Just my father and me, in a parking lot at midnight with snow piling up

My father drives me to the station. I wonder when it was that the 20-minute ride from my parents' house to the nearest station started to feel so restless.

Was it after I had my first crush in my student days? After I started living alone as a working adult? Or perhaps since I began living with my current boyfriend?

"Did this shop exist here before?"

"Oh, it's been there for a little while now."

There is a slight pause in a conversation that would have flowed easily if my mother or sisters were here. It feels like we are both probing each other, but at the same time, I feel like I'm overthinking it since we are family, so I shift in my seat for no reason. There was a time when I would talk about my own life without caring about my father's reaction, but I can no longer remember it.

My father is a good driver.

My mother even says that she fell in love with him because of his good driving. Our family, which has driven all the way from Tokyo to Hokkaido, has relied on my father's driving for almost all of our family events.

I have memories of every car we've driven in, and I believe the one three cars ago was a black sedan. Back then, I was at an age where I didn't even know what a car model was.

A coin parking lot where snow is falling silently. I stare from the passenger seat as white snow piles up in the darkness. My father, younger and thinner than he is now, must have been in the driver's seat. It seems that at four years old, I was watching over my father as he took a short nap while driving through the night.

On the day a relative passed away in Niigata, my mother could not leave Tokyo. The fact that it was snowing means it was likely about a week before or after my younger sister was born. My sister was born at the end of winter.

I, at four years old, ended up going with my father. I was too young to understand the circumstances, but I still remember the scene in the parking lot on the way home. Wake up Papa when the long hand points to 30. Keeping that promise, I stared at the clock in the silent space.

It seems I fulfilled my role as an alarm clock well, and my father praised me for it in front of everyone many times after that. My father, who was usually only angry, would ruffle my hair and look proud, which made me happy too.

As far as I can remember, that was the first drive I ever took with just my father.

Even after I started elementary school, my father would often ask me, "Do you remember that time?" When I told him about the memory of the snowy landscape, he would look satisfied and grin, saying, "Mayu, you're so smart." Perhaps because that made me happy, my memory of it became so strong.

The visit to Niigata itself wasn't for a happy reason. However, the fact that my father praised me so many times must have surely saved me from the loneliness I felt just after my sister was born.

We don't go on long trips together like that anymore. Since I moved out of my parents' house, I only talk to my father a few times a year.

But, though I won't tell him, out of everyone who has ever let me ride in their passenger seat, my father is still the best driver.

When I go back to my parents' house next time, will we talk about anything? It feels a bit embarrassing to have a serious conversation now.

That is why we surely watch "Aibou." It has been decided between my father and me among the five of us in the family that we watch the annual special drama together. On a night in Tokyo where it doesn't snow, we gaze at the television facing the same direction, just like we are in a car. And I will end up waking my father up in the middle of the night again, as he falls asleep on the sofa before I know it.

I participated in the first project by Mediterranean Climate-san.

It was a very wonderful project, like receiving a share of everyone's life. The more I read the works of the other participants, the more I struggled with what to write, and in the end, it took me until the very last day.

You helped me recall memories that I thought I remembered but had stopped thinking about. I am enjoying the project. Thank you very much.