No One Understands the Avoidant Type ③ - Why Seeking Advice Made Me Feel Worse -

Good evening 🌙

Up until now,

I have been talking about the theme of "no one understands the avoidant type."

Some of you may have had the experience of consulting with fortune tellers, counselors, certified public psychologists, or clinical psychologists.

Of course, seeking advice itself is not a bad thing.

In fact, it is very important to talk to someone instead of bottling it all up inside.

However,

after seeking advice,

have you ever felt even worse for some reason?

Have you ever felt even more confused?

Have you ever had an experience like that?

That might be because

you listened too much to "the other person's opinion"

and left "how I am feeling" behind.

You should stop seeing him.

You shouldn't wait.

You should contact him.

You shouldn't contact him.



You should move on.

You should value yourself more.

I don't think any of these are wrong.

But,

when you heard those words,

how did you feel?



Did you feel relieved?

Did you feel distressed?

Were you convinced?

Did you feel something was off?

In an attempt to believe the words of the person you consulted, you might end up suppressing your own feelings.

Don't listen too much to the opinions of those around you.

Don't try too hard to be a "good person" for someone else.

It is okay to have your own opinion.



It is okay to have your own feelings.

There might be a better way.

There might be a better future.

There might be a better answer.

But,

if you keep looking for it in others,



you will never be able to find your own answer.

I should have done this back then.

I shouldn't have said that.

I shouldn't have contacted him.

I should have waited.

I shouldn't have waited.



Regretting the past is fine in moderation.

Trying too hard to act correctly is also fine in moderation.

It is okay not to fear failure.

Being left on read or having your messages ignored is painful, isn't it?

It's scary, isn't it?



It's painful, isn't it?

But in reality,

it's not that you wanted some special answer,



you just wanted to feel at ease.

You just wanted someone to listen to you.

You just wanted to rest a little.

Isn't it possible that there are times like that?

Right now,

you don't know what to do.

The reason you feel that way

might be because you are trying to do something for him.

Instead of how to act for his sake,



what can I do for myself right now?

It might be good to try adopting that perspective.

It is okay to take a break from searching for answers.

It is okay to take a break from blaming yourself.

I have to try harder.

I have to act more correctly.

I have to find a better answer.



If you have been keeping that kind of pressure on yourself,

why not try to relax your shoulders just for now?

Him.

The future.

Searching for answers.

Try setting them aside for a moment.

I think it is okay to have time like that.

Now

Here

Me

What am I feeling right now?

What do I need right now?



What am I able to do right now?

Not for his sake,

not for anyone else's sake,



but first for yourself.

And then,

let's try exhaling slowly.

Clench your hands tightly,

and then release the tension.

Raise your shoulders until they touch your ears,



and then release the tension.

Your legs, your hips,

and the tension in your face too.

Just noticing that you are tense is enough.

While taking deep breaths,

first face your own body.

It might be good to start from there.