A Midwife's Marriage Hunting Record - Part 3: Learning Marriage Hunting Etiquette and Ethics, and Using Midwife Intuition and the Nursing Process for Matchmaking

Armed with a profile created by various professionals, I began selecting people to meet, spurred on by a comment from the 'Marriage Hunting Lady'—was it encouragement or a threat? (Probably... no, definitely encouragement!)—who said, 'Even if you get turned down, you'll get proper feedback, so don't get discouraged and stay positive!'
Among the people picked out during a meeting at the Marriage Hunting Lady's company, I decided to meet with those whose schedules aligned with mine.

First Person: Learning Marriage Hunting 'Etiquette' and 'Ethics'

I honestly don't remember much about the first person I met (lol).
We met at a famous cafe in a trendy neighborhood. We sat face-to-face over a single cup of coffee each. We were told it would last about an hour, and it was decided that the bill would be split. Apparently, this is a rule to prevent trouble, and it was truly split down to the very last yen. I even took the bill to the register myself. It might sound like I'm being condescending, but if I write this without fear, I had never split a bill exactly like that when I had gone out for a meal—a date, I suppose?—with a man before... In fact, I had never even taken the bill to the register or known the total amount.
The Marriage Hunting Lady had also told me not to exchange personal contact information, no matter how well I got along with the other person. This was also to avoid trouble, and I was told to follow it strictly. And indeed, we never exchanged contact information, nor did we say, 'Let's meet again.'

I'm not here to fall in love.

I don't remember what we talked about or what kind of person he was, but I remember clearly feeling that way and being left in a daze after we parted.
When going out for clinical practice in nursing or midwifery, we always receive an orientation to learn the 'etiquette.' Before the practice begins, we also learn about 'ethics' as a professional.
The first person I met truly taught me the 'etiquette' of marriage hunting and the 'ethics' one should possess.
And the feedback that came back later was:

'It was different from the image I had.'

Oh my, well (lol).
I had gone out wearing a fully coordinated outfit, with my hair in a straight bob, and the same makeup and blush as in my professional photo—no, my profile photo. I actually wanted to ask him what kind of image he had, but that was not to be.

Second Person: Using Midwife Intuition and the Nursing Process to Understand the Other Person's Needs

The next person I met, if I recall, was an offer from the other side.
The location he specified was, once again, a trendy cafe.
It was a cafe where you'd expect afternoon tea to be served, with delicate cups and saucers that you'd drop if you didn't hold them carefully, and a single cup of almond-scented coffee poured into one.
This person sat at a 45-degree angle to me on a sofa covered in expensive-looking lace, wearing brown slacks and a navy blazer. If he had been a handsome man like a photographer at a photo shoot, I would have been stunned, but the person sitting there looked exactly like the eldest son of that famous family that always appears on TV at 6:00 PM on Sundays in Japan. Because of that, I felt very relaxed.
In my marriage hunting experience, I haven't had a formal matchmaking experience with a matchmaker present. But I imagine this is what it would be like.
'What are your hobbies?' 'What is your job?' 'What is your favorite food?'
While being bombarded with harmless questions, the other person also skillfully laid out his own information.
I don't know him well, but he likely graduated from a famous school and lives in a famous district with his parents. His family relationships are good. He likely works for a famous company and doesn't have transfers. His self-introduction was filled with famous proper nouns that even I, who am ignorant of information outside the medical world, had heard of in some way.
The barrage of questions from him, and the self-introduction that was exquisitely inserted in between. It was easy to understand, and he was calm and seemed refined, but I felt a growing sense of discomfort in the atmosphere. Since midwifery is a job that involves being close to people, I think many midwives value the atmosphere. Many people have high intuition for that. I have that kind of intuition, too, though it's not very high. It was a feeling of 'Something is strange,' or rather, an indescribable sense of discomfort at the time. It was that painful feeling from clinical practice records where you have the information, but you can't organize the assessment and can't reach a diagnosis or care plan.
There's something more. Behind this...
And then, toward the end, the other person finally got to the heart of his questions.

'What do you intend to do about your job after you get married?'

Aha. This is it. This is what he wanted to ask me most.
This is what it means to have a lightbulb moment.
It was the moment my assessment came together all at once.
I had no hesitation in my reply.
I didn't bother with any excuses and replied in a single sentence.

'I would like to continue working.'

The diagnosis I derived from my assessment was:
'This person wants me to quit my job and become a full-time housewife after marriage.'
If I had been in love with this person like in my previous relationships, I think I would have replied with something like, 'What would you like me to do?' But I was a marriage-hunting woman who had received marriage-hunting education from the Marriage Hunting Lady and had been taught the 'etiquette' and 'ethics' of marriage hunting. I planned and executed the strategy that the best course of action here was to state it clearly without making excuses.

Now, as for the result of the executed plan...
'The image of what kind of wife I wanted you to be after marriage didn't match.'
In a sense, it was an accurate assessment and plan, and the result was as expected. If this were a nursing process, I might be an excellent student (lol).

The Common Ground Between the Marriage Hunting Lady's Professional Skills and Midwifery Health Guidance

In this way, I continued to have 'matchmaking' meetings.
The Marriage Hunting Lady always looked over the reports I wrote with great care. She gave me positive comments like, 'It's good that you've determined your direction,' and 'That was a valuable experience.' Basically, our interactions were via email or within the marriage hunting company's website, but occasionally I was called in by the company for face-to-face meetings. We would look back on things based on something like my clinical practice records, and she always listened to my story and stood by me. Midwives, for example, in situations like midwife outpatient clinics or health guidance for pregnant women, subtly encourage the pregnant women themselves to face their lives and their physical and mental states, and they get involved so that the pregnant women themselves can find their own direction and live proactively. Sometimes we guide them, but basically, we value the stance of 'gently standing by them' (most midwives should, anyway...). The Marriage Hunting Lady's involvement around this time was not pointing things out like at the beginning, but rather helping me find the answer while I was talking. It was truly 'standing by me.' Every time I left a meeting, I was impressed by her interview technique, and I felt like I was being shown 'professional skills' in guiding someone.

Next time, I will write about a story where I got carried away at a matchmaking meeting and lost sight of my direction, and as a spin-off, an encounter at Tokyo Station.