"Heartbreak Karuta" Episode 7: Even if you deceive yourself, there is no future ahead

There are ruthless spoilers. Please read after watching up to episode 7.

This time, too, I intended to write with a focus on Hikari and Riku.

Continuing from episode 6, Riku's absence.
A room where only the spare key and clothes were left behind.
And that ending, where Hikari seemed to have been left behind.

Honestly, just that alone made my emotions explode, and it was so painful that I ended up publishing a long-form report about it.

But if we are to talk about episode 7, we cannot just isolate Hikari and Riku.

The relationship between Chinami and Shibuya.
The relationship between Ayase and Murata.
And the clash between best friends Chinami and Ayase.

Each of their romances, in different ways, collided with the words, "Even if you deceive yourself, there is no future beyond that."

It is impossible to avoid discussing the fact that it wasn't just Hikari and Riku's breakup, but also Chinami's inability to let go and Ayase's decision to stop deceiving herself, when talking about episode 7.

So this time, while keeping Hikari and Riku at the center, I want to write while also touching upon Chinami and Ayase.

――――――――――

[Episode 6 was "a midnight without him," and episode 7 was "a room without him"]

After finishing "Heartbreak Karuta" episode 7, a different kind of pain remained compared to episode 6.

Episode 6 was a midnight without Riku.

"Ne"
"Even if I toss and turn, there is no one there"

What that card indicated was not just the loneliness of having no one next to you.

Her body still remembers a life where Riku was by her side.
Unconsciously, she finds herself searching for the place where Riku used to be.

That was the cruelty of it.

But episode 7 was quieter and more realistic.

The place where Riku was absent had spread from just the pillow to the entire room.

When Hikari returns from work, she hopes that Riku might have returned based on the state of the room.

But Riku is not there.

What was left behind instead was the spare key.

And in the bedroom, there are traces of Riku's belongings having vanished.

But the clothes Hikari gave to Riku are the only things left behind.

Hikari immediately tries to contact Riku.

But, there is no connection.

This sequence of events is already...

In episode 6, Riku wasn't there when she rolled over in bed. In episode 7, Riku wasn't there when she returned home.

In episode 6, her body was searching for Riku. In episode 7, her very life was searching for Riku.

And in both cases, Riku is not there.

――――――――――

【The fact that only the spare key and clothes were left behind】

The fact that Riku left the spare key behind.

The fact that he left behind the clothes Hikari gave him.

The fact that he only took his own belongings.

At first, I tried to view these actions as "Riku's own form of sincerity."

To avoid causing Hikari any more trouble. Because he couldn't bring himself to take what he had received from Hikari. Because he was trying to properly return the right to enter Hikari's life.

I think there is certainly a part of it that can be read that way.

But after watching episode 7, I felt that those words alone were no longer enough.

It is true that Riku may have had his own logic within himself.

But to simply call that "sincerity" leaves a wound on Hikari that is too deep.

Nothing has been handed to Hikari.

The realization of the breakup.
The opportunity to get angry.
The time to hold them back.
The chance to confirm things one last time.

Only the spare key and the clothes were left behind.

In Riku's mind, he might have thought he had "returned them properly."

But from Hikari's perspective, they weren't returned.
It was far too one-sided.

She wasn't told of the breakup; the breakup was simply left there for her.

There is no will of Hikari's in that.
There are no words from Hikari.
There is no room for Hikari to choose anything.

Hikari wasn't even given the chance to face him one last time.

That is truly painful.

This is a side note, but I feel that the direction—showing Hikari entering the room from a distance before shifting the focus to the spare key—also heightened the feeling that Hikari was left all alone.

Only Hikari is in the room.
But Riku is no longer in this room.

The visuals confront her with that fact first.

――――――――――

【I want to blame Riku. But I can't fully blame him】

To be honest, watching episode 7, just like Ayase, I also thought,

Hey!! Riku!!!!!!!!

That's what I felt.

If those days were truly irreplaceable, I wish he hadn't chosen such an ending.

I wish he hadn't just left the spare key behind.
I wish he hadn't left behind only the clothes Hikari gave him.
I wish he hadn't left Hikari to think about everything while he ignored her attempts to contact him.

