If you're going to compare, compare yourself to your 'past self', not others

Hello. I am One Heart, a piano instructor and mental coach.

Today, I would like to write about 'comparing yourself to others,' something I have felt many times based on my own experiences.

Have you ever felt a sudden sense of impatience after seeing someone else's post?
Even though nothing bad has happened, your chest feels restless, and the place where you are standing suddenly seems small.

Immediately after thinking 'That's amazing' or 'I wish I had that,' for some reason, the ground beneath your own feet feels dark.
That is how comparison usually begins—quietly.

The moment you open social media.
When you see the success of someone in the same field.
Or when you hear about how a friend is doing.

Even though you felt fine just a few minutes ago, before you know it, you start 'grading' yourself in your head.
'Am I falling behind?'
'Will I be okay if I stay like this?'
Those questions start to bubble up before you even realize it.

There is one thing I want to make clear here, and that is that
the act of comparing itself is not bad.

Humans are creatures that look around to confirm their own position.
So, you don't need to start by blaming yourself for 'being someone who compares.'
However, I would like to rethink the 'way we compare' just a little bit.

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The reason why comparing yourself to others wears down your heart

Why is it so exhausting to compare yourself to others?

That is because, while it may seem like you are comparing, you are actually not comparing at all.
Your starting points are different, and your environments are different.
Your strengths are different, and the experiences you have gained are different.
Yet, what you see is often just the 'results' or the 'highlights'.

For example, how much trial and error went on behind the scenes of someone's “seemingly effortless success”?

What kind of daily rhythm that person has, what kind of support they have, and what kind of weaknesses they struggle with.
You end up comparing based only on the parts you see, without seeing any of that.

Moreover, comparing yourself to others easily turns into “self-denial” before you know it.
It is one thing to say, 'I need to try harder,' but it is another when you start thinking, 'Maybe I can't do it' or 'Maybe I have no talent,' directing judgment at your very existence.

What is happening here might not be a difference in ability, but rather a phenomenon where
your heart is searching for a 'place where it can feel at ease'.

Feeling impatient or anxious is also proof that you are living your life earnestly.
But if that earnestness works in a way that wears you down... that would be a bit of a waste, wouldn't it?

And this wasn't just about mental health; it was the same in the “world of piano” where I spent a long time.

Things I decided to do to maintain my sense of self in a world of comparison

When I was a student, I wanted to get into a music college, so I spent every day immersed in the piano.
In this world, being compared is a given.

Labels like 'someone who can do it' or 'someone who can't' are applied quite easily.
That is quite exhausting.

Of course, there are aspects where being compared has helped me grow.
There were days when frustration fueled me, and my fingers moved.
Days when I practiced through tears...
I am grateful for that.

But if that fire burns too brightly, some people end up burning out.
I think that is likely why so many people move on to different worlds even after graduating from music college.

That is why, to maintain my sense of self amidst all the comparisons, I made sure never to let go of this one value.

Moreover, our starting points are different.
Students who came from music high schools and were in a specialized environment from an early stage naturally have that much more experience.

On the other hand, there are those who came from regular high schools and built up their skills under limited conditions.
It is not a question of who is better; the fact that we are compared on the same stage despite having different backgrounds is what makes this world so tough and difficult.

Our physiques, hand sizes, and bone structures are all different.
Yet, because we are compared using the same pieces, it is also hard for those doing the grading.

It is not just about technique; there is also that 'spark,' individuality, and, honestly, the preferences of the judges.
There is also luck and timing.
That is why rankings and grades are not things to cling to, but rather to keep asreference informationto set aside.
If you don't do that, this world is too harsh.

It is precisely because I have this experience that I think this.
Comparison itself is not the problem.
The fact that comparison becomes a 'judgment of one's own worth'is the true source of the pain.

That is why you don't have to try to stop comparing altogether.
Simply changing who you compare yourself to will significantly reduce the emotional exhaustion.

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Instead of 'stop comparing,' try 'changing who you compare yourself to'

That is why I would like to propose this.

You don't have to try to stop comparing. Instead,
change who you compare yourself to.

Not others, but if you must compare, compare with your 'past self'.

