I can't do anything unless I get the 'okay'

Because I have lived my life centered on others.

A part of me I recently discovered,
which I surely wouldn't have noticed on my own.

◇◆◇

I knew I had a tendency to care about what others think.

I also knew that I had a tendency for self-sacrifice.

In addition to that, I can use my HSP traits to provide exactly what the other person wants.

I feel that I must not cause trouble for others.

I think all of that was taken to an extreme.
Everything was a matter of course for me, and I believed in it without question. I still feel that way now.
But it had become a bad habit.

'What do you think of this?' 'It's good'—research that can only proceed with that approval.
'No one else can do it, so I have to.'
Even now at 23, I still report 'who I am going out with and where' to my parents.
Relationships where I am constantly probing for what the other person wants to do, what they want to eat, or where they want to go, based on every bit of information I can gather about them.
I receive many requests for advice, which I am happy about, but I never ask for advice myself.
That is howsuppressing myself has become the norm.

◇◆◇

Recently, I have been thinking about my future image,
the person I want to be.

While reading books for HSPs and sensitive people,
I had one thought.
I haven't been greedy enough.

I have things I want to do. But those arethings I want to do that are bound by form.It is, of course, a necessary premise to value the people around me, such as family, friends, and club members. But I have been too trapped by that, and I can only think about things with those premises in place. I could only envision my future path by creating a shape for myself—like 'if I go to grad school, then this, if not, then that'—and trying to fit into it.
For example, I went on my first solo trip during Golden Week this year. Even this was a struggle to get permission from my parents. With things like 'It's dangerous for a girl to be alone...', I needed permission or an 'okay' for everything. This doesn't happen in my club, but I suppose I have been creating it unconsciously myself.

Because I cannot move without permission.

◇◆◇

When I watch YouTube, short videos sometimes pop up about
'The mindset of people raised by overprotective parents.'
I thought it didn't apply to me, but looking back now, I feel like it fits perfectly.

Yes, once I realize that, I have to start doubting my own way of thinking.

But before that,ignoring reality,,I feel I need to try and be greedy.Even though I can say it abstractly like this, I am still in a state of 'So, what does that mean specifically?', but I want to become able to do it. Just a thought.