Why do small disruptions in the morning make me so frustrated?

In the morning, I can't find my commuter pass holder.

Just that alone makes me instantly frustrated.

If I don't have my pass holder, I can't even leave the house in the first place.

I want to catch the 6:20 train, but that time is being chipped away more and more.

While I'm looking for it, I'm yelling at myself inside my head.

"That's why I told you to keep your pass holder in a designated spot!"

It's something like that.

And this morning, it wasn't just that.

I thought I put on my socks, but the heel is in the front.

Even that makes me feel annoyed.

When I go outside, it's raining.

"Ugh, what a pain. Do I have to take an umbrella too?"

That's how I end up thinking.

If you look at each thing calmly, maybe they aren't such big events after all.

But on a busy morning, every little thing starts to look like something that will ruin my schedule.

Why do I get so frustrated by small disruptions in the morning?

What is the true nature of this frustration?

When I think about it a little, I realize that I have a routine I want to protect in the morning.

If I miss that train, the car will gradually get more crowded.

My morning cafe time will also get shorter.

The time I want to set aside to write notes is being chipped away bit by bit.

I want to leave a little bit of my own words behind before the day begins.

Because I have that image in mind, even the slightest disruption to my schedule makes my heart feel instantly unsettled.

I am quite an irritable person.

There is no point in sugarcoating this anymore.

However, when I observe that anger, I feel like it's not that the anger appears suddenly, but rather that there is irritation just before it.

Things don't go as planned.

Things don't proceed as I imagined.

And then, the feeling of 'not having enough time' is added to that.

When that happens, I move closer to anger all at once.

It's the same when I have urgent tasks left to do for work or in my private life.

I really want to write a note article.

But I have to finish that task first.

Of course, I know it's something I have to do.

I also know it's important.

But to be honest, sometimes in my heart, I feel like that task is 'in the way!'

'I really want to be doing this other thing instead.'

Because I have that feeling, I get irritated.

Something similar happens at the cafe in the morning, too.

It's almost time to head to work.

Just when I think that, I suddenly need to use the restroom.

However, the restroom is occupied for a long time.

At that point, my inner monologue becomes quite foul-mouthed.

"How long are they going to be in there?"

"Hurry up and get out."

It really is just like that.

Writing this down, I even find myself laughing a little.

But in that moment, I am genuinely frustrated.

Looking at it this way, there is a common thread to my frustration.

I have no time.

Things aren't going according to my plan.

When these two things overlap, my frustration intensifies.

And that frustration turns into anger.

In other words, I think I wanted to protect my morning time and the morning routine I have in my head.

The time to write my note at a morning cafe.

The time to put my feelings into words.

The time to start the day at my own pace.

When that flow is about to be disrupted, I react strongly.

Frustration and anger are not very pretty emotions.

If I could, I would like to be more calm.

But, in reality, it is frustrating.

Anger also wells up.

That is precisely why, rather than pretending those feelings don't exist,

"What is this?"

I feel there is meaning in taking a look at it.

Eliminating frustration is not easy.

But we can try to look at what lies beneath it.

Perhaps this morning's frustration was telling me something about what I value.