The Loneliness and Anxiety of a Love-Struggling Older Virgin | Prologue

I was a woman in my late twenties who was a virgin (an older virgin).

Nice to meet you.
I'm Yuri, and I went from a life stalled by a complex about having "zero experience" to being able to enjoy romance in just half a year.

Now, I've met my ideal partner,
and we enjoy our shared hobbies together every weekend.

But,
originally,

While my female friends of the same age were starting to get married,
I couldn't even have a proper relationship with a man.

I couldn't tell anyone or ask for advice
about the fact that I had no sexual experience.

It was pathetic and too embarrassing!

I kept my worries to myself,
became timid about love, and made things complicated for myself.

• Unable to tell friends I was a virgin and keeping my worries to myself

• Acting as if I had experience with men (how painful!)

• Convincing myself that my hobbies were fulfilling enough even on my own

• The feeling of loneliness wouldn't go away, even when traveling or immersing myself in hobbies

• Sometimes falling into a pessimistic mode and crying, thinking, "I've never been loved"

• Half-giving up, thinking marriage might be impossible for me

• Longing for love like in romance manga or dramas

• Feeling depressed by the gap between that and reality

• Self-deprecatingly thinking that having no sexual experience means "never having been loved"

Even on my days off, I would go to cafes
or browse local variety shops,
killing time by myself. (Lonely

Lying to myself, too,

"I'm actually envious"
"I want to be loved, too"

And yet,

"I'm happy on my own,"

I'd boast, keeping myself busy with hobbies and work.

How troublesome!!

I was a hopelessly troublesome, love-struggling single woman.

Around-30 virgin, around-40 virgin, older virgin...
I felt those words were "derogatory terms,"
and spent my days feeling increasingly self-deprecating.

Even so, I couldn't let go of my desires.

"I want to experience the joy and fulfillment of being loved by someone of the opposite sex too!!"

• I want to go to popular date spots

• I want to be given a bouquet of flowers

• I want to be picked up by car and go on a night view date

• I want to go on a date to the Enoshima Aquarium (I've never been)

• When I'm feeling down, I want my head patted and to be pampered

• I want to watch movies together in the room on a rainy day

• I want to walk home while sharing a steamed bun or ice cream bought at a convenience store

• I want to go on a hot spring trip together

• I want to date someone whose face I like, whom I can respect, and who shares my sense of humor

• I want to have the most wonderful first experience, being loved and cherished by a boyfriend I adore

......

At my age, having a head full of flowery shojo manga fantasies.

Yeah, yeah.

I knew it.

But after that, I made it all come true.

I was able to make it happen.

Besides the person with whom I achieved my long-awaited 'happiest loss of virginity,' I also went on dates with several others.

Among them, I fulfilled the things I wanted to try one after another, so I was able to realize my desires while enjoying dating.

Of course, not everyone I met was a 'wonderful person,' and I had some unpleasant experiences too.

Even so, because I met so many people, I believe I was able to increase the probability of meeting someone wonderful.

The people I met weren't just ordinary office workers; I was able to meet people I had no connection with in my life until now, including business owners running multiple companies, restaurant owner-chefs, drama screenwriters, and even photographers for super-famous artists.

I am the most surprised myself.

And I was truly able to enjoy dating a wide variety of people.

Of course, it wasn't smooth sailing from the beginning.

At first, I was struggling and writhing as I moved forward.

There were times when I fell into such despair that I hit rock bottom, and I did research and preparation, thinking, 'I don't want to make myself feel any more miserable than this.'

There were so many nights I cried alone in my room, despairing of myself and thinking, 'Maybe I will never be loved from here on out.'

Even so, no matter what those around me thought, I didn't want to give up on my life and end it like that. I really didn't want to end my life without ever knowing the opposite sex, without ever knowing the joy and fulfillment of being loved.

So, even while I was hurt and crying, I tried moving forward step by step.

That's how I feel now.

I want to praise my past self for taking that step.

In this note, I will write about my struggle to lose my virginity.
I hope it serves as a catalyst for people who, like my former self, are suffering because they are 'older virgins' to take that first step.

What's important is
to 'take that first step' first.

Because that is what matters.