Riku must have known, somewhere, in some corner of his heart, just how much he would hurt Hikari.

That Hikari would come home and look for him, thinking he was there.
That she would find the spare key.
That she would notice his belongings were gone.
That only the clothes she gave him would remain.
That she would try to reach out, and yet, it wouldn't get through.

Riku must have been able to imagine it.

Even so, he didn't say it directly.

That is what makes it so painful.

But at the same time, I cannot just blame Riku entirely.

I don't think Riku was using Hikari.

I believe it's true that Riku liked Hikari. I don't think the days with Hikari were a lie. I also understand that Riku was suffering.

His father. The medical expenses. The part-time job. The reality of the money he had saved for his dreams being whittled away. The pain of wanting to get closer to Hikari, yet feeling her drift further and further away.

I think that was real.

That's why it's all the more painful.

Riku is not a bad person.

But what he did to Hikari was cruel.

I want to see both of these things at the same time.

I still think the way Riku left was terrible.

But I don't think it was because he treated Hikari lightly.

Rather, perhaps it was precisely because Hikari was important to him that Riku was afraid of breaking down in front of her, hurting her, or being held back by her.

However, by running away from that fear, he ended up hurting Hikari in the worst possible way.

It seems that rather than only thinking about himself, Riku was so filled with his own pain that he couldn't fully imagine Hikari's pain as well.

That is how it looks.

But that doesn't make Hikari's wounds any less painful.

――――――――――

【It’s not "using" her. But it’s cruel】

Ayase directs some very harsh words toward Riku.

These words are quite strong.

I don't think Riku was using Hikari.

I believe Riku's feelings for Hikari were genuine.
I don't think the time they spent together was a lie.
I'm sure it was also true that he wanted to get closer to Hikari.

But I also find myself in a place close to Ayase's anger.

I don't think he was using her.
But that way of ending things is just too cruel.

That is what I end up thinking.

I understand that Riku was in pain.
I understand that he was trying to live by his own strength.
I understand that every time he was supported by Hikari, he felt miserable.

But if you leave behind words of rejection unilaterally and disappear without talking it out, then Hikari is left to carry the entire burden.

Hikari will likely keep wondering on her own why Riku left.

Was it her fault?
Was the way she supported him wrong?
Was giving him clothes too much of a burden?
Was her kindness painful for him?
Did he dislike her in the first place?

In that way, Hikari will end up blaming herself.

That is why the way Riku left was so incredibly cruel.

――――――――――

【Hikari's words are too painful】

When Ayase blames Riku, Hikari doesn't try to make Riku the only villain.

This is so very like Hikari.

She shows an attitude of accepting it, saying, "It was what I wanted to do."

Hikari does not try to protect herself by making Riku the villain.

If she had just said she was being used, she might have felt relieved.
She might have been able to make Riku out to be the worst person and cast herself as the one who was hurt.

But Hikari didn't do that.

She did it because she wanted to.
She wanted to support him.
She wanted to cheer on Riku's dream.

I think Hikari didn't want to taint her time with Riku with the word "used."

But that kindness is painful in its own way.

While it seems like Hikari is protecting Riku, she is simultaneously protecting the version of herself that loved him.

What she gave to Riku.
The fact that she tried to support him.
The days she spent with him.

She doesn't want to end all of that by saying she was "used."

But that is precisely why Hikari gets hurt even more.

Because she can't fully blame Riku.
Because she can't deny what she did herself.
But as a result, Riku is gone.

Hikari has nowhere to place her anger.

That pain was present in Hikari throughout the entirety of episode 7.

――――――――――

[Hikari, you didn't do anything wrong. And yet]

Maybe I just can't see it, but having watched up to episode 7, honestly, I can barely find any faults in Hikari even when I try.

Hikari didn't look down on Riku.
She wasn't trying to control him.
She wasn't trying to force her own values on him.

She just wanted to support Riku.
She wanted to cheer on his dream.
She wanted Riku not to give up on his own life.

No matter how you look at it, that's love.

