, and the saxophone, but the one that lasted the longest was the gym, and the shortest was hula dancing.

Things last the longest when they change from boring to fun.
But you never know until you try.

Continuing things builds both patience and the ability to keep going.
But,
how far should one go to consider it 'enough'...

Thinking about things like that again, I walked along the river.

When I returned late,
the 6-year-old was playing a game.
The 2-year-old was asleep.
The 1-year-old was awake and playing.

I told my sister I would borrow the kitchen,
and when my nephew said, 'I want to eat a cream soda,' I made one.

Once the cream soda and pudding à la mode were finished, my nephew stopped playing his game and sat next to me. With a sparkling face.

'Delicious!'

I asked my nephew, who was stuffing his cheeks with the cream soda ice cream,

'Why do you hate tennis and studying?'

My nephew, while stuffing his cheeks with ice cream,

'I hate studying every single day.
Tennis was a hassle, too.'

He spoke in a small, mumbled voice.

'Lessons and studying are a hassle, aren't they? It's tiring when it's every day. But the more you do, the stronger you get!'

I told him.
I also talked to my sister about how my nephew hates studying every day.
I confirmed with my sister that if he finished today's and tomorrow's homework, tomorrow could be an off day.

I said to my nephew,
'After this, why don't we play with colors with me, then finish today's and tomorrow's homework together and play to our hearts' content?'
My nephew nodded vigorously.

Mixing colors using shaved ice syrup,
creating colors using colored pencils...
I tried to get him to sit at the desk while having a little fun.
The 2-year-old woke up, too.
I looked after the two of them,
while my sister made dinner
and took a bath with the 1-year-old.

Sitting at a desk and focusing on something
might be a stage that requires quite a bit of perseverance.
To spark his interest, I used words my nephews like,
such as 'poop' and 'pee-pee',
to do Japanese and math studies.
That way, the 2-year-old nephew was in a good mood, too.

Before I knew it, I had probably shouted 'poop' and 'pee-pee' louder than ever before in my life.

Thanks to that effort,
the two days' worth of homework was properly finished.

'Tomorrow we can play to our hearts' content!'
I told him, and my nephew
shouted, 'Yay!'

After that, we took a bath together and ate dinner.

At night, we all played Othello and board games,
and before 9:00 PM, all three of them were asleep.

Sunday.

Thanks to my sister's consideration, I slept well.
My sister and the others seemed to be still sleeping, so I prepared for the morning.
I want my sister to rest as much as possible.
I brewed coffee.

Looking at the kitchen,
the flowers my nephews had picked were arranged in a bottle.
They have the kindness to give flowers to Mom like this.

It was a heartwarming sight.

Today is the final day.
We are meeting up with my parents for a picnic at the Tokyo Racecourse.

Before we left,
I went with my nephews to feed the medaka (rice fish) in the biotope my brother-in-law is raising.

My 6-year-old nephew found a pill bug and
showed it to me. I couldn't help but let out a sound,
which startled my nephew, and the pill bug fell into the biotope.

We rescued it, but it curled up and was hard to pick up with chopsticks.
Eventually, we lost track of where it went.

I talked to my nephew a little bit about the fragility of life.

To the nearest station,
I kept up with my two nephews as they dashed ahead.
My physical strength is nearing its limit.

...We arrived at the Tokyo Racecourse.

Neither my sister nor I had ever been here before.

The Tokyo Racecourse has a luxurious interior, and there are many shops and people.
Horse racing has a strong image of gambling,
but surprisingly, there were also places to watch the horses, look at flowers, and play.

It is very vast, so vast that I almost got lost.
And it's crowded. It's been a while since I've been in such a crowd.
That alone made me tired.

My sister said she really wanted to buy lip balm, so we stopped at a convenience store. My sister is always at her own pace.
In the meantime, I bought some coffee.

We managed to meet up with my parents at the Kids Garden.
We laid out a leisure sheet, and the children went off to play. I was already exhausted.

Laughing together,
lounging around,
just spending time together.

It was fun.

Even in these chaotic days,
the smiles of the children playing freely must be the answer.

That night, I went to a soba restaurant with my parents.
It seemed like they came because they thought it would be hard for us.

My mother said,
'When it comes to horse racing, I don't have a good image of it because of your father, but I'm glad I could spend time with my grandchildren and daughter like this.'

When I asked,
'Mom, why do you hate horse racing so much?'
she glared at my father and said.

'Right after your sister's last kindergarten sports day, he said he wanted to go to the horse races. Even though we had no money. I followed him. And just then, you were in my womb. I almost had a miscarriage. I'm glad you were born safely, but I couldn't forgive him for playing around without helping with childcare.'

Surely, my mother raised us almost entirely by herself.
My father had his own hardships outside, studying to get certifications and earning money to support us, but still.
I only started playing with my father after I was in elementary school.
Until then, during the difficult times, my mother was the main caregiver.

Surely, my mother was carrying almost everything on her own.

My mother had no one nearby she could rely on.
She was often irritable,
but she was happy when we were happy.
When she got angry, she was very scary, and I had no choice but to obey.

From my mother's perspective,
it must have been chaotic.
Because my father wouldn't get angry.
He must have taken on the role of the bad guy.

To raise us.

But the children are watching that.
And that, too, will become a memory.

As expected, the next day,
I slept all day. I also had muscle aches.
My body wouldn't move.

It was pouring rain outside.

Even though my father, mother, sister, nephew, and niece were all
going to work, school, and daycare.

I didn't feel like doing anything.
But I feel like my recovery is a little faster than before.

As expected, I still need to recover by taking breaks.
And if I ever have children in the future,
I feel like I might collapse from a lack of energy.

Such delusions continued to expand.

Before I knew it, it was 6:00 PM.
The setting sun reflected off the windows of the apartment building to the east,
and my room suddenly became bright.

When I opened the window,
there was a double rainbow in the sky.

I also received a video message from my sister on LINE.
My sister, my nephew, and my nieces
were looking at the rainbow with sparkling faces.

It was chaotic, yet I was happy.