[Things They Don't Teach You at School Series #03] 3 Tips to Loosen the Habit of Comparing Yourself

Days when you feel a bit down because you've compared yourself to someone else.
I wish I could be kinder to myself when that happens...
Don't you ever feel that way?

Hello. I am One Heart, a piano instructor and mental coach.

Today, I am delivering a note for my free magazine “Life Skills They Don't Teach You at School.” I hope you enjoy it.

I plan to post every other Thursday.
I would be happy if you could read through it at your own pace, as if you were just dropping by.

°⌖꙳✧˖°

I wonder when it started...
The moment I began measuring myself against 'someone next to me'.

Test scores, athletic performance, report cards.
We were always lined up against someone else, worrying about whether we were 'above or below'.

Even when I try my best, I can't feel satisfied.
Even when I'm praised, thoughts like 'compared to that child...' tend to follow.

Before I knew it, I found myself comparing everything to something else.

...Looking at social media and feeling uneasy.
Feeling anxious or down about someone else's success or fulfilling life.
Feeling guilty for comparing my child to others, even though they are doing their best.

Have you ever had an experience like that?

Perhaps we have become accustomed to living in a
“world of comparison” without even realizing it.

But is it really necessary to live that way?
“Not comparing”—is that not an option?

In this note, we will explore tips to gently notice that
“habit of comparing” and gradually return to
“your own center.”

I myself once convinced myself that “I wasn't cut out for it” because I was being compared to others.

That was the subject of “Physical Education.”

At school, my grades were always low, I was slow, I wasn't good at ball games... I had always thought, “I’m bad at sports.”

But after becoming an adult, I thought, “I feel like moving my body,” and when I tried going to a gym, it was surprisingly fun. Running or walking on a
“treadmill,”
even if it was low-key... I discovered a side of myself that felt refreshed.

In my 30s, I even took on the challenge of a marathon... and now, rather than intense exercise, “home training” has become a habit.

I realized it. I actually liked moving my body.

Back then, I might have just convinced myself that I hated it because I was being compared through 'rankings' and 'evaluations'.

Now, I can see that true 'likes' and 'strengths' can sometimes become invisible when we compare ourselves to others.

°⌖꙳✧˖°

The Reason You Can't Stop 'Comparing'

Even if you know in your head that 'comparing is meaningless,' you still find yourself doing it. Have you ever felt disappointed in yourself for that?

However, there is a perfectly good reason for this.

In fact, it is said that our brains are “wired to compare.”

This is because by comparing, we have been able to instantly judge things like 'whether something is dangerous' or 'whether someone is an ally,' which has helped us survive.

For example: 'The other person looks stronger' 👉 keep your distance without fighting. 'I'm the only one who doesn't have this' 👉 sense the anxiety of being left out of the group.

In this way, humanity has survived by comparing.

In other words, comparing itself is neither a bad thing nor a sign of weakness. Rather, it is an instinct that has helped us feel secure and protect ourselves.

However...
In this modern age, we no longer live in the jungle, but rather within human relationships on social media, in the workplace, and in our daily lives.

And yet, our brains remain the same as they were in the past.
Instinctively, we end upcomparing "someone else to ourselves."

Moreover, when that comparison turns into "things that are easy to quantify," such as scores, titles, follower counts, or appearance,
we end upfeeling small or sensing that we are not enough.

Here is one more thing.

The place where we grew up, "school," may have also
unconsciously strengthened this"habit of comparing."

Report cards, deviation scores, rankings, average grades.
Using the same standards, at the same time, all together as a group.
Days where being compared was the "norm."

We got so used to that,
that even as adults, we think "I can't work hard unless I compare myself to others,"
or we blame ourselves every time we feel "inferior to someone else."

But, in reality...
Life shouldn't need rankings.
You don't have to compare yourself to anyone; it's okay to proceed at your own pace.

That is precisely why
becoming aware of this "habit of comparing"
is the first step toward reclaiming "who you truly are."

°⌖꙳✧˖°

The true desire hidden behind the "habit of comparing"

You don't want to compare yourself to others, but you do it anyway.
And every time you do, you feel a bit down or criticize yourself.

Do you blame yourself for that, thinking you are "weak" or "small-minded"?

But is that really the case?

When you look "behind" the habit of comparing,
what you actually find is often a very honest and pure desire.

For example...

These are "desires" that everyone holds deep in their hearts.

But perhaps you just don't know how to express them,
or how to fulfill them,
so they are simply coming out in the easy-to-understand form of "comparing yourself to others".