But that love was painful for Riku, wasn't it?

At the end of episode 6, Hikari even tries to help Riku financially.

If you are in trouble, I want to help.
If there is something I can do, I want to do it.

For Hikari, it was surely love.

But Riku cannot accept that hand.

In fact, he strongly refuses it.

The words that come out of Riku after that were quite heavy, saying that being with Hikari makes him feel like he is disappearing himself.

This part was too much for me.

It is not Hikari's fault.
I think Hikari just wanted to help Riku.

But for Riku, that help felt like something that would erase him.

He wants to stand next to Hikari.
He wants to be equal.
He wants to live by his own strength.

For Riku, who felt that way, perhaps the help offered by Hikari was not only a salvation but also a reminder that he was not reaching Hikari.

That is why Riku could not accept it.

Far from accepting it, he had no choice but to refuse it.

But from Hikari's perspective, I think it was like having her own love slapped away.

She only wanted to help.
She only loved him.
She only wanted to support him.

Even so, for Riku, that love reaches him as something that corners him.

What should Hikari have done here?

At this point, I think Hikari was already being made to doubt the very way she loved.

Therefore, in episode 7, Hikari taking it as if her very existence was rejected by Riku is not just a mere assumption.

In episode 6, she was directly confronted by Riku with the fact that Hikari's very existence was causing him pain.

Even so, Hikari did not let her days with Riku end with "being used."

That is both the kindness of Hikari and the pain of Hikari.

This is the most painful part.

It is not that Hikari is at fault.
But Hikari's kindness touched Riku's wounds.

The more Hikari tries to support him by saying it's okay, the more Riku is forced to realize that he is not okay.
The more Hikari wants him to rely on her, the more Riku is confronted with the fact that he is the one who needs to rely on others.
The more Hikari cheers for his dreams, the more Riku sees the reality that he cannot reach them.

Hikari was shining a light on Riku.

But for Riku, that light was something that made his own shadow clearly visible.

So, you cannot say that Hikari's love was wrong.
But you also cannot deny that it became a source of pain for Riku.

This misalignment is just so sad.

No one has any malicious intent.
But they are still truly hurt.

Hikari is not bad.
Riku is not a bad person either.

But their relationship has broken down.

――――――――――

【The weight of the rejection Hikari received】

While talking to her best friends about Riku, Hikari explains that Riku was trying to live by his own strength, that she loved him and wanted to support him, but that they were a little out of sync.

I think this was the most painful part for Hikari in episode 7.

Hikari had actually noticed it for a while.
From a long time ago.
Maybe she had already noticed it from the time Riku came to pick her up with an umbrella.

That Riku was carrying something.
That Riku was not able to accept her kindness straightforwardly.
That the more she tried to support him, the more distance was being created somewhere.

But she was afraid to confirm it.

Because if she confirmed it, it might be the end.
Because if she confirmed it, she might realize that her way of loving him was causing him suffering.

And in episode 7, that becomes reality.

Hikari has not only lost Riku.

She is being made to doubt the very way she loves.

She wanted to support him.
She loved him.
She wanted to help him.

But perhaps all of that was painful for Riku.

Being made to think that way is far too painful.

I think the hardest thing for Hikari is not just that Riku is gone, but being confronted with the fact thather affection might have been a burden to Rikuas well.

――――――――――

【The same stairs. In episode 2 she doesn't fall, but in episode 7 she does】

At the end of episode 7, Hikari stumbles on the stairs.

Then the screen shifts to the "Ya" karuta card, and the sound of her falling overlaps.

When I first saw it, I just thought it was an unsettling ending.

But looking back at episode 2, these stairs were not just any stairs.

In episode 2 as well, Hikari gets drunk at the same shop and ends up in a precarious state on the stairs.
And this place was also important in her relationship with Riku.

Hikari was unstable back then, but she didn't fall completely.

Riku was there.
There was Riku, who would offer Hikari water.
There was Riku, who would sit next to her.
Just outside, she also meets Chinami.
There was a best friend who would run to her and listen to her story.

And even in the pain of not being able to understand Riku, Hikari was able to think at the end, "Even so, I want to be with you."

