I've started to accept myself, the one who couldn't become anything

Hey, haven't you ever thought that too?
I was always feeling anxious somewhere, thinking I had to become someone.

It's not like anyone told me to, but before I knew it, I was putting that pressure on myself. I wanted to be someone amazing, or I believed I was meant to be something special. There was a time when I just somehow believed that, even without any real basis.

But before I knew it, that conviction had disappeared somewhere.
All that was left was me, someone who is no one.

I hated it, honestly. So I started things over and over again. I tried studying, or I'd look at someone's social media and compare myself to them. But it never lasted, and I'd end up back where I started. Honestly, I was exhausted from that cycle.

The turning point wasn't anything big, you know.

It was when I was just passing time. When I was just staring blankly, feeling guilty for doing nothing, even though I wasn't doing anything.

Well, it can't be helped.

That's what I suddenly thought.

It was just that, but the words felt lighter than I expected. I thought giving up would be more bitter and heavy, so I was a bit caught off guard. It wasn't bitterness, but something quiet. It felt like I had gently set down something I'd been carrying around for a long time.

The me who couldn't become anything had been there all along. It hadn't disappeared; I had just been trying not to look at it. When I finally faced it properly, it was more ordinary than I thought. It wasn't even scary.

Saying 'accepting' might sound like a big deal, but it wasn't anything that grand. I just nodded to myself, thinking, 'Well, yeah, that's how it is.' That's all.

But just with that, I felt a little bit relieved.

I feel like it's easier to breathe now, just passing time, than it was when I was trying to become someone. I don't know if this is the right answer. But for now, I think that's okay.

How about you?