[Things They Don't Teach You at School #07] Being 'Different' Is Not a Flaw. ~Who Decided What's 'Normal'?~

Hello. I am One Heart, a piano instructor and mental coach.

Delivered every other Thursday, this is the"Life Skills" Magazine.
"Life skills they don't teach you at school."
Today is the seventh installment.

The theme this time is, "Is being 'different' a bad thing?'."
When I was a child, my report card would say things like "lacks cooperativeness," "quiet," or "passive," and I felt as ifI had been stamped with a 'failure mark'.
"Am I a defective product?" I even worried about that.

Is being "different" really such a bad thing?
I feel that, on the contrary, that is exactly where your individuality and potential are hidden.

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The 'failure mark' stamped on my report card

These words were lined up on my report card when I was a child. (It was almost always the same...)
"Lacks cooperativeness"
"Quiet"
"Passive"

If you didn't raise your hand in class, you were "passive"; if your voice was small when called upon, you were "quiet"; and if you didn't act the same as everyone else, you "lacked cooperativeness."
To me as a child, the words from my teacher on my report card looked as ifI had been stamped with a 'failure mark'.

"Am I... a defective product?"
I remember that every time I received my report card, that anxiety would spread in my chest.

For those of you reading this article, how do you feel when you look back on your childhood?

When you can't fit in with what's considered "normal," you find yourself labeled as "different" before you know it.

Those little wounds from back then sometimes remain somewhere in our hearts even after we grow up.

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Who does "normal" belong to, anyway?

My report card said I "lacked cooperativeness," but in reality, I actually had quite a few friends, haha.

It seems the teacher's standards and the standards of the daily life I was living were a bit out of sync.

...Could it be that report cards were actually just judgment sheets to check how far you deviate from the "Normal Manual"? I can chuckle at that thought now, haha.

But when you really think about it, who does "normal" actually belong to? It differs depending on the era and place, and it changes significantly depending on your family and culture, doesn't it?

Yet, when someone says "Isn't it normal to do it this way?", it feels as if they are thrusting the correct answer for all of society upon you.

But in reality, that is just them stating "their own personal standards" as if they were universal rules.

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Is being 'different' really so bad?

Many of us have been told since we were children,'You're different,'as a comment.

I imagine many people have had the experience of not being able to take that phrase at face value, as it often seems to carry an underlying tone of, 'So, shouldn't you fix that?'

But in reality, being 'different'just means 'not according to your standards.'

What is 'normal' to one person is 'different' to another. In other words, it is not an absolute standard, but merely a
relative perspective.

And this'being different' is actually the source of originality. You can't create anything new by doing the same things as everyone else, can you?

Looking back at history, people who created great value in the fields of art, science, and expression were often called'different' by those around them.

Labels that seem negative at first glance can,when flipped, lead to talents and strengths.

• 'Lacks cooperativeness' = Has their own core, the strength not to be swayed

• 'Quiet' = Can listen carefully to others, has observational skills

• 'Passive' = Can judge things cautiously, the ability to spot risks

These are not 'flaws' at all, but traits that can become great weapons depending on the environment.

In other words... being told you are 'different' is also proof that 'you have a unique perspective.'

I myself felt that 'different = inferior' until I was in high school. And I even thought of it as
'a flaw that needs to be fixed.'

But after I went to music college, that feeling changed completely. Everyone around me was
'someone different'! lol

Moreover, that 'differentness' was actually a huge potential, creating incredibly wonderful performances and sensibilities.
(Everyone's sensibilities were exploding, lol. It might have been the first place where I felt 'it's okay to be here.')

The four years at music college were a major turning point for me. When I could truly realize
'It's okay not to be normal' and 'Actually, if I stay 'normal,' I'll just get buried,'
I was able to sincerely believe that being 'different' is not a flaw, but a power to expand my expression.

Looking back, that 'bad stamp' pressed on my report card back then quickly turned into a 'strength stamp' just by changing my perspective. This is truly
'thinking upside down,' isn't it?

When you turn the parts you believed were 'weaknesses' upside down, they begin to shine as 'strengths' or 'talents.'

There might be a lot of dormant potential hidden within the word 'different.' (Are a lot of people nodding along...?)

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Being 'different' is proof of who you are

For a long time, I thought the word 'different' was a 'flaw.'

The words my teachers wrote on my report card—'lacks cooperativeness,' 'quiet,' 'passive'—felt as if they were being thrust at me like'You need to fix this.'I felt like I was being told that.

However, after becoming an adult and witnessingthe way 'eccentric people' wielded great powerat music college, my perspective changed completely.

Rather than being the same as others, there are expressions and possibilities that are born precisely because you are different.

I have come to strongly believe that how you utilize your 'uniqueness' is more important than conforming to what is 'normal'.

Being 'different' is not a bad thing; it isproof of your individuality.

Depending on your environment and the people you meet, that individuality can become a weapon or a power that heals someone.

So, if someone says to you now,'You're so different,'I can now accept that without hesitation and say, 'Thank you.'

Please, do not deny your 'different' side.

It is not something to be fixed, but something to be polished.

Nurturing it in that way should become an essential skill for surviving in the era to come.

💐 A final gentle message

How did you feel about this?

Have you ever been told that you are 'different'?
How did you take that at the time?

When I was a child, I used to worry, thinking, 'Do I need to fix this?'

But looking back now, I feel that it was a word that expressed'my true self.'

If you'd like, I would be happy if you could feel free to share your own episodes or thoughts.

May you have another day filled with love.

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📖 Recommended articles to read together

To you, who have been hurt by someone's words. Your value cannot be decided by anyone else.
👉 When you react to someone else's words, it might be the 'voice within yourself'.

[Upside-down thinking] When you stop 'wanting others to read your mind,' relationships for sensitive people become easier
👉 'The other person not reading your mind' does not mean 'you have no value.'
When you look at it from an upside-down perspective, relationships become lighter.

#LivingAsYouLike #WhatIsNormal #CharacteristicsOfDifferentPeople #StrengthsOfBeingDifferent
#WhatIsIndividuality #SelfAcceptance #WhatIsCooperation #QuietPersonality
#PassivePersonality #LivingDifferently #LeveragingIndividuality #WhatIsValue
#OthersEvaluation #FindingYourStrengths #ThingsNotTaughtInSchool
#SelfCare #Individuality