For instance, when you feel uneasy about someone else's success.
If you thought, "Why is it always them..."
the truth might be that you had a desire to "shine like that too".

When you feel anxious about someone's glamorous social media post.
If you felt like "I have nothing,"
it might be because you had feelings like,
"I want to be cherished too"
or "I want to feel that my daily life has meaning too."

Comparing yourself to others becomes a mirror that reflects your true feelings.

That is precisely why you don't need to blame yourself.
When you find yourself comparing, try asking yourself these questions gently.

Within those questions,
the "true wish" that you want to cherish from now on“true wish”is hidden.

°⌖꙳✧˖°

3 Habits to Gently Unwind the Habit of Comparing

The act of comparing itself is not a bad thing.
But if it makes you feel miserable every time...
it's good to know how to "unwind" it little by little.

Here, we will introduce
[3 Habits to Gently Loosen the Habit of Comparing]that you can incorporate into your daily life.

1. Just noticing that you are comparing is half the battle

The first and most important thing is“to notice”.

The moment you think, "I'm comparing myself again,"
that alone is proof that you are already taking a step back and observing yourself.

Rather than the act of comparing itself,
being "unaware" that you are comparing puts a greater burden on your heart.

Once you notice it, you are already halfway to letting it go.

I recommend trying to talk to yourself like this.

Instead of blaming yourself,just notice it.
That alone will help your heart slowly begin to relax.

꙳✧˖°

② Take a little bit of 'time to return to yourself'

When you are comparing yourself to someone else,
you are actually in a state of 'not looking at yourself'.

That is why you should take a step back from other people's worlds and
consciously create 'time to return to yourself'.Please try doing this.

For example...

• Put your smartphone away for just 5 minutes

• Try writing down your feelings in a notebook

• Stare blankly out the window

• Smell a scent you like

• Exhale deeply

These small 'pauses' will slowly return the axis of your heart to 'yourself'.

To avoid being swayed too much by the outside world,
to loosen the habit of comparing, you first need a 'place to return to'.

꙳✧˖°

3. From "Comparing to Others" to "Comparing to Your Past Self"

When you find yourself feeling down because you've compared yourself to others,
it can be effective to shift your perspective a little.

For example,

When you ask yourself these kinds of questions,
it becomes practice for looking at things through a"self-centered perspective" rather than an other-centered one.

If you are going to compare, compare yourself to "yesterday's me," not "someone else."
That way, your heart will be much calmer, and your confidence will grow.

It's okay if you can't stop doing it perfectly right away.
The important thing is to loosen that habit little by little.

When you notice you've been comparing, gently bring yourself back.
As you repeat this over and over,
the time you spend not comparing will gradually increase.

꙳✧˖°

Things that drift away when you compare

When our consciousness is focused on comparing,
we tend to drift away from the small joys right in front of us,
and from our own unique "pace" and "what we love."

"I have to be able to do more"
"This isn't good enough"
Driven by thoughts like these, the space in our hearts is gradually lost.

But, in reality...

There is a place where you don't have to compare yourself to anyone.

That place is here and now.

It is a place to live "my life," not "someone else's life."

The scenery only I can see
The joy only I can feel
The pace only I can walk at

When the time you spend feeling life through "your own yardstick" increases like that,
your heart will quietly fill up before you know it.

You don't have to rush, and you don't have to catch up; it's okay.
Having a place within yourself where you can take a deep breath
is the greatest "life skill" of all.

꙳✧˖°

Today's Question

At that moment, what did you really want to feel...
Please try listening to your heart for a little while.

In conclusion

When you notice that you are comparing yourself to others,
please gently embrace yourself by saying,
“Oh, I am really doing my best right now.”

Because living is a much more delicate and wonderful endeavor than you might think.

May you have another day filled with “love” today.

Recommended reading

✧˙⁎⋆There are days when you feel down because you compare yourself to others, but
“an opportunity to re-examine your current self”might be hidden there.Please read this along with tips on letting go of the habit of comparing.

✧˙⁎⋆When you find yourself swayed by visible numbers, it is actually
a chance to look at your “true value”instead.
Use this as a hint to cultivate the “power to believe in yourself” that lies beyond the “habit of comparing.”

#Comparing #ComparingToOthers #Comparison #SelfEsteem
#BeYourself #SelfAxis #DontCompareWithOthers #EaseYourMind
#NeedForApproval #SNSFatigue #SelfCare #DifficultyLiving
#HighlySensitivePerson #Journaling #ThingsTheyDontTeachAtSchool #LivingWell