[Notes] The night I, overwhelmed by parenting, found healing
I've been feeling tired lately.
When I think that, I want to go somewhere with lots of nature.
I love that feeling of getting energy just by being in a space with the fresh scent of trees.
Before I had children,
"I'll travel once a month!"
I used to say things like that, but that's become difficult now.
Since we don't have a car, we barely manage to go to a nearby shopping mall on weekends.
Will I be able to travel again when the children get a little older?
Thinking that, I've been secretly making a list of places I want to go.
It's not that I want to be extravagant.
I dream of a vacation abroad, but it doesn't have to be that.
Just a little bit of something out of the ordinary, a time to heal me.
Because I realized that those small things are actually what make me happy.
When you're raising children, you hit walls you've never experienced before.
From things like them not eating baby food, not sleeping at night, or having terrible tantrums, to things like whether to let them take lessons, whether to choose a nursery school or kindergarten, or whether to scold or reason with them—there's no end to it once you start thinking.
But there's no right answer to any of it.
From the moment you're labeled a "mother," you're on duty 24/7, constantly facing those walls.
Even if you want to run away, you can't.
Since my second child was born, it's been chasing me at an accelerating pace, and lately, I haven't been able to shake off the fatigue at all.
While breastfeeding, scrolling through my camera roll with a sleep-deprived, sluggish brain, photos from places I visited when I was still footloose and fancy-free popped up.
Those places that healed the past me seem to have exerted their power even as photos.
I'll leave a few photos that remain in my heart here.
Shimonada Station in Ehime.
That sensation of being drawn into the straight road that seemed to go on forever and the lush green.
It seemed to go on forever, so I couldn't help but stop and take a picture.
A shot I took while being swayed on the trolley train.
Overwhelmed by the great outdoors,
"I am so small."
The moment I thought that.
I was overwhelmed by the scenery that I felt like I would be sucked into.
The temperature was lower than in the city, and it was cool even in summer.
Such memories came back, and I felt a little bit better.
It's not bad to look back at photos and get healed when you're tired. That was the kind of night it was.