Fragment: On Personal Responsibility in Life and Thoughts on Parental Education

"Once you become an adult, your life is your own responsibility." This is a commonly heard phrase. I believe this way of thinking is, fundamentally, correct.

Of course, there are things in a person's life that are beyond their control. One cannot attribute everything—such as the family one is born into, economic circumstances, illness, accidents, social systems, or the state of the times—to individual responsibility. Therefore, "personal responsibility" as used here does not mean that anyone who becomes unhappy is entirely to blame for their own situation.

Rather, it means that you are the one who ultimately judges, chooses, and lives your life while accepting the consequences of those choices.

The question is, when should one learn this principle?

I believe it is too late after becoming an adult. At the very least, it should be taught before adulthood, and ideally, during compulsory education. This is because the fact that "you must take responsibility for your own life" is not necessarily something a child realizes naturally.

One should not expect that a school teacher, a friend, a workplace supervisor, or someone else in society will kindly teach it someday. That is precisely why it must be conveyed by the parents at least once.

"We cannot live your life for you. In the end, you must think for yourself, decide for yourself, and live for yourself." Isn't conveying this one of the most important forms of education a parent can provide to their child?

To put it extremely, if one can convey this properly, I believe they have fulfilled about half of their duties as a parent.

However, there is one thing that must not be fundamentally mistaken here. That is the timing for starting this education. If you suddenly start saying to an adult child, "You are an adult now, so your life is your own responsibility," it can hardly be called education.

Rather, it may end up being nothing more than forcing the results of the education the parents have provided until then onto the child themselves.

What is particularly thought-provoking are parents who, despite doing everything for their child when they were young, giving them what they wanted, preventing failures in advance, and not giving them enough opportunities to make their own judgments, realize when the child is about to become an adult that "this cannot go on."

Then they suddenly become strict and start nagging. "Get your act together," "Think for yourself," "The world isn't easy," "You're an adult now, so take responsibility."

But isn't the order reversed here? Independence does not suddenly begin on the day of adulthood. The moment one turns eighteen, a person who has been dependent on their parents does not suddenly acquire full capacity for self-determination.

Independence is something practiced little by little over the long years leading up to adulthood. Let them choose. Let them fail. Let them accept the consequences to some extent. Help them when they are in trouble, but do not give them the answer immediately.

And, help them develop the habit of thinking about their own life. Beyond such small, cumulative efforts lies the principle of post-adulthood: "Your life is your own responsibility." Therefore, true education in personal responsibility is not about pushing an adult child away. It is about preparing them to handle their own life before they become an adult.

And after they become an adult, the parent should rather gradually step back from the role of educator. Give advice if asked. Help within the limits of what is possible if they are in trouble. However, do not try to correct the person's life. The term "personal responsibility" is not a word for blaming an adult child. Originally, it is a word that should have been handed over by the parents long before that child became an adult.

And perhaps, one of the goals of parental education is to raise a human being who "thinks about their own life for themselves, without needing to be told by their parents anymore."