Mini-story 🔰 'To the Light -Mother-' A tribute to the song by KANΦQUE released on May 1st

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'In the Garden Where Yellow Azaleas Bloom'


I am the only one who isn't doing well.

On the way back from my regular checkup at the OB-GYN,
swayed by the train in the bright early afternoon,
I was thinking vaguely.

The development is going well. My coworkers are kind, and
my husband Yota is genuinely looking forward to the birth.

The neighbor lady smiles as she passes by, saying, 'This is the best time, isn't it?'
I return a nod,
but.

I'm starting to feel unwell again.

I can't tell anyone that I'm anxious.

I thought that with Yota, I would be fine no matter what,
but I can't have him take on
the waves of my own physical and mental health.

It's unbearable to think that I
am starting to resemble my mother.
I found it hard to accept that my roots were in this mother.

Won't the child in my womb
also hate me like that?
Will I even be able to
raise a child properly?
That doubt grows day by day.

Even though I don't know what kind of child is coming,
the labels that people around me keep sticking on me,
'You're so happy,' 'You must be excited,'
were painful.

Yota's family are such good people it makes me want to cry.
They are all bright and kind.
That's why I can't have Yota understand
what is happening inside me.

'Let's go choose a baby carrier when I get home.'
I've lost the confidence to respond
to that smile.
I take out my smartphone,
and send only, 'Sorry, I'll be late because of a sudden girls' night out.'

Now then. Where should I go...?

Looking outside the train, vibrant pink azaleas flowed through the scenery.

Suddenly, I thought I wanted to see the yellow azaleas blooming in my parents' garden.
A color you don't see much elsewhere. They might be blooming now.
At this time, my mother should be at work.

I stood up at the transfer station.

An hour later.
I got off at a seaside station and walked through a park that was just an open square.
It's just around the corner of the familiar utility pole.

'...It's been a while. They were blooming after all.'

I felt relieved to find the yellow azaleas blooming modestly in the garden hedge.

A gentle, slightly grassy scent of the fields.
Garden trees that have watched the history of our home.
Seeing that bright yellow, like Guri and Gura's omelet, makes me feel better for no reason.

I sat on the veranda and opened the warm lemonade I had bought.

A small white butterfly, lured by the sweet scent, came fluttering by.

At 5:00 PM, the nostalgic chime of 'Furusato' began to play from the town speakers.
It was still bright outside, and I could feel that the days had grown longer.

I felt as if the scenery had tilted.

Huh, is it happening again?
I closed my eyes and braced myself, but the feeling of sickness didn't come.

When I looked up, something around me was a little different.
I can't explain it well, but the scenery as a whole.

Bam.
The front door right nearby opened,
and a girl in a blazer uniform jumped out.

'Huh, who...'

The girl didn't even look at me, and after thumping her Boston bag onto her bicycle, she rode off in a hurry.

Looking at the entrance, my mother was standing there.

I was startled and moved, but she didn't seem to notice me.

My mother kept watching the road where the bicycle had gone.

'Is this... me and my mother in the past...?'

After a little while, I appeared wearing my middle school gym clothes.
Next, me with a school backpack...

The past me always walked away without ever looking back.
I didn't know that,
in contrast, my mother had been seeing me off for so long.

Eventually, the taste of a field trip lunch, the feeling of having my hair braided, the music that was playing, the skin sensation of being excited about something, and more
came back to my five senses one after another.

'I was actually quite happy...'
'Why did I forget?'

The younger I got,
it was as if I had magnified the bad memories and put a lid on the good ones.

At that moment, a white sedan I recognized stopped slowly.
It was my father's car, the one I had seen in photos.

My young, slim father got out of the driver's seat and opened the back door.

'This is... when I came home for the first time after being born.'

My older sister reached out timidly and held the newborn while being supported.
She laughed with red cheeks, saying, 'So small.'

For some reason, my nose started to tingle.
Everyone was looking at me with welcoming eyes.

My grandmother was surprisingly cool.
I thought she cherished me because I was her grandchild, but knowing she loved me from the moment we met makes me happy.

My young mother...
looked somewhat tired and had a complex expression just like I do now.

However, when the baby me was returned from everyone's hands,
as if to confirm the weight of about 3 kilograms,
she rocked me slowly
and smiled happily.

I gasped at that expression.
She had such a calm face...

When I realized it, tears were streaming down.
I don't like to cry.
But this current one was warm like early summer rain... and I didn't dislike it at all.
I savored that feeling while trembling.

Even though I had precious memories,
why had I overwritten them with something else?

I was loved.
I had just forgotten...

Suddenly, a desire to see my husband, Yota, welled up inside me. I wondered what time it was now.

As I began to let my thoughts wander, the scene from a moment ago had vanished before I knew it.
The lemonade in my hand had gone completely cold.

But a definite warmth was spreading within my chest.

“Yota. Actually, I’m coming home now.
For some reason, I’m in the mood to eat a ton of food!”
I sent the message, feeling a little impatient.

When I searched for supermarket flyers,
I saw vivid images of carnations and sushi.

Oh, that’s right, Mother’s Day is coming up soon.

This year... let’s see, instead of just ordering online,
maybe I’ll write a letter or something.
I’ll come back to this place properly.


To visit.

🍀 -End- 🍀