But in episode 7, Hikari falls on the same stairs.

Riku is no longer there.
There is no Riku to give her water.
There is no Riku to sit next to her.
The relationship with Chinami, who would accept Hikari's love, is also wavering in episode 7.

In episode 2, even when Hikari was in danger on the stairs, she was still saved by someone.

In episode 7, only the sound of her falling remains.

As I wrote in the previous Karuta page, this didn't just look like a drunken fall; it looked like a contrast where Hikari, who was supported in episode 2, lost that support in episode 7.

In episode 2, even if Hikari couldn't see eye-to-eye with Riku, she still wanted to make him smile.

In episode 7, that Riku is gone.

That is why the meaning of the stairs changes.

It is the same place, but the person beside her has changed.
It is the same staircase, but the outcome has changed.

In episode 2, she stumbled but was safe.
In episode 7, she fell.

I think this difference shows just how far the relationship between Hikari and Riku has progressed.

――――――――――

【Even if you deceive yourself, there is no future beyond that】

I believe this phrase was at the heart of episode 7.

Even if you deceive yourself, there is no future beyond that.

Hikari and Riku were surely deceiving themselves.

Hikari used the words "I want to support you" to avoid looking at the disconnect between them.
Riku hid his own suffering with a face that said "I'm fine."

Hikari noticed that Riku wouldn't talk to her.
Riku noticed that Hikari's kindness was becoming painful for him.

But neither of them confirmed it.

Because if they did, it would fall apart.

But even with the deception, there was no future.

In episode 6, Riku disappeared from where she turned over in bed.
In episode 7, Riku vanished from the room.

And finally, on the stairs where she managed to hold on in episode 2, Hikari fell in episode 7.

I think this progression is the result of what the two had been deceiving themselves about finally becoming impossible to ignore.

――――――――――

[Chinami and Shibuya—Knowing it, yet unable to cut off the love]

In episode 7, Chinami's love also took a major turn.

Shibuya reveals a major fact he had been hiding from Chinami.

His explanation was so precarious that it's understandable why Ayase reacted so strongly.

Family circumstances.
The ambiguity of their current relationship.
Words about the future.
And the feeling of not wanting to let Chinami go.

Looking at the words alone, it is far too dangerous.

But Chinami cannot cut it off completely.

She tries to keep her distance.
She doesn't respond to his messages right away.
But she cannot definitively reject him.

Chinami understands it logically.

That this love is dangerous, that it hurts someone, and that it looks painful from a friend's perspective.

But she is pulled back by Shibuya's kindness.

There is a scene where she is protected in the rain.

In that moment, Chinami wavers again.

"Ya"
"It's frustrating that my friends say, 'I knew it'"

This line is very much like Chinami.

She knows Ayase is right.
But precisely because she is right, it is frustrating.

She knows herself that it's no good.
But she cannot bring herself to hate him.

As of episode 7, it seemed that only Chinami remained trapped in self-deception.

Hikari is on the verge of accepting a finished love.
Ayase has ended the relationship she was deceiving herself about.

But Chinami alone still has one foot left in a love that should be ended.

――――――――――

[Ayase stopped deceiving herself]

I think the person who changed most clearly in episode 7 was Ayase.

Ayase strongly blames Riku for his actions toward Hikari.

But I think in the same episode, Ayase herself realized something too.

She had also been taking advantage of Murata's kindness.
She had been hiding in the kind of kindness where Murata said, "It's okay to use me."

Murata seems lighthearted.

But he was truly hurt.

Even though he was hurt, he tried to treat it like a joke.
He couldn't get angry.
But he was sad.

Seeing that, I think Ayase realized she couldn't continue anymore.

If she kept going like this, she would end up hating herself even more.

With that realization, Ayase ended their trial relationship.

I don't think this was just because she couldn't fall in love with Murata.

She stopped using Murata as a refuge for her own unresolved feelings.

That is the big part.

Ayase had been relying on Murata's kindness while still holding onto her feelings for Hikari.
But because Murata was truly hurt, she had to face her own way of running away.

