To You Who Keep Searching for Avoidant Attachment Styles: A Talk to Give Your Anxious Heart a Little Rest

Good evening🌛

I am Yukako, and I have been providing psychological and relationship counseling on Coconala for over 10 years with more than 1,400 cases, and in my real life, I have been with an avoidant partner for over 20 years.

As your relationship progressed, it was fun and exciting at first.

But now, you are only searching for terms like:

avoidant attachment
unread messages
read but ignored
cooling-off period
signs of interest

You are searching for nothing but those words.

No matter how much you look into it, your anxiety and questions only continue to grow.

Before you know it, you are even using AI as a sounding board, asking:

What should I do?

What should I do next?

What should I say?

What does he even think of me in the first place?

Your mind becomes completely filled with thoughts of him and his avoidant nature.

Days of constant restlessness.

Of course, you cannot spend your whole life just thinking about him.

You have work.
You have family matters.

You start worrying about marriage, children, and your future.

Even though it seems like everyone around you is moving forward,

I wonder if it is okay for me to be spending my time on things like this.

Should I be moving on to the next chapter already?

Such impatience starts to creep in.

And then, you start to wonder:

Which article should I read?

Which information is correct?

What should I believe?

You even lose track of that.

Recently, the number of clients coming to me on Coconala who have followed this path has been increasing.

You know the term 'avoidant attachment'.

You know to some extent how an avoidant person behaves.

You have consulted with AI many times.

You have looked at the internet, videos, and articles.

You have worked that hard.

You have thought about him that much.

It is hard to talk to friends about it.

I think that is also a choice.

However, I think you have been lonely to that extent.

I think you have been in pain.

That is why, first of all,

I want to acknowledge you for all the effort you have put in until now.

I want to tell you that you have really thought about this so much.

And I want to have a little laugh with you.

'What a guy, right?'

There are days you feel that way, aren't there?

But you still love him.

That is why it is so painful, isn't it?

When things are too painful, I think it is necessary to have a third party listen to you and comfort you, someone with whom you can feel safe.

Thank you for reading until the end.