The story of how I, torn between my girlfriend and my ex-wife, made a choice about my life

It was about two or three months after I met my current girlfriend.
We had been exchanging messages, but after a certain day, she suddenly stopped replying.

For the first week, I thought, "Maybe she's just busy."
But when two weeks passed, anxiety and doubt began to spread slowly.
And in the third week, I felt as if the thread in my heart had finally snapped.

I had no idea why I couldn't reach her, and I was left with no choice but to keep waiting.
Days where I felt like I was being swallowed by loneliness and anxiety.
In the midst of that, I made a decision.

—I would try to contact my ex-wife.

Since our divorce, we had made it a point not to contact each other.
However, our relationship hadn't ended on bad terms.
It was a relationship where we could contact each other if necessary.

I think there was still hesitation lingering inside me.
"Maybe I would be happier if I got back together with my ex-wife."
"Maybe I can't move forward in my current relationship because my ex-wife's presence is still deep in my heart."
I couldn't find a clear answer to those questions.

And so, I sent a message to my ex-wife and made plans to walk through a garden together over the weekend.

When I reunited with my ex-wife, she was as calm as ever, our conversation was natural, and a comfortable time passed.
That day, we parted ways with the promise, "Let's go for a drive next time."
We didn't exchange any special words, but I think we both sensed the atmosphere that, during the next drive, we would decide what to do from here on out.

My heart was leaning toward getting back together.

Just then, I heard from my girlfriend.
It had been three weeks.

I replied to her like this:
"It's possible that the next time we meet might be the last."
And when we met in person, I told her, even though I was hesitant:
"If we aren't going to move forward, let's say goodbye here."

Then, she cried and clearly said, "I don't want that."
That was the moment she expressed her true feelings to me for the first time.

"I hope we can see the cherry blossoms together 🌸"
I had received that cute wish in a message, but since I hadn't talked to my ex-wife yet, I couldn't reply lightly.
But my heart was wavering greatly.

At this time, there were a few other women I was exchanging messages with, but I had decided with all of them that "this meeting will be the last."
I was trying to put an end to this journey of romance.

And then, the day of the drive date with my ex-wife arrived.
That day, too, I was wrapped in the same sense of security as always.
The rhythm of our conversation was comfortable, and I could naturally imagine a life together in the future.
However, there was a "me" there whose heart just wasn't in it.

When I talked to my ex-wife, I could see a future, but my heart didn't follow.
Regardless of my girlfriend or anyone else, I felt as if my heart was saying, "That's not the way."

So, instead of a future with my ex-wife,
I chose the path of building a future with my current girlfriend.

I wasn't confident whether this choice was right.
Even so, the reason I wished to face someone seriously once more
was because it was during the time I spent with her, and no one else.

I learned later that the reason she couldn't reply was because she was going through a period where she was caring for her grandmother at her parents' home.
If I had known the reason I couldn't reach her, would my heart have wavered that much?

But if that event hadn't happened,
perhaps I wouldn't have had the resolve to face my current girlfriend this seriously.

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✅▶︎Next Preview (Vol.4)
While gradually closing the distance,
the conflict that remained somewhere in my heart: "Is it okay to keep going like this?"

I'm happy when we're together, but anxious when we're apart.
—I will write about my real feelings as I faced that wavering heart.