[Self-Introduction] [Working Mom on the Edge] A story about my true self, having neither the resolve to pursue a career nor the courage to give it up
Nice to meet you.
Please let me introduce myself, a person who is incredibly indecisive.
I'm a working mom in my early 30s working in financial sales.
I live with my husband and my 2-year-old son.
I live every day right on the edge of time.
I wake up at 6:00 AM (though I really want to wake up at 5:30 AM),
get my son ready for the morning, and head to work a little early.
I leave at 5:00 PM, pick him up,
make dinner, give him a bath, put him to bed,
and before I know it, it's 10:00 PM.
I haven't used the word "leisure" lately.
I am lost in my career.
I've been in financial sales for 7 years now.
Chasing numbers, building relationships with clients,
I'm doing my best in my own way.
And then, I get asked periodically,
"Are you thinking about a management position in the future?"
Honestly, I don't know.
Even when I'm asked about my career plan,
"I want to gain experience in my current position first..."
is all I can say, which is a very vague answer.
It's not that I want to get promoted.
But if I'm going to work hard anyway, I want a raise.
I don't have the confidence to be a manager.
But I don't mind being expected to do well.
It's contradictory, isn't it?
Is it a contradiction that I, an INFP, am working in sales?
Have you ever done an MBTI test?
I was an INFP.
"Idealist," "Introverted"
...Wait, I'm not suited for sales at all, am I? (laughs)
But strangely enough, I don't hate this job.
Listening to customers and thinking of proposals that suit them.
More than the numbers, I like the moment when I'm told "thank you."
However, cold calling or
an aggressive sales style is not my thing.
So, there are times when I get really tired.
An introverted person doing an extroverted job.
This is also a huge contradiction.
Maybe being "halfway there" is my style.
I'll be honest.
I don't want to be a stay-at-home mom.
But I don't want to be the main breadwinner either.
I can't cut corners at work.
But I can't give it my all either.
I don't have the confidence to aim for a career.
But I don't have the courage to throw it away either.
Why did someone as halfway as me
start a NOTE?
What I want to write about in this NOTE
I hope it reaches other working moms who are struggling just like me.
It's not a story about someone shining as a high-powered career woman,
and it's not a story about someone giving their all to child-rearing as a stay-at-home mom,
but a story about someone drifting in the middle.
The reality of my battlefield of a home
The guilt I feel at work
The story of wanting a second child but not being able to say it
The honest joy of getting a raise
The complicated feelings about an invitation to a management position
The frustration over sharing housework with my husband
The problem of having zero time for myself
I can't write about anything glamorous.
But I can write about the reality.
Actually, I don't like being told, "Don't try too hard."
People often tell me,
"It's hard raising kids while working, so take it easy."
I'm happy they say it, but it feels a bit off.
After all, the situation where I have to work hard hasn't changed,
and it's my own decisions that are pushing me to the limit.
I'm sure there are plenty of people who are better at cutting corners than I am.
I only know how to "work hard."
I keep thinking, "Isn't there an easier way to live?" but I can't seem to let go of anything.
What I will be writing about from now on
In this NOTE, I will write about the
reality of a woman living while struggling with the balance between her public and private life.
Balancing work and childcare (a tightrope walk by another name)
Balancing career and family (haven't found it yet)
Money matters (being serious about it)
Time management (not doing it well at all)
I don't have the answers.
But I would be happy if I could share a "I totally get that" with others who are struggling in the same way.
Finally
I'm not a perfect mother.
I'm not a high-powered career woman either.
I'm not good at cooking (store-bought side dishes are the best).
I'm bad at time management, too.
But that's who I am.
With the motto "I'll do as much as I can," I'm living life right down to the wire again today.
If you'd like, please join me on this journey.
[Profile]
Early 30s
7th year in financial sales
Living with my husband and son (2 years old)
INFP
Hobby: Smelling my child (it's healing)
#WorkingMom #30s #FinancialSales #INFP #CareerLost #LivingOnTheEdge #HonestTalk #NOTEBeginner #KansaiMom #WorkingWhileStruggling
Next time:
"A realistic daily timeline of living on the edge"
From my son waking up to dropping him off at daycare, it takes a shocking 20 minutes. Lol