That is why she ended it.

It hurts, but I think this was Ayase's sincerity.

In episode 7, Ayase finally stopped deceiving herself.

――――――――――

[Chinami and Ayase's argument was a case of valid points stabbing each other]

The conversation between Chinami and Ayase was also quite painful.

Ayase confronts Chinami about the precariousness of her relationship with Shibuya.

She also points out that Chinami's love looks like something meant to fill an empty void.

This is correct.

But Chinami hits back too.

Ayase is also running away from her feelings for Hikaru.
Chinami argues that while they are facing their love lives, only Ayase is running away.

This, too, is correct.

That is why it is painful.

This argument did not happen because one of them was unilaterally wrong.

Both of them accurately struck the most painful spot of the other.

Ayase cannot stand watching Chinami enter into a dangerous romance.
Chinami cannot stand watching Ayase continue to run away from her own love.

Because they are best friends, they can see it.
Because they are best friends, they can say it.
Because they are best friends, it stings the most.

The rift in their friendship in episode 7 was not just a simple falling out.

I think it was the pain of having the version of yourself you didn't want seen, actually seen.

――――――――――

[Chocolate cake and the place for kindness]

Chinami and Ayase eat the chocolate cake that Murata bought for them together.

This scene was also casual, yet bitter.

I think chocolate cake is, under normal circumstances, a symbol of small happiness.
Something Murata bought for me.
Something he probably remembered I liked.
A form of kindness.

But while eating those sweets, the two of them talk about bitter things.

About Shibuya.
About the affair.
About Ayase running away.

Here, too, emotions reside in objects.

The graffiti in episode 3.
The spare key in episode 7.
The clothes Hikari gave.
Murata's chocolate cake.

In this drama, objects become more than just objects.

Someone's goodwill, lingering attachment, and pain soak into them.

That's why they remain.
That's why they can't be thrown away.
That's why it's all the more painful when they are left behind.

――――――――――

【Hikari's kiss was not a step forward, but a breakdown】

In the final part of episode 7, Hikari is drinking at that bar.

She ends up getting close to someone she met there, as if being swept away.

The kiss scene itself is not shown.
But that fact alone was painful enough.

This is not the beginning of a new love.

Much like in episode 2, it is nothing more than a scene where she tried to carelessly fill the void left by Riku with someone who is not Riku.

Even if she kisses someone, it's not Riku.
Even if their bodies touch, it's not Riku.
The void is not filled.

If anything, doesn't it just make it clearer that it's not Riku?

Hikari cannot get in touch with Riku.
She cannot ask for the reason.
She cannot even get angry.
She cannot even meet him one last time.

That helplessness seemed to flow into a direction where she treats her own body carelessly.

That is why that kiss is not a step forward.

I think it was a scene that showed just how broken Hikari is.

――――――――――

【Episode 7 was the episode 'just before accepting the heartbreak'】

Episode 7 was quietly more painful than episode 6.

In episode 6, the very fact that Riku was gone was what stung.
In episode 7, it was the fact that only the evidence of Riku's existence remained that stung.

Episode 6 was about loss.
Episode 7 was about the wreckage.

The spare key.
The clothes.
The empty closet.
The unanswered messages.
Murata's chocolate cake.
Shibuya's jacket.
The sound of falling down the stairs.

In each of these places, feelings that couldn't end were left behind.

Hikari is just before the point of accepting that her love with Riku is over.
Ayase has stopped using Murata as a distraction.
Chinami still hasn't cut off her precarious love with Shibuya.

And Riku left Hikari behind.

I don't think he was using her.
I don't think it was a lie that he loved Hikari.
I think Riku's pain was real, too.

But, even so.

That way of ending things is cruel.

However, that is not because Riku is a bad person.

Riku probably didn't disappear with the intention of hurting Hikari.
He didn't take his days with Hikari lightly, either.

But he was so full of his own pain that he couldn't fully imagine Hikari's pain as well.

That weakness, as a result, deeply hurt Hikari.

That is why I am wavering between the desire to blame Riku and the feeling that Riku was also in pain.

