pretend not to notice

This text is merely a collection of my own delusional ramblings after watching and reading "butter01." Every work of art has its own interpretations and ways of being viewed, and I believe all of them are correct and precious to the individual. Sometimes, another person's perspective might infringe upon your own "precious" feelings, so please feel free to turn around and walk away without hesitation.

On Monday, March 31st, "butter01" was released. The HMV limited edition features my favorite actor (I'll keep his name a secret) on his first solo cover!! So, on the day the release information was unveiled, I was disappointed by the word "sold out" without knowing any details. When I was finally able to place an order thanks to information from a follower, I felt a huge sense of relief, even though I still didn't know any details. As for the wild excitement from then until the release date... well, you all know how that goes.

Now, I am very bad at putting my thoughts into words when appreciating photographs or paintings. I don't have the linguistic ability to express in words what appeals to me non-verbally. So, I usually stop at impressions like "so cool," "so cute," or "I love it," and then just stare at them intently. And if I had to choose, I actually prefer reading text like interviews—though that's only if I really had to choose.

This time, too, the interview was so dense that I was initially sucked into it. But the next morning, something suddenly occurred to me, and as I looked at the photos, my delusions exploded with a "Whoa! This is..." and I opened my note app because I wanted to record it.

The theme this time was "Tokyo, I'm taking it easy."

"Someone far away is thinking of him, yet he is spending his time leisurely."

When I read this, I felt a slight sense of discomfort. It's a theme, so it doesn't matter at all, but a corner of my mind was thinking, "Is it really possible for him, of all people, not to notice that someone is thinking of him?"

When I looked over every corner of the page, the title written in cursive at the beginning caught my eye. "pretend not to notice"??? What does that mean??? Does it mean he actually does notice that "someone far away is thinking of him"?

...If that's the case, doesn't the story change 180 degrees? Is this a trick art piece!!

...I made that retort, but somehow it made more sense that way. (Yeah, that's right, there's no way he wouldn't notice. That's the kind of person he is...) I thought.

Just as I felt relieved, the title text ended with a lingering note: "...until he catches sight of a quietly beautiful flower." ...Huh? Huh? Huh?

So, with my head spinning right after waking up this morning, would you listen to the story of how I re-examined the photos?

He is playing with a large amount of syrup, whipped cream, and butter. It's good that he's spending his time leisurely. I wonder if he's enjoying his vacation, too. But surely, he actually notices the thoughts of him reaching him from afar. He is pretending not to notice. In a world that has become different from the time when he could just relax completely on his own, he is still trying to enjoy it and make others enjoy it.

But after finding a quietly beautiful flower (a tulip), he can no longer pretend not to notice that the "person thinking of him" is somewhere, right there. He likens that person to the tulip, staring, staring, staring at it... he even drags it around the city (lol).

(Note: The fact that the words "about relationships with 'others'" are written on the bottom right of page 52 is just hats off... the editing is superb. The content here is so deep that I could talk about it for an hour.)

It's impressive that his expression definitely changes from this "tulip" page onwards. Up until then, he had been entertaining us with expressions that were playful, teasing, and even a little cunning, but from this page on, he stares at the tulip with an indescribable expression that is both poignant and enchanting...

Oh, I see. So this is how he looks at something precious... As I thought that, the moment I defenselessly opened the last page, the gaze from the close-up photo jumped out at me!!

"Whoa!!!"

...*thud* (closes the magazine)

Wait? He noticed, didn't he? He noticed us, didn't he!?
He noticed that we were thinking of him from afar, didn't he...

...It would be one thing if I had noticed, but... are you really going to stare at me with those eyes???

My heart rate is off the charts from the very start of the day.

That is the self-serving story that has been racing through my mind.

The photos that were scattered about suddenly came at me, from beginning to end, with an incredibly persuasive expression.

This must also be his power as an actor. I can clearly feel his extraordinary ability, and I am wrapped in emotion.

I am very curious about what kind of concept was actually conveyed to him, but I am sure that is left to the freedom of the receiver. At the very least, for me, his page in "butter01" has become a single work of art and something very precious, and the joy of this magazine being his first-ever solo cover has increased tremendously.

And now, I find myself looking forward to the "LOVE STORY" he mentioned, which will surely come one day.

...Or rather, he has already shown us enough glimpses of that in "Hidamari," and I feel like he has already grabbed me by the scruff of the neck and taken my breath away.

pretend not to notice

To me, these words sounded gentle. To notice, but pretend not to. To understand each other without needing to put it into words. I hope I can continue to support him within such a gentle relationship.

Lastly, I am terrible at English, so this might not be the intended meaning, but please forgive me as this is just my personal delusion. (If it meant something like "playing dumb" or "feigning ignorance," a different world might open up.)

Thank you for reading.