The Day I Shed Tears While Listening to My Father | Week 2 of the 100-Minute Family Talk Challenge
Hello! This is Shoko ^^
“Let’s look at our family members and talk for 100 minutes.”
It has been two weeks since I started this challenge.
Last week it was 39 minutes, but
this week I was able to talk for 144 minutes.
Looking only at the numbers,
“That’s a huge increase!”
but
the biggest event of this week wasn't the time.
It was talking with my father.
What’s more,
I shed tears while listening to him talk.
It happened so naturally that even I was surprised.
I’d like to write about that today.
I didn't really feel like talking to my father
Actually, for a long time,
I wasn't very good at talking to my father.
He talks too much.
He sounds preachy.
He gets angry if things don't go his way.
About my career path.
About marriage.
Even about small things, one by one.
We have clashed many times in the past.
There were times I talked while sobbing.
So honestly,
I didn't really think,
“I want to have a long, relaxed talk with my father.”
But recently,
having started the challenge of facing my family,
it suddenly occurred to me.
I talk to my mother.
But I don't talk to my father at all.
A lot has happened in the family lately, and
he might have things he wants to talk to someone about.
Besides,
I might be able to listen to my father properly now that I am who I am today.
Thinking that,
I invited my father to lunch.
At the house of my late grandfather,
which my father goes to manage every day.
I said, “Let’s eat together.”
I wanted to make it a comfortable time for my father
I had one goal this time.
To listen to my father's story.
Up until now,
I would meet him because I wanted to talk.
I would meet him because I wanted him to do me a favor.
I feel like that happened a lot.
But this time was different.
I wanted to make it a time where my father could think,
“Today was fun.”
I met him with that feeling.
That said,
from the moment we met,
he saw the scratch on my son's face and said,
“You’ve got a scratch on you, haven't you?” (laughs)
I thought, he’s still the same as ever.
In the past,
I think I would have gotten annoyed at that point.
But this time,
it was a day to just listen.
I had decided that.
So,
I was able to let it slide with just a,
“Yeah, that’s right~”
As I listened to my father, I began to see my grandfather
While we were talking,
the conversation turned to my late grandfather.
Both my grandfather and my father
are, if anything, clumsy people.
They aren't the type to be good at expressing affection,
and they almost never
praise their family.
But as I listened to my father's story,
I had a feeling I had never experienced before.
What kind of thoughts did my grandfather have while he worked?
How did my father see that?
Why does my father think that way?
Why does he say things like that?
Even though these were stories I had heard before,
for the first time, I could see the life behind them.
Until now,
I had only been listening to the content of the stories.
But this time was different.
My father's life.
My grandfather's life.
I felt like I could see the background behind them.
Before I knew it, tears were falling
At that moment,
before I knew it, tears were falling.
Not streaming down,
but just sliding out.
Naturally.
My grandfather,
and my father,
might have been clumsy.
They might not have been good at conveying their feelings.
But,
thinking of their family,
they lived their lives doing their best every day.
When I thought that,
tears just came out on their own.
And at that moment,
my father also looked like he was tearing up a little.
If it were until now,
I don't think I would have noticed.
Because I,
wasn't looking at my father's face properly while talking.
Maybe this is what it means to “listen”
People often say,
“Let’s listen to what the other person has to say.”
I thought I was listening, too.
But what I felt this time was,
listening might not be about hearing the words.
What kind of life has the other person lived?
With what thoughts did they say those words?
Maybe it’s about trying to imagine those things.
That’s what I thought.
And,
there is my grandfather,
there is my father,
and there is me.
I feel like I was able to truly realize for the first time
what I had only understood in my head.
This week's record
This week was a total of 144 minutes.
But,
120 minutes of that was time with my father.
Thinking about it that way,
I still have a long way to go (laughs).
On Monday, with my daughter,
3 minutes talking about shadows and time on the way to nursery school.
On Tuesday, with my 6-month-old son,
5 minutes of looking at his face and talking while touching his forehead, nose, and other facial parts.
On Wednesday, 2 minutes talking about bananas with my eldest son.
5 minutes with my daughter about her nursery school duties.
3 minutes with my second son while looking at his facial parts again.
On Thursday, 120 minutes with my father.
I also talked to my eldest son for 1 minute, but
I forgot what we talked about (laughs).
On Friday, 1 minute talking about sports day with my eldest son.
On Saturday, 1 minute talking about mosquito bites with my daughter.
On Sunday, 3 minutes talking about flexibility with my eldest son.
Lining it up like this,
honestly, it’s a bit of a shock.
There are days when we are together all day.
There are holidays, too.
Yet,
the time spent looking at their faces and talking is only 1 or 2 minutes.
And what's more, the next day,
there are days I can't even remember what we talked about.
I thought I was talking more.
But in reality, it was different.
If I let my guard down,
it immediately becomes “talking while doing something else.”
Cleaning while listening.
Looking at my smartphone while listening.
I am answering.
But I am not facing them.
I think there is more of that time than I thought.
So this week,
rather than the fact that I was able to talk for 144 minutes,
it might have been a week where I learned how much I hadn't been facing them.
Next week,
not just “looking at their faces,”
I will try to be conscious of “looking into their eyes” ^^
This challenge is for two months until July.
I’ll report back again!
Writer 📘 Shoko | Someone who wants to keep laughing through every day with family
A mother of three working full-time. Currently on maternity leave.
“Even in a busy daily life, I want to live in my own way, comfortably, and happily with my family.” With that thought in mind, I am sharing ways to deal with emotions and tips for organizing relationships with family.
I am practicing hints for enjoying every day without being swayed by emotions, and challenges I can do as a working mom ^^
📖 E-book “To You Who Don't Want to Get Angry Anymore”
https://amzn.asia/d/bp598I8
🎙 Broadcasting on stand.fm
https://stand.fm/channels/6386bacc82838c6aa3543ac0
I also tweet daily on X (formerly Twitter) -> @moromorormoroco
https://twitter.com/moromorormoroco_
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