But I think that wavering itself is the pain of this seventh episode.

――――――――――

[Based on the final episode preview]

The program information for the final episode included this tagline.

"Even so. People fall in love all over again."

When I saw these words, the stories of Hikari, Chinami, and Ayase from the first seven episodes all overlapped at once.

By supporting Riku, Hikari wanted to believe in her own way of loving.
By being needed by Shibuya, Chinami was trying to fill the void inside her.
By being liked by Murata, Ayase was running away from her unrequited love for Hikari.

All three of them were in love.

But at the same time, perhaps they were all, to some extent, entrusting their self-worth to "the version of themselves that is liked by someone."

That is why I feel the final episode won't just be about who ends up with whom.

Rather, it is about whether the three of them can reclaim their "true selves" after heartbreak.

It is about whether they can live properly even if they aren't chosen by someone, rather than just being okay because someone likes them.

I think that is the direction the episode is heading.

Regarding Hikari and Riku, after watching episode 7, I don't think there is a future where they return to being lovers.

Even if Riku appears before Hikari again in the final episode, it might be a reunion to properly end things, not to get back together.

However, considering the stairs in episode 2, the pain Hikari faces heading into the final episode seems even deeper.

In episode 2, even if they couldn't understand each other, Hikari still wanted to make Riku smile.
In episode 7, in a place where Riku was no longer present, Hikari fell.

In episode 2, she was still able to hold on.
In episode 7, she had already fallen.

That is why I believe the final episode is also about watching how Hikari gets back up from there.

Love may end.
But you don't have to deny the version of yourself that was in love.

Hikari, who loved Riku.
Riku, who wanted to get closer to Hikari.
Chinami, who cannot cut ties with Shibuya.
Ayase, who ended her reliance on Murata.

Each of them is in the midst of pain.

Even so, people fall in love all over again.

If this copy is placed in the final episode, I believe "Heartbreak Karuta" is surely trying to depict heartbreak not as an "end," but as the pain required to return to oneself once more.

――――――――――

[In conclusion]

Setting aside the first episode, Hikari and Riku have been depicted little by little in episodes 2 through 5.
In the meantime, various things happened to Chinami and Ayase, and in the sixth episode, things happened to Hikari and Riku as well...

Perhaps "long-awaited" isn't quite the right way to put it.
But the flow of events made it impossible not to feel that the focus was heavily placed on Hikari and Riku.

And then, this ending.

Hikari has been left behind far too much.

I understand Riku's pain.
I understand that Riku wanted to get closer to Hikari.
I also understand that he couldn't bear feeling miserable.

But Hikari was in pain, too.

Hikari was scared, too.
Hikari had known it for a while, too.
Even so, she was afraid to confirm it.

Both of them were scared.

But in the end, it was Hikari who was left to carry the burden of it all.

That is why I cannot simply see Riku as pitiful.
But I also cannot see him as just a terrible person.

I will write it as many times as it takes.

If he loved Hikari, and if the days he spent with her were real, then at the very end, I wish he hadn't left her all alone.

To disappear leaving only a spare key and clothes behind is just too painful.

But at the same time, if Riku was so cornered that it was the only thing he could do, that is also painful.

Episode 7 was not an episode where anyone could be completely blamed.

However, to say that no one was at fault would be to ignore that Hikari's wounds were far too deep.

Riku is not a bad person.
But what he did to Hikari was cruel.

Hikari is not at fault.
But her kindness was painful for Riku.

This sense of helplessness was the pain of episode 7.

It wasn't a lie that I loved you.
But love alone wasn't enough to keep us together.

And yet, people fall in love all over again.

"Why do I feel like I have to be loved by someone?"

That is why, in the final episode, rather than seeing who ends up with whom, I want to see if the three of them, still wounded, can avoid leaving themselves behind.

So that Hikari doesn't have to deny the version of herself that loved Riku.
So that Ayase can face her feelings without running away.
So that Chinami can, even just a little, escape the place where she can only maintain her sense of self by being chosen by someone.

I think episode 7 was the most painful moment just before that.

#HeartbreakKaruta #Spoilers #DramaReview