Will I get a reply from my avoidant partner? — For those of you who find the wait for a reply painful

Good evening 🌛, this is Yukako, your heart's cat-friend.

There is a very common question I get in love consultations involving avoidant types.

That is,

"Will I get a reply from him?"

It goes like this.

The message is still unread.
It's been read, but there's no reply.
Everything was normal until yesterday, but suddenly it's gone quiet.

At times like these, your heart is suddenly swallowed by anxiety.

"Did I say something wrong?"
"Did he get sick of me?"
"Is it going to end like this?"

And, wanting to do something about that pain,

you look at horoscopes,
search social media for similar relationships,
or consult with friends.

You keep searching for an answer that will put your mind at ease.

But actually,

there is something more important than whether or not a reply comes.

That is,

why the time without a reply is so painful.

Today, I would like to talk about that.

The reason why the time without a reply becomes painful

The moment a reply from him stops,

the landscape inside your heart can change.

Even though you were spending your time normally just a moment ago,

just because your phone is quiet,

"Am I already boring to him?"
"Have his feelings cooled down?"
"Is the end near?"

Such thoughts come to mind one after another.

The time without a reply is not just a few hours or days,

it can become a time when even your own sense of worth is shaken.

It's not dependency, it's a reaction of the heart.



There is one thing I want to tell you here.

The reason you are concerned about a reply

is not because you are weak or clingy.
Past romantic experiences.

Relationships with family.

Attachment style.

Anxiety about being abandoned.

It is just that those accumulated things are reacting.

Therefore,

there is no need to blame yourself by saying,

"I have a dependent personality."

You feel anxious because he is a precious person.

First, please acknowledge that.

The reason why you can't feel at ease no matter whose words you hear

When people get anxious, they look for answers.

Consulting friends.

Looking at relationship-related content.

Getting a fortune-telling reading.

But,

no matter how many times you are told "it's okay,"

for some reason, you can't feel at ease.

That is because

the person you really want to hear it from is him.

You want his words.

You want his reaction.

You want to receive reassurance from him.

That is why the words of anyone else
feel insufficient somewhere.



Don't entrust the key to your peace of mind only to the other person.

However, there is one reality here.

The state of "I can't feel at ease until he replies"

tends to become a very painful relationship.

He also has work.

He also has fatigue.

He also has waves of emotion.

There are also people who are not good at putting things into words.

There are also times when he wants to keep his distance and think.

In other words,

if the other person holds all the keys to your peace of mind,

even your own heart ends up depending on the other person.

Things I want you to remember when you are anxious

There is no reply.

Therefore, I am hated.

Instead of that,

there were times when he did reply.

There were times when you were able to meet.

There were moments when he was kind to you.

That fact is also reality.

When we get anxious,

we end up imagining only uncertain things about the future.

But what supports our hearts

is often the reality we have built up until now.

What I tell my clients over and over again on Coconala

There is something I tell my clients over and over again during consultations.

That is,

do not expect too much from the other person's actions.

After sending a LINE message,

you end up looking at your phone many times.

Did he read it?

Is it not yet?

What did he think?

It becomes more painful the more your heart is directed toward the other person like that.

That is why I

recommend sending LINE messages when your own heart is fulfilled.

Therefore, I do not recommend it during times when your feelings are unstable due to your menstrual cycle.
The same goes for when you are tired.

I understand the feeling of wanting to be healed by the person you like, but now is not the time.

I feel that this kind of mindset is necessary,

It's okay if there's no reply.

It's lucky if he reads it.

At times when you can send it with that kind of feeling.

Finally

The time when there is no reply

is not a time when you are being tested.

It is a time to rethink

"where to place your heart."

You don't have to rush.

You don't have to force yourself to come up with an answer.

Should I contact him?

Should I wait?

Should I let go?

If your heart hasn't caught up with any of those,

you don't have to rush.

Feeling anxious during the time without a reply
is not weakness, but affection.

Not being able to feel at ease
is not because you are worthless, but because

it was that important of a relationship.

So, just for today,

please make the time you spend waiting for his reply

not a time to blame yourself,

but a time to cherish your own heart.