Even if it is the same 'comparison,' when your past self is the subject, your emotional response changes completely.
That is because you fully understand their starting point and background.

When you compare yourself with your past self,
not only do you see what you 'haven't achieved,' but
you also clearly see what you 'have become able to do'.

And above all, your past self does not exist to hurt you.
Your past self is the 'foundation' of where you stand today.

Even though it is still a comparison, it is a healthy way to nurture yourself.

✧˙⁎⋆When comparing feels exhausting, we tend to get tied down by easy-to-understand metrics like 'numbers'.
I've put together some tips here to help you shift your focus back to your 'past self'.

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A personal story. Me 5 years ago → Me now

I myself have been in a state of 'fluctuation' for the past few years. (My emotions have been like a rollercoaster🎢)

For the last five years or so, I've started to question how I work.
I quit the music school I had worked at for a long time, moved, and started searching for a way of working that suits me.

It sounds simple when put into words, but in reality, it wasn't such a clean, straight path.
I feel like there were so many times when things didn't go as planned.

'Was this the right choice?'
'Did I make a mistake?'
'Am I actually making progress?'
Those questions would come back to me like waves, over and over again.

Every time my feelings wavered, there were days when other people looked dazzling to me.
My heart would feel unsettled, and I'd get anxious.
There were many days when I convinced myself I wasn't moving forward and felt down.

But now, I stop and think for a moment.
My self from five years ago probably couldn't have imagined who I am today, I think.

My environment, the way I make choices, and how I approach my work.
A future where I am so seriously searching for the 'form that fits me'.
Perhaps,my self from five years ago didn't know.

That's why lately, I sometimes want to say this to myself.
You really have come a long way.
You searched, you wavered, and yet you didn't quit.
That alone is progress enough.

I don't think I would have been able to see this feeling if I had been comparing myself to others.

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How to start comparing yourself to your 'past self' today

From here on, instead of just reading and finishing, here is a way you can try it out a little bit today.

If you're going to compare, compare with your 'past self', not others.
But for those who are wondering how to compare, I'll leave a light exercise here. (I do this regularly, too.)

It only takes about 3 minutes.
You don't need to go looking for answers.
Just keeping the question in your mind is enough for your brain to find the answers for you automatically.

A small exercise: Go meet your past self

Please choose just one and try writing it down.

• What do you think your self from one year ago would say if they saw you now?

• What is one 'element of your current life' that your self from five years ago would think, 'I'm jealous of that'?

• If you had to list just three things you've become able to do recently, what would they be?(Small things are fine)

The trick is not to go back to 'looking for what you haven't achieved'.
The things you've become able to do don't have to be flashy.

For example...
"I've become able to say no to things I don't like"
"I was able to adjust my schedule to prioritize my health"
"I stopped forcing myself to smile," etc.
Even if they aren't external events, "internal changes" are also significant progress.

When you compare yourself to your past self, comparison stops being something that hurts you and becomes
a tool to help you find balance.

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In conclusion. Comparison is not the enemy. You just need to redirect where you aim it.

It's okay if there are days when you end up comparing yourself to others.
You're human, so you'll compare yourself. Probably even in the future.

But once you notice it, just gently redirect your focus.
Not to others, but to your "past self."

Who you are now is the result of everything your past self has built up.
Including the days you wavered, the days you stopped, and the days you took a detour—all of it.

So today, even if just a little bit.
Look toward your past self and tell them:

Recommended reading

✧˙⁎⋆For those who want to first gently embrace the restless feelings that come from comparing themselves to others.
This is an article written from the perspective that "self-care = returning to yourself."

✧˙⁎⋆Click here for a map summarizing other 'small perspectives for calming your mind'

✧˙⁎⋆Thank you for the feature

My note was featured in an article by Emiri from VOLLIA by Editor. Thank you very much.
It is a very easy-to-read article summarized from the perspective of 'self-understanding'.

#SelfAxis #DontCompareWithOthers #Comparison #SelfEsteem #SelfUnderstanding #MentalCare #SelfLove #SelfCompassion #Mindset #Journaling #Anxiety #Impatience #DifficultyLiving #CalmingTheMind