The path of enjoying turning the ramblings of a forty-two-year-old into truth someday.

My son said he would make a dragon, the zodiac sign for this year, out of resin clay.

"Dad, I want you to watch me from next to me. It's for your birthday, so I'm giving it to you."

He said this while spreading his materials out on a newspaper. As if prompted, I sat at the table facing him, and while watching him mix yellow paint into the clay with his small hands, I decided to ponder things in a hazy sort of way.

My son carries something inside his body that is completely undetectable from the outside. It might be my own selfishness that makes me not want to describe it as an "illness" or "disease," but just saying those words makes me feel like I'm being smothered by them, so I prefer not to use them.

Even if it leads to no particular result, I believe it has meaning.

At less than ten years old, he sometimes makes remarks that sound as if he's cornered and about to give up. He might not truly mean it from the bottom of his heart, but seeing my own child on the verge of breaking because of "that something" makes the words "I wish I could take your place"—words I would never say to anyone else—rise straight to my mind.

Even though I'm not a good person.

Can I pass on the essence of things to my daughter and son within our limited time? I feel that I must live while thinking about that.

To live out our own version of an entertaining life

This is an ongoing promise I made with a friend a long time ago.

I finally had some time to go out for drinks with my best friends.

Isehara City in Kanagawa Prefecture is my hometown. My friend Pop, who sends his children to school in Isehara, told us that the number of children is decreasing.

Yohei, who is set to take his family abroad again for a three-year assignment starting this year, wanted to hear about us more than talk about himself.

We passed our twenties living as we pleased, got through our thirties desperately trying to blend into society, and now we have reached our forties, pondering what we think and how we face life.

Each of us carries our own circumstances.

While realizing that something vague about an end, which had never come up in conversation before, was taking shape and forming a silhouette there, we laughed heartily together.

"So, what do you want to do from here on out?"

That was Yohei's question. He clearly told us about his goals in his work and what he envisions beyond achieving them. It was something that stimulated us, and something we could confidently say was only natural for him.

Above all, it sounded fun and interesting.

"From now on, I want to save up a little bit of the profit from my work and donate playground equipment to a park."

Pop said this. It is Pop's current goal and dream. I have heard him talk about it several times.

I think he will seriously see it through to the end.

I believe it is natural for dreams and goals to change every time we meet, as part of the process of change in the things that surround us. In the past, we would argue, saying, "If you've decided once, stick to it."

However, what we value more is whether something is fun or not. That is the unwavering guideline that has supported us for a long time.

I honestly confessed an emotion similar to an inferiority complex that I have felt toward my friends several times.

"You guys have a strong sense of being the protagonist."

I told them that I had always thought so. I spent my teenage years wishing to be the protagonist of my own life, but I learned from setbacks that there are people who are in the spotlight and those who are not.

Even so, I have clung desperately to my life to make it as enjoyable as possible.

The difference between me and them is that their actions naturally stem from doing things for someone else.

It is the feeling that if we can all enjoy ourselves as a result of sharing, that is enough.

Since I cannot act that way naturally, I know very well that it is "not something that can be done normally."

Whenever I encounter such situations and realize that I am a person who thinks selfishly, I hate myself.

Is it fun, or is it not fun?

I have been constantly swayed by this choice. Behind the reaction of enjoying things, everyone lives while hiding their own circumstances and trying to maintain a balance.

I have decided not to run away from them so that I can enjoy myself. I believe that will lead to living more enjoyably than anything else.

If I am with them, I can increase the number of times I have fun. I truly believe that.

"I will write you guys down. I'll write more about the town, the people and things living in the town. And I'll write about your ridiculous way of life, and I'll donate the profits I get from that to playground equipment. In short, that playground equipment will be in all of our names. It would be great if writing about ridiculous things could turn into playground equipment, right?"

I thought that although I cannot be the protagonist, I can create one. If I am to leave something in a form, it is to support the person who does what they think is the most fun, while participating myself.

"That sounds fun. I won't read it, though."

That is what the two of them told me, but that is more convenient for me. That is exactly who I am, and that is my story.

I will write it with plenty of fiction and humor added to it.

Pop said this at the end.

"My wife said that there have been a lot more women at the year-end and New Year parties this year."

I gently added to the conversation.

"Well, isn't that the alluring gap in a woman's heart that needs filling, now that things have finally settled down and they have more room in their minds and bodies?"

Yohei summarized while watching Pop nod enthusiastically.

"In three years, I want to have a lively discussion about second partners or honey traps."

We reaffirmed that we are connected by something stronger than friendship: the fact that we truly love women.

What are you talking about?

Looking at the dragon my child made, I hoped that someday they would laugh and make fun of us for living such silly but fun lives.

Living isn't heavy. It should definitely be light.

I want them to feel that way.

I thought that was something I could do, and something I could provide entertainment with.

If I ever make a donation, I definitely want it to be for playground equipment that never fails to be fun.

Someday, I want to have a drink with you and your friends.