Are you being chased by your 'ideal self' and losing your 'desired self'?

Are you being chased by your 'ideal self' and losing your 'desired self'?

Today, I continued reading Daniel Pink's 'The Power of Regret: How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward'.

This time, two points in particular gave me pause for thought:

* There are 'three selves' within us
* Regrets about what we didn't do linger longer than regrets about what we did

Why do people put off the things they truly wanted to do?

One reason, it is said, lies in the relationship between these 'three selves'.

The three selves within us

In this book, the self is divided into the following three categories:

1. The actual self

The self that is living right now.

This is the self here and now, including current abilities, work, income, lifestyle, and actions.

2. The desired self

The self that holds hopes and dreams and wishes, 'This is who I want to be'.

This includes things you want to challenge yourself with, things you want to create, things you want to express, and the life you truly want to lead.

3. The ideal self

The self that carries the weight of duties, responsibilities, morals, and the expectations of those around you.

'I must do this.'
'I should fulfill this role.'
'I must not cause trouble for others.'

This is the self shaped by such 'shoulds'.

The 'ideal self' strongly drives immediate action

If there is a gap between the actual self and the desired self, we want to close that gap.

However, it is said that if there is a gap between the actual self and the ideal self, that impulse becomes even stronger.

I haven't fulfilled my duties.

I haven't lived up to my responsibilities.

I haven't met expectations.

When people feel this way, they are more likely to prioritize 'things they should do' over 'things they want to do'.

Certainly, duties and responsibilities are important.

It is necessary to work, keep promises to others, and sustain one's livelihood.

However, if you only prioritize your 'ideal self', you lose the opportunity to close the gap with your 'desired self'.

Regret over lost opportunities echoes later on

In the moment, fulfilling 'things you should do' seems more important.

You can do what you want to do tomorrow.

You can start once things settle down.

Let's think about it once I have a little more breathing room.

While you are procrastinating like that, the opportunity itself may disappear.

Age, physical strength, environment, encounters with people, the flow of the times.

Not all opportunities will wait for you in the same form forever.

Regrets from things you did and failed at can be learned from, and you can give them new meaning.

However, with things you didn't do, the experience itself remains non-existent.

'What would have happened if I had challenged myself back then?'

Perhaps it is precisely because we will never know the answer that the regret of missing an opportunity echoes so loudly as time passes.

Am I leaning too far toward one side?

While reading this chapter, I thought about my own actions and strategies.

Am I currently...

Prioritizing my 'desired self' too much and leaving my responsibilities and reality behind?

Or, conversely,

Bound by my 'ideal self' and putting off what I truly want to do?

Performance, composition, education, communication, management, taking on challenges abroad.

My activities involve both 'things I want to do' and 'things I should do'.

The perspective of protecting my livelihood and fulfilling my responsibilities is indispensable.

On the other hand, if I am only chased by those and lose the opportunity for creation and challenge, I may be left with great regret later.

The important thing is not to choose one or the other.

I think it is about periodically checking in with both your 'desired self' and your 'ideal self'.

Balance does not mean splitting things in half

When I hear the word balance, it sounds like spending the same amount of time on both.

However, true balance is probably not a simple fifty-fifty split.

Is now a time to prioritize responsibility?

Is this a challenge that, if missed now, can never be done again?

Which lack will leave the future me with greater regret?

I think it is necessary to re-examine this from time to time and consciously change the allocation.

Responsibilities have deadlines.

However, dreams and possibilities also have deadlines.

Do not fill your day only with 'things you should do'.

Do not relegate 'things you want to do' to your spare time.

To reduce future regrets, you need to protect the time and opportunities for your desired self first.

Today's realization

From this reading, the question that remained with me was this:

Does today's action bring me closer to my 'desired self' or my 'ideal self'?

And one more thing.

Am I pretending not to hear the voice of one or the other?

Fulfilling responsibilities is important.

Protecting hopes and dreams is also important.

Rather than pitting the two against each other, I want to treat both as important voices that shape who I am.

Turn today's realization into the fuel for today's actions.

Instead of ending with 'I want to do it someday,' let's take a small step in our current reality to get closer to the self we want to be.

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