The Trash Can in My Heart and the 'Exit' I Found

I am writing a spin-off of Miiko-san's article, 'There is a trash can in my heart for 'insults' | Feeling and moving based on my own values, and the world as seen through my eyes'♬

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'There is a trash can in my heart where I put 'insults.' A garbage truck comes only once every three days to take the trash away. But by the third day, the trash can is always overflowing and it's painful, which is why I just can't stop feeling irritable at those times.'

The trash inside the trash can.

It's feeling hazy and unsettled.

It's wavering, as if it's about to explode at any moment.

A lump of negativity.

It grows every time I am insulted.

But on the third day, it disappears.

Because the garbage truck comes.

Negativity is my trapped emotion.

Negativity said,

'This isn't fun. I'm irritated. I want to take it out on someone.'

I said,

'No, you can't. I don't want to hurt anyone. I want peace. Negativity, just stay tucked away.'

Negativity tucked itself away.

However, every time I am insulted again, it feels like it's about to explode.

The negativity groaned.

"Ugh, I can't hold it back anymore. There's no exit anywhere. The energy is swirling around and the trash can is overflowing."

I was troubled.

"An exit? Where on earth is there an exit!"

I had a younger sister.

I end up bullying my sister.

...I don't really want to do this. I'm sorry, sister. I just can't hold it back anymore.

Mom says.

"You shouldn't do that. Be kind to your sister, okay?"

I say "I understand." But I think my sister is at fault too.

...Mom doesn't scold me that harshly. She knows that I'm struggling.

...Mom, thank you. I am protected by Mom.

I thought I had to suppress the negativity.

But the negativity appears as tic symptoms.

...I can't control my body. It moves on its own. What has happened to me!?

The negativity says.

"I'm suffering too. The trash can is too small. The trash keeps piling up. It's about to explode. I'm in pain."

One day, a friend invited me to play Fortnite.

This is a game for ages 15 and up, but...

"It's fine, it'll be okay if you don't get caught. Everyone is doing it."

Playing Fortnite changed my world.

...What is this world? I am free. And then, I realized. I am strong.

In the world of Fortnite, I could say what I wanted to my friends.

"Your personality is totally different in games compared to at school!"

Hahaha, I laugh.

I became able to say what I wanted in real life, too.

I realized something.

...Huh? My negativity is quiet.

The trash can had become empty.

The negativity said,

"That's because you found an exit for me. I won't explode anymore."

Just when I thought peaceful days had arrived, a new enemy appeared.

It was K-chan, who moved here in the fourth grade.

"Annoying! Gross!"

...Why are you kicking me? I didn't do anything.

The negativity started to swell up.

However, I thought to myself,

...K-chan has a trash can, too. Just like me in the past, it's stuffed full of trash.

The swelling negativity stopped growing.

Mom is worried about me.

Please don't tell the teacher, I'm still okay.

No matter what kind of circumstances K-chan has, that is no reason for you to be attacked. There is absolutely no need for you to endure this. I will go to the school and help you at any time.

…Mom, thank you. But I'm okay now. Because I have Fortnite.

By the time the fifth grade year ended, K-chan changed like it was a lie.

She started talking to me about games and YouTube like normal.

I thought to myself.

…K-chan found an "exit" too. I'm glad.

I apologized to my little sister.

I'm sorry for taking my frustration out on you back then.

My sister looked puzzled.

Huh!? You were taking your frustration out on me? I was totally fine with it.

My negativity was about to explode.

Negativity? What's that? I don't have any negativity. I'm the kind of girl who's so amazing I make myself cry.

I was protected by my mom and my sister.

And by Fortnite.

I will become the best in the world at Fortnite.

I'm glad I met Fortnite, which gave me freedom and courage.