Why 'Going with the Flow' Doesn't Work—Why Life Becomes Lighter When You Let Go of Control

'Things aren't going well because I'm not in control.'

Don't you think so?

If I try harder,
if I make better choices,
if I can anticipate things better,

everything should work out, right?

However, that very premise is the cause of your suffering.

The true nature of suffering is not 'life' itself.

Many people think this way:

'I'm suffering because the situation is bad.'

'I feel anxious because my relationships aren't going well.'

But in reality, that is not the case.

What is exhausting you is not the events themselves, but

'the state of trying to control them.'

You want to control the outcome.

You want to control the timing.

You even want to control the reactions and emotions of others.

The more you try to grasp all of that, the more of a gap between you and reality is created, and the more your suffering increases.

Why do we want to control things?

The reason is simple.

It's because we believe that 'if we know everything, we can feel at ease.'

If we can predict the future, we won't feel anxious.

You feel safe when you can decide things for yourself.

However, that premise does not align with reality.

To begin with, what are you actually in control of?

Please take a moment to think about it calmly.

You don't even have complete control over your own body.

Breathing, the beating of your heart, changes in your physical condition.

Most of these are left to the unconscious.

And that body, too, is not yours forever.

It is a 'limited-time offer' of about 90 years at most.

If you cannot even fully grasp that, it is unnatural to think you can control other people, situations, or how the future unfolds.

The structure where the tighter you hold on, the more painful it becomes

The act of trying to control is often compared to this:

The state of gripping a rope tightly when you are about to fall off a cliff.

It is certainly scary to let go.

But the more you keep gripping, the more your hands get hurt.

This is what is happening inside you right now.

'Surrender' is not giving up

What is meant by 'surrendering' here is by no means throwing things away in apathy.

What you need to do is actually simple.

Who should remain in your life, and who should leave

When and in what form this project should succeed

How that person should behave toward me

Stopping the attempt to manipulate these 'areas outside of yourself'

And,

• having an intention

• taking action

• moving in the direction you desire

However,

letting go of the attachment to 'how it will happen'

This is the essence.

The form of the result.

The timing.

Who is involved.

How things unfold.

Do not try to control those things as well.

Practice: Questions to help you let go of control

From here on are the concrete things to do.

First, when you feel anxious or stressed about something, ask yourself.

'What am I trying to control right now?'

• The other person's feelings

• Results

• Timing

• Evaluation

Once you see this, there is only one thing left to do.

Return to your own domain.

Bring your focus back to the range you can control.

That range is limited.

• Your intentions

• How you use your energy

• Your next step

• Actual actions

That is all.

Conversely,

Everything else is outside of your control.

The technique of returning to the 'now'

Another important factor is the timeline.

We are easily dragged into past events or future anxieties.

However, the only time you can actually take action is always 'now'.

It is not about last week or next month.

It is only this moment.

The final thing you need to do is simple.

There is only one question.

What is the next step I can take right now?

Do that.

That is all.

When you try to control your life, it becomes heavy.

When you go with the flow, it becomes light.

When you become light, your actions continue.

When your actions continue, the results will follow.

Please turn your attention to what is right in front of you for a moment.

The fact that you are breathing.

The fact that you are here.

The fact that you can move.

That alone is enough.

There is no need to rush.

From the moment you let go of the steering wheel, the great flow of life begins to carry you to the 'most appropriate place'.

The peace you have been searching for, and the results you have been wishing for, are actually much closer than you think, waiting for you to notice them.