I don't feel a spark no matter how many people I meet... 3 ways to identify the right person and escape 'dating hell'

Thank you for reading!

When I talk to friends who are struggling with marriage hunting, I often hear them say,
"I wonder if this person is right for me..."
"I can't tell what kind of person they are after just one meeting..."
and“I've met someone, but I don't really understand them, so I can't move forward”—this is a common concern I hear. 😂

I love analyzing people, so I can usually tell what someone is like after meeting them once! (lol)

Today, I'm going to write about the“conversations on a first date” and “points to look for”that I used to be conscious of!

If you're worried because you don't feel a spark even after going on dates, I hope this helps you. ☺️

1. Ask 'why' to explore the background

The number one thing I recommend to understand someone's personality is toask “why” a lot!

For example, it's a waste to just look at facts like their “university” or “occupation”!

✔️ Why did you choose to go to that university?
✔️ Why did you choose that major?
✔️ Why did you choose to work at that company?

Let's try repeating these “why?” questions!
Then,“hints about their personality”will start to appear. 💡

For example...
・Decided to go there because I was interested in what I could learn in that department
→ A person with a strong will who values their own interests as well as their academic background?

・Because I wanted to have the same profession as my parents
→ Someone who respects their parents and has a good relationship with them, but might also be the type to rely on their parents' opinions?

・Chose the job by prioritizing a good income
→ Someone who is realistic and reliable, but might not be the type to seek fun or fulfillment in their work?

By deepening the “why?” part like this,
you can see “what makes them who they are”—what they are interested in, and how they have perceived and acted on things!

And then, try comparing it with your own values and think about your compatibility with them. 😊

2. True intentions are revealed in 'actions' rather than words

You can deepen your understanding by looking closely at the other person's “actions,” not just their words. ◎

For example...
・They agonize over the menu when ordering at a restaurant
→ Someone who is indecisive, but might be the type who is considerate enough to go along with the other person's opinion?

・They are polite to the waitstaff
→ Someone who is polite and treats everyone with sincerity?

・They speak ill of their ex-girlfriend
→ Someone who tends to blame others and make it the other person's fault?

Point💡
Talking about an ex-girlfriend is a great way to see someone's personality, so I highly recommend it. 🙆‍♀️
When you ask what their ex-girlfriend was like,
if they respond with positive words like “she was a good person” or “she was cute” instead of bad-mouthing her,there is a high possibility they are the type who cherishes their girlfriend😊

Instead of believing their words when they say they are the type who really cherishes their girlfriend, catch their true personality by exploring how they treated their ex-girlfriend! 🥹

Even if you don't want to hear about it because you'll get jealous...
please try asking to understand the other person!

⚠️Caution⚠️
When observing their actions, don't go into interviewer mode! Instead of trying to judge them,it is important to analyze their actions with the intention of understanding them◎

Please also check out this article regarding that. 👇

3. Check what part of 'you' they say they like!

When using matching apps,
you tend to worry about what part of the “other person” you like,
but actually,
what part of “you” the other person likesis also very important!!

For example...
“You're cute! You look like an actress!”
→ Do they just like my face?

'I feel so relaxed talking to you! Our pace really matches.'
→ Do they like your compatibility in terms of atmosphere?

'I really resonate with that way of thinking!'
→ Are your values compatible?

In this way,
'That's amazing!' or 'I like that about you!'
the things they praise are the points that attract them to you! ✨

If this matches the version of yourself that you like, then I think your compatibility with that person is quite good 🙆‍♀️

In my case...
・It's fun to drink together!
・I like that you're logical and science-minded!
・I like the gap in our hobbies!
I chose people who liked the parts of me that I like or my natural self 😊
(Conversely, I'm not a fan of being liked for my appearance, because I feel like it could be anyone else 😂)

Please, try to find the 'points they like about you' in your conversations, and think about whether they might like your natural self 😊

Summary

When you feel 'I don't know if we're compatible...' or 'I don't feel a spark...' on a first date, please try to keep the three points introduced here in mind 💡

✅ Ask 'why' to grasp the other person's background and values
✅ Observe the other person's 'actions' closely to read their hidden personality
✅ Determine 'what parts of you' the other person likes

With just a little bit of awareness, your understanding of the other person will deepen significantly, making it easier to move forward in your love life with confidence!

I hope this article serves as a hint for those who are struggling because they can't seem to move past the dating stage 😌

Thank you for reading until